I recently went into a store to pick up an order for someone else. When I arrived, I asked for the supervisor of that department by name. She was gone for the day, so a teenager tried to assist me and I proceeded to ask for the order by name and then by description.
The teen was was unaware of the order and asked her two coworkers for help. (Both of them were in their late 50’s.)
Her coworkers just shrugged, said they didn’t know anything and walked away.
So the teenager looked everywhere she could think of, and then asked one of her coworkers for help again.
The elder woman snapped at her and walked away again.
Once upon a time I worked for a charismatic leader with a serious set of skills. Someone I learned from constantly and deeply admired …
- Until I caught him in a lie.
- And then a second one.
- A third one.
- A fourth one.
- And finally a fifth one.
The crazy part was – I wasn’t hunting for lies. I literally kept tripping into them – all five in a very short amount of time after years of working together.
When I confronted for the last time. He said, “I don’t know how you keep finding these things out.” No denial. No excuses. No apology.
A short time later – I “fired him” by turning in my notice.
Titled leaders and employees can all be tempted to overlook honesty because of skill.
This weekend, we spent time with my sister and her family. Several years ago they adopted a three-year-old little boy.
Jason was born with a genetic condition and under the influence of the drugs and alcohol that his birth mother used during her pregnancy. Collectively, all of those things impact his cognitive abilities.
Jason is a beautiful soul that loves life, people and all kinds of animals. But there are days that he struggles with emotions, decisions and expressing himself.
Over the weekend, I heard stories from his big sister and his mom about times he is having a challenging day. In those moments, they’ve heard him coaching himself with words like these:
- “Gotta be nice, calm down.”
- “You know that’s disrespectful.”
- “It hurts her feelings when you do that”
- “Why do you do that?”
- “I don’t know why, it’s just hard sometimes”
When I shared the story with my husband he was impressed that Jason was trying to use logic to govern his emotions.
He is a pre-teen with the mind of a little boy and a heart that is more mature than many adults.
On November 15th, twenty-eight women from a variety of races, nations and religions gathered together for a Conversation Safari. The plan was to dive into divisive current events and the fears that drive our emotions, our behaviors and our results.
Our topic had been planned for months based on several private conversations:
- I’d had with a Muslim neighbor
- And several different conversations I’d had with ladies that will always have a better tan than I do
In each of those private conversations we shared fears, we felt each other’s pain, and considered new perspectives.
(The date of our event had been chosen because of some scheduling conflicts, not because of a master strategy. But when November 9th rolled around and the election results from the U.S. hit the airwaves – fear in across the world and in the expat sandbox grew. Our topic could not have been more perfectly timed.)
- One of the women I had met with during the summer shared what was happening at the University that her son attends in the U.S.
- Other neighbors were posting deep concern for their safety in the world
- While other friends in the U.S. were sharing deep concerns about racism and bigotry
I’ve been working with a group of pre and early teens and we’ve been talking about perceptions and reality. In our last meeting, I asked if they have ever greeted someone and not been greeted in return. Emphatically – yes!
So I broke them up into small groups and asked them to come up with a list of at least 15 reasons why someone they greeted would not respond.
At first they listed things like this:
- They hate me
- They are mean
- They are rude
- They are a bully
- They are racist
It took awhile for them to start coming up with reasons like this: