Have you ever pondered the reasons or benefits of free speech?

• In nations?
• Or workplaces?

Obviously speaking freely is not allowed in many nations or workplaces.

• Technology:  Several people brought cordless phones with them from their home countries.  When those phones could not be monitored, police officers drove directly to their homes and removed them.
• Expression of Personal Thoughts/Opinions: One man was arrested because he took a picture of a government official’s parked car and posted it on Social Media – pointing out how inconsiderate it was. Others were arrested for speaking out against government policies.
• Fundraising: I was advised to take a post off of social media because I was encouraging people to donate to support effort flood victims in Baton Rouge.   I was warned that others had been arrested for soliciting donations.  (Even though all of my links went to vetted agencies in the U.S. – I took the post down.)
• Religion:  We were constantly aware that we risked our freedom and our lives if we shared our faith with others.

Now we’re in a country where freedom of speech is legal and protected.

But most of what we’re hearing and witnessing isn’t emphasizing how that uncommon freedom can be leveraged to build.

• Instead it is being used by some to MANIPULATE OUTCOMES and by others to STOP CONVERSATIONS.

Manipulation:  Several “trusted” news sources continue to create and distribute false news.  

This is one tiny example:  Over the weekend there were several reports and strong opinions about Melania Trump not wearing a headscarf in Saudi Arabia.   A repeat of what happened when Michelle Obama did not wear one in Saudi a few years ago.  The truth is that women from other countries, even Muslim women, are not required to wear headscarves in that country.

False reports are quickly picked up by others and spread by many.  Deepening divides and distracting everyone from real issues AND any hopeful progress.

TIP:  Watch those headlines!  If they sound inflammatory they are.  It’s about ratings not truth.  Unfortunately division rates.  Even when an article sounds believable and is from a seemingly credible source it is still wise to check it.

Freedom doesn’t exist if you don’t use it. -Margaret Heffernan

Do you have any friends that are “hiding in the closet” afraid to share what they believe because you are so vocal about what you believe?  Have you ever considered that:   

“ Free speech is significantly more powerful AFTER we’ve listened AND learned.

Business leaders: Who speaks freely with you?

A CEO recently released a close advisor that was with him for nearly a decade, because he finally recognized that he had been listening to a manipulator and a conversation stopper.  The sad part is that many people tried to tell the CEO what was happening, but they quickly learned that their attempts only put them at risk.  So they stopped trying.

Imagine how your leadership, team, organization and credibility would be impacted if you had allowed yourself to be sealed off by conversation stoppers and manipulators for nearly 10 years.  (That thought should make your stomach churn.)

TIPS:  

• Empower people at all levels to speak truth to power.
• Keep your eyes and ears open.
• Make sure that people at all levels have access to you.
• Put processes in place to evaluate what you hear while protecting the messenger.

And never forget that every single person on your team knows something that you don’t.  If you aren’t encouraging them to share what they know, you are limiting your leadership potential and the future of your organization.

As a titled leader YOU decide if your team:

• Believes they can speak the truth to you and each other
• Points fingers or solve problems
• Stands together or falls divided

Since our return home from Saudi Arabia, (A place I once feared and had zero desire to move to.)  I have been facilitating a series of workshops for students – sharing what day-to-day life was like while emphasizing critical life, leadership and people skills that they will need throughout their lives.

In each workshop students are given a visual of a natural process that will happen the rest of their lives – as they decide if they have the courage to leave their comfort zones or the grit to survive when life hands them circumstances they can’t control.

“ Learning to embrace life outside your comfort zone is a critical skill.

Some of the questions I’ve been asked about Saudi are worth sharing:

What was the best part?

• Living in an International Compound: Sharing life, friendship, and food with people from more than 50 nations and learning from them.
• Riding motorcycle with men and women from all over the world and getting to experience parts of Saudi that many expats don’t get to enjoy. (Yes – My motorcycle jacket had ½ of an abaya attached to it and could be rolled up when I was on the bike and rolled down when I was off the bike. Allowing me to be respectful and safe while enjoying time on the bike with my husband.)
• Vacationing in 11 countries besides Saudi and Bahrain in the 4 years we were there.

What was the hardest thing for you?

In order to say yes to living there I adjusted my expectations – intentionally trying not to expect things that I would expect at home. Most of the time that plan worked. Although, I never appreciated things that made life less clear, fair and efficient – I didn’t ride big waves of frustration.  There were two big exceptions in the four years that we were there:

• The first time was when there were bombings at mosques in cities near us three weekends in a row. The company we worked for hosted a security meeting and I expected that they would recommend a security protocol for our housing compound. The company did not have any of their own staff present – sending only their subcontracted security firm – who would not provide that information without the company’s approval. So we received none of the information I expected to receive, the entire meeting felt like a giant placebo and a waste of time. And I really struggled to find a new perspective and reset my expectations.
• The second time was this past summer when thousands of people – many who are dear friends – had their homes flooded in Louisiana.  I shared links on my Facebook page so that people could donate and support them. Not long before that, a man had been arrested and was serving time in a neighboring and much more liberal country for doing something similar. As a result, some of my neighbors in the sandbox strongly encouraged me to take my post down. As they shared their concerns, I remembered a few other situations in our location so I did as they suggested.  But I raged against the lack of clarity and the inconsistencies that caused this confusion and the need to even consider the possibility of removing the post.  Especially when my biggest desire was to support friends in need and the organizations I was recommending were vetted and trusted.

What was the biggest lesson?

• In order to embrace our unwanted change I learned to used both my brain and my heart in balance.  Constantly seeking truth instead of urban legends and choosing love over fear.
• As I watched the news while we lived in the sandbox, I noticed that in nearly every divisive issue in our world –  we are pushed to choose one of two sides: Total Acceptance OR Fear.
• We were all given a Brain AND a Heart. When we intentionally BALANCE the use of both we discover a third option -that leads to wiser and more compassionate decisions and healthier relationships, workplaces, communities, and nations.

Are you glad you are home?

Yes.  I miss the people we came to know and love and I am so thankful for our time there.  At the same time I am savoring life here in a new way:

• I fight tears when I sit in a church building – free to worship as I please.
• I giggle like a schoolgirl when I drive my car.
• And I am intentionally leveraging my freedom of speech at a higher level – hoping to encourage others to utilize this extraordinary freedom at a higher level and increase our ability to dialogue with and learn from each other.

 Did your values change?

• My values stayed the same, but they become deeper and stronger.
• My vision for helping people, workplaces, communities, nations and our world – grew significantly.

Would you go again?

• If we had it to do all over again – we would absolutely say yes!
• We learned more about geography, world history, different cultures, different foods, and different beliefs.
• We made amazing lifelong friends from all across the world. Which means we are more attentive to world news – deeply considering how it impacts people we know and love and the nations they call home.

What personal experiences will you cherish forever?

Life in the sandbox inspired me to try to make connections with Saudi ladies when I was out of our compound:

• Most of them covered their faces with only their eyes showing.
• I loved smiling at them and greeting them, and  recognizing when they were smiling in return by the way that their eyes lit up and crinkled.

On more than one occasion I sat on a bench and smiled at a woman next to me and greeted her in Arabic.  Each time:

• There was an instant warmth.
• A conversation – in spite of language barriers.
• I was offered some of whatever they were snacking on.
• And as soon as there were no men in the area, each one voluntarily lifted the cloth that covered her face.
• Brilliant, beautiful unexpected connections that make my heart overflow.

No matter where you live: You can choose to leave your comfort zone, use your brain AND your heart and reach out to others:

• Age doesn’t matter
• Race doesn’t matter
• Religion doesn’t matter
• Uniform doesn’t matter

“ The state of your heart matters… Be the change you want to see!

Looking for a speaker or a facilitator for your next event?  

Beyond learning about the day-to-day realities of life in Saudi that aren’t fairly or fully captured in movies or the news – Experiences and learning’s from Saudi can be leveraged to help:

1. People work through divisive current events
2. Students, adults and organizations develop critical life, leadership and people skills
3. Followers of Jesus to find Biblical responses to the news and division in our world

View Speaking Testimonials Here

Image Credit:  Pixabay

Real leaders know that they can’t fight every battle.

But their values are crystal clear long before they are faced with critical decisions. So when a situation demands it they don’t hide, cower or flock…

This post honors the stands of a REAL LEADER that spent several years working overseas.

When the business struggled, this leader:

• Offered solutions: By reminding peers and executives that they could SIGNIFICANTLY decrease expenses, and increase efficiency, effectiveness, customer retention and revenue by holding people accountable to policies that were already in place.
• Spoke the hard truth: By pointing to the root cause of issues instead of agreeing with popular thinking that only treated symptoms.
• Maximized the resources he had: By playing to his strengths and the strengths of his team and leveraging old assets he kept expensive and critical operations running for nearly an entire year without a budget.

“ If you are an executive in an organization: What would you give to have titled leaders like this leading your company?

When five rounds of layoffs came, this leader practiced:

• Compassion: By treated exiting employees with honesty and respect.
• Understanding: By speaking truth and encouragement to his remaining employees.

When the sixth layoff came, this leader:

• Encouraged character-based leadership: By reminding other titled leaders that the time had come to let go of their jobs so that the remaining frontline employees and the business could go a bit farther.
• Led by example: And offered his position so others could keep theirs.

“ If you are an employee: What would you give to work for someone – like this?

Then the business began to impact his family at a higher level:

Three days after he offered himself in the layoff, and before his offer was accepted… A disconnected department in the company sent a letter.  The letter told him that he needed to move from a home he had been in for four years – that was located in a secure community with many amenities – to the 32^nd floor of an apartment building.

A year earlier this leader had watched from his home as a neighboring six-story apartment building burned.

He’d witnessed:

• Limited and inadequate fire fighters and equipment
• The screams of the people trying to get out
• How long it took to get helicopters to rescue people from the roof

And later heard stories of locked and blocked exits and inadequate fire codes in the country.

After being informed that he needed to move, he stumbled into information emphasizing a lack of security protocols in the proposed apartment building.

He knew that he and his family had embraced their initial move across the world and successfully adapted and added value in this new location, but this move put their safety, security and sanity at risk.

He knew that he’d taken stands for the business and for his people. And this time he took a stand for his family.

“ If you are a spouse: What you give to be married to someone who takes stands – like this?

Those who have the courage to stand, risk being:

• Misunderstood
• Judged
• Ignored
• Replaced

But their commitment to a greater good drives them to lead in an uncommon way.

They are the leaders that inspire generations.

Real leaders are like eagles, they don’t flock…

You find them one at a time.

“ If you are a titled leader: Do you have the courage to take stands – like this?

View Testimonials Here

Titled leaders and employees are happier and more successful when they learn how to have discussions that include deep listening and truth telling.   A failure to do either one equals missed opportunities for learning and growth.  (This is also true for family and community members.)

As a result,  I’ve been encouraging listening, thinking, and dialogue with increasing frequency and leveraging current events as examples of how we can do this.

As you watch the news, are you ever so aware of the pain and the division in our world that it is hard to think about anything else?  

Recently in my home country:  

• A woman was set on fire because of her faith.
• Two other women were punched because of their faith.
• Bombs were set off and people were stabbed for their faith.
• A man was killed because of the color of his skin.
• Several men were killed because of the uniform they wear.

Some have responded with fear and hate for everyone that is not like them. 

Others deny that any problem exists and encourage blind acceptance.  

Do we really have only two options???

What if you learned to walk through those fears to seek truth and understanding?

What if you sat at a table with people that aren’t the same color as you, don’t have the same religion as you, don’t wear the same uniform as you and actually talked about the things you are concerned about?  

The goal is NOT to win or to convince someone of your point of view.

The objective IS to:

• Consider another perspective
• Deepen your understanding
• Give you a reason to read more about both sides of the issue
• Have more discussions

If you are not sure how to get started, the discussion starters below are a good place to begin:  

• How do you experience racism today?
• Is there any one term that everyone agrees with that is an acceptable descriptive word for people of color?
• How do you know if someone’s intention is hateful or earnest desire to find the right descriptive word?
• Please share your experiences and emotions on days that terrorist attacks are committed:
  • As a citizen:  In the country it happened and/or in another country observing it from afar
  • As a member of the faith community:  That was attacked and/or as a member of the same faith as the attackers

“ Peacemakers: Balance Truth with Love

The more I do this, the more I discover how hungry people are for these types of conversations…

These are some of the takeaways from discussions that are taking place in living rooms and over lunch tables:

• Racism isn’t always open and in your face, sometimes it is as subtle as sexual harassment. You may know in your gut that is the intention but sometimes it is hard to define.
• Negative past experiences with a particular word or a particular “group” of people makes it challenging for us to hear that word or to engage with that group of people again.
• We all want to be safe and we all experience fear.  Some fear of being the victim.  While others fear being persecuted because of the hateful actions of others that just happen to look like them.  (Skin color, uniform, or religion.)

In spite of the urban legend that it is unwise to talk about some of these topics…

• These discussions have not ended in energy sapping behaviors.  There has been no shouting at those who disagree and no venting to those that do agree.  Instead, the people that have engaged in this process are anticipating a discovery, sharing their curiosity, listening with compassion, pondering deep learning’s, building relationships and leaving these discussions with great energy and hope.

On October 4th we’re launching Conversation Safaris on our International Compound to encourage these kinds of discussions between people from more than 40 nations and a variety of faith backgrounds.

Would you like to join us?  You can start Conversations Safaris in your living room, your dining room table, or at a larger venue in your community.  If you need help getting started.  Please email your questions to chery@consultgiana.com.

I was recently visiting with someone about the goals of young professionals in a specific location. She said that everyone wants to be a manager.

So I asked why:

• Was it about the title?
• The perceived power?
• The paycheck?
• The perception that it is an easier job?

She said they want to sit behind a big desk and sign things.

Instantly I visualized a “manager” sitting behind a big desk with their feet resting on the desk reading a newspaper. A clap of his hands and someone comes running with a hot beverage. A loud shout results in several people running into his office – varying ages, heights, and ethnicities – all cowering in fear. “Yes Boss…”  (True story!)

“ Titles and desks don’t make great managers or loyal employees.

Then I pictured another true story that a friend recently shared with me. A CEO of an extremely wealthy and powerful company scheduled a meeting with another company. The day before the meeting, his staff visited the location he would be at to review the agenda and identify any potential security risks. The day of the visit the CEO arrived in an escorted caravan. As soon as doors opened several members of his staff began making and serving tea for everyone at the meeting.

The entire process fascinated my friend but he was not impressed until he witnessed that very powerful CEO personally engaging with people from a variety of positions. In each interaction he focused on the individual in front of him. He asked personal questions and demonstrated a genuine interest in each one.

“ Power may be fascinating – but people skills are more impressive.

As our discussion continued, we talked about managers that sit in their offices all day and never meet the people that work in positions that are levels “below” them.

And then we compared those titled leaders to the ones that intentionally get out of their offices, walk around, and engage with people at all levels.

We both remember the first time titled leaders that were far above our paygrade showed a genuine interest in us. And we remember the reaction of our employees the first time that titled leaders far above their position took the time to sit, listen and ask questions.

“ Everyone comes from a different life experience and has witnessed, researched, or considered things you haven’t.

We are never too old to learn that great managers:

1. Aren’t lazy.
2. Don’t hide behind their desks.
3. Don’t try to motivate people with fear.
4. Are genuinely interested in others.
5. Intentionally block out time on their calendars to walk around and engage.
6. Really listen.
7. Know more about what is really going on in their organization.
8. Remove more roadblocks.
9. Fuel more passion and loyalty.
10. Achieve greater results.

Please share:  What have you witnessed great managers doing?

Image credit:  Pixabay

When my husband said we were asked to move to a giant sandbox on the other side of the world my stomach churned so hard I had to sit down.

How was this possible?  We said we would go ANYWHERE in the world except – THERE!  Scenes from movies and the news melded with my own fears and questions were fired off so rapidly my husband could not reply.

A “yes” wasn’t possible if I could not change my thinking:

• From the losses to the possible gains.
• From the challenges to the possible opportunities.
• From fear to faith.

One of the possible opportunities was living in a diverse compound filled with people from other parts of the world and learning from each other.  (I had no idea at that time how diverse – Our little compound hosts people from more than 30 different nations.)

The vision of celebrating our differences was so motivating to me – that I unconsciously began to assume that everyone who had relocated here, had the same focus.

The reality is that some people shared that vision or have acquired it along the way. However…

• For some, moving anywhere away from home is torture – let alone adding the element of extreme culture shock.
• Others can accept a new location depending on where it is.
• Some are simply too busy with the details to focus on possible gains.  (Getting children moved, in school and settled, navigating a new health care system…)
• Others are trying to provide emotional support to family on the other side of the world while adjusting to life here.
• And a significant number are navigating most of this alone – as their husbands are on worksites or traveling for a majority of the month.

So when normal cultural misunderstandings occur in our compound – The people involved are already under loads of stress.   In those moments, previous perceptions fuel behavior that is less than ideal – and the responses are swift, judgmental and lingering.  When that happens, I am reminded that we are a snapshot of the daily challenges in our world.

“ We end up gathering with allies – actual, perceived, or potential – as a way of feeling justified in our own accusing views of others. As a result of this fact, conflicts try to spread. So what begins as a conflict between two people spreads to a conflict between many as each person enlists others to his or her side. Everyone begins acting in ways that invite more of the very problem from the other side that each is complaining about. —ANATOMY OF PEACE BOOK

In the three years we’ve lived here, I’ve heard people say phrases like these more times than I’ve heard them in my entire life:

• I hate ___________ (insert any nationality).
• We all hate _________ (insert any nationality).
• Those ________ (insert any nationality or religious group).
• I’m not racist but __________.

So now when I watch the news and my social media feeds – I keep seeing what is lost in the great divide between “Us” and “Them”:

Each one of those losses continues to impact families, workplaces, communities, nations and our world…  

We don’t have to passively watch as it happens.  Each one of us can make the choice to break the cycle of division and help healing begin.

I recently shared how inspired I was when I watched a police officer named Chip Huth share how he and his department were transformed when they learned to see people instead of seeing problems.  And how his TEDx talk introduced me to the Anatomy of Peace Book.

This month a group of ladies from several different nations on our compound, will be reading the book and then getting back together to discuss it.

We’re seizing the opportunity to learn and grow in ways we can’t imagine yet.

• Imagine what would happen if each one of us found ways to alter our thinking and behavior just a little…
• Imagine the difference we could make if we planted more seeds of understanding and peace right where we are…
• Imagine what could happen if more people read the book and would have similar discussions…
• Imagine the impact we could have on the world if we took those skills with us to our next locations and back to our own nations…

“ I become an agent of change, only to the degree that I begin to live to help things go right rather than simply to correct things that are going wrong. Rather than simply correcting, for example, I need to re-energize my teaching, my helping, my listening, my learning. I need to put time and effort into building relationships. —ANATOMY OF PEACE BOOK

PLEASE SHARE:  Have you considered how you can plant seeds that heal division?  What are you doing to create unity?

Want more ideas about how you can be an agent of change in a world that needs healing? 

Check out the links below:  

• Stop attacking the character of others in order to refute his or her ideas.
• In the Face of Terrorism, Why it’s More Important Than Ever to Travel.
• The difference between Debating and Discussing.

The first two articles in this series are linked here:

• Benefits of Learning from Those Who Think Differently
• Opinions Anonymous:  For recovering opinionistas that are tired of division

Image Credit:  Pixabay

Years ago I read a book called The Dream Giver.

It’s a beautiful little book that emphasizes that each one of us is born for a purpose. As children we often see this as our big dream.  Often between childhood and adulthood we forget the dream or walk away from it because it seems impossible.  And then one day we are reminded of the dream again and we make the choice to pursue the dream or to let it die forever.  Then the book helps you anticipate and prepare for the challenges you will encounter as you journey from where you are to where that dream is.

I purchased the book in 2003 shortly after it was published, simply because I liked the author.  As soon as I opened it I was hooked, because I had a dream as a child. It was a dream that I forgot all about as life happened. And then in 1999, I it came back full force. In 2001, I took my first very clear step toward the dream.

Since 2003, I’ve referred to that book several times a year. It’s highlighted, filled with notes, scribbles and pages that are bent back.  In October 2010 I referred to it constantly as I launched a new consulting business in a city I had never lived in and knew no one but my husband.

In November 2012 just as my new business was gaining momentum, my husband was asked to accept a position a half a world away, and this quote from the book filled my mind…

A Giant is a very real and completely overwhelming obstacle you encounter on the road to your Dream. Overcoming a giant requires you to use everything you’ve learned so far on the journey to your Dream, including courage, wisdom, trust, endurance and surrender to God.

Some of the Giants you might face: A lack of resources, an immovable system, an opposing group or individual, A crushing physical or spiritual burden…Or and intimidating circumstance that is beyond your control. For example, your Dream is in New Jersey, but your husband gets transferred to Tokyo.” ~The Dream Giver

So my dream wasn’t in New Jersey, and he wasn’t being transferred to Tokyo –But the place my dream was taking off was in the U.S. and he was being transferred across the world.

In spite of all that seemed impossible – I knew – that I’d been mentally preparing for that leap of faith for 10 years!

Yes my love, I believe that is part of the plan, I’ll follow you there, I’ll support you, I’ll choose my attitude, and I’ll learn all I can.

Today we are still in that place.

And I’m constantly learning and growing in ways that I never imagined.

Some of that growth is easy to point to and define and other things are still evolving.

[Tweet “An altered path deepens and widens your understanding and skills.”]

From a leadership standpoint, the things that I wrote about and deeply believed in before have an even greater urgency and importance.

• Before:  Why Leaders need to be Consistent, Fair & Explainable
• After:  The epidemic risk of INconsistency
• Before:  Have you shared your vision with your team?
• After:  Chaos or Vision:  You Choose
• Before:  5 Ways to Fire-Proof Your Character
• After:  Leaders STAND for something ~ When do you stand?

From a personal standpoint geography has come to life as we’ve engaged with neighbors that are from all across the world and as we’ve traveled.  There are things I didn’t know or had never considered that have increased my knowledge and understanding.

• Before:  When you don’t know what you don’t know
• After:  Is the bacon really worth it?
• Before:  Strong Foundations are rooted in Timeless Truths
• After:  If we are so convinced we are speaking the truth, why are we so afraid to listen to someone else’s?

From a human standpoint, there are things that we’ve experienced that have altered us forever.

• Before:  What special needs families taught me about comfort zones
• After:  Comfort Zones, Dim Sight, Narrow Perspective and Endanger Growth

[Tweet “Catalysts for maximizing your purpose are often disguised as distractions and delays.”]

When have you said yes to something that:

• Felt like a derailment or a delay?
• Tested your faith?
• Required you to leave your comfort zone?
• Didn’t seem logical to the rest of the world?
• Challenged your commitment after you said yes?

How did that experience transform you?

Image credit:  iStock

Last week, I visited a new friend that has been an expat for about 4 months in a country that is nothing like the one her family comes from.

When her husband accepted the position, they were promised life in a compound – a guarded and gated community with streets, and parks, and amenities that vary depending on your location.

The day before they left home to begin their expat lives, they were informed that there was a housing shortage in the area they were relocating to. (When it was conveniently too late to get their previous jobs back or easily jump back into the life they had.)

So they boarded the plane anyway. (Would you feel slightly trapped?)

And for the past four months the two of them and their young son have been sharing a two-room efficiency apartment.   They have a love seat in their little kitchen and all three of them share a bedroom with their son’s toys. While their shipment of household items sits in storage.

Since their arrival they’ve been advised that it will probably take a year before they can be moved onto a compound, and presented with one alternative that gives them some immediate choices for housing but removes other benefits that they had counted on.

My friend’s situation is mild in comparison to her neighbors:

Several of them have more children so they’ve been given two apartments that don’t have a connecting door.

• So who sleeps where?
• Who watches the children and keeps them safe?
• How to parents get time for themselves?
• And how does everyone gather?

Her apartment has windows.

• Most do NOT.

(Did your stomach just churn? Mine did – as I imagined living without sunlight and some kind of view.)

Thankfully – There are some positives:

• The staff at the apartment building is very professional and kind.
• The building is clean and well kept.
• In spite of not having streets to walk, and parks to play in:  They have a several pools, an outdoor playground, tennis courts, Jacuzzi, a store, a restaurant…

However, this is not what these families were promised when they agreed to move across the world, quit their jobs, sell their homes, pack their belongings, and leave families, friends and all that was familiar.    

The truth is that the housing shortage is not mentioned by a majority of the recruiters – no matter what company they work for.

• They fear that if it is mentioned – less people will agree to come.
• And they won’t meet their objectives.
• And their bonuses and maybe even their jobs will be at risk.

So they make their numbers today with half-truths and lies and don’t think about how that impacts tomorrow.

As a result new employees instantly question their new employers integrity and feel less secure.

And with each new experience they face, these families wonder…

• What else they haven’t been told?
• And how far they should they lower their expectations to stay mentally healthy?

And in those cases where family members aren’t willing and/or able to make the best of what they’ve been given:

• Each one of them suffers.
• And their bonds with each other struggle and sometimes break.

There is one thing that is common to every individual, relationship, team, family, organization, nation, economy and civilization throughout the world – one thing which, if removed will destroy the most powerful government, the most successful business, the most thriving economy, the most influential leadership, the greatest friendship, the strongest character, the deepest love.  …That one thing is trust.  ~Stephen M.R. Covey

It’s a sick reality that the company doesn’t care about the individuals in the family, or the strength of the family unit.  

But they also fail to recognize that:

• They now have a many new-hires that are not so focused, productive or loyal.
• Each time they lie to their new hires, they set the precedent that integrity does not matter.
• The organization becomes unhealthier, harder to navigate, and less able respond to a changing environment.  Eventually replacing growth with decline.

I am convinced that once organizational health is properly understood and placed into the right context it will surpass all other disciplines in business as the greatest opportunity for improvement and competitive advantage. Really. ~Patrick Lencioni

At every level of the organization: Truth Matters

[Tweet “Has your company ever lied to you?”]

Meanwhile my new friend’s family, neighbors and the company that spun the truth? – They are all blessed to have her. As she is turning lemons into lemonade:

• Admitting that it has been a challenge.
• Speaking openly about the choices they’ve had to make about what to do next but choosing wisdom over fear.
• Choosing to reflect truth back to the organization that hired her husband without pouting or acting like a victim.
• Understanding the negativity of the other families in that apartment complex, and that it is not the fault of the staff in those buildings.
• Reflecting light and hope to the residents and the staff in that building.

If you are considering life as an expat be encouraged.  Not all companies work this way.  Some are towering examples of integrity.  

• Do your research about local employment law and know if the laws will protect you.
• If not, knowing how ethical that company you agree to work for before you agree to come is critical.  Use social media to connect to other current employees to find out about communication, security, medical questions, housing, school waiting lists, groceries…
• Consider the questions and concerns of everyone in your family.
• Pray about it.
• And then decide if the risks are worth the rewards.

We’re 2.5 years into our first expat adventure.  I felt a lot of fear when we were asked to do this.  But we followed the process above.  There have been challenges, but the rewards have made it all worth it.

If you are a recruiter in this situation:  

[Tweet “Have you ever spun the truth? “]

Is it time for you to be a candle or a beacon?

image credit:  iStock

Once upon a time, I hired a fun-loving woman with great recommendations, strong experience, and impressive tenure. (True Story!)

Not long after she joined our team she began to struggle.   Things that she thought would be easy to learn were harder than normal, which chewed away at her confidence, which made it even harder to learn, which ate away even more confidence. Sometimes when we spoke privately, tears flowed.

At one point she shared that in her last role she was so confident that she would put on a pink feather boa. And when she wore it – everyone knew a special announcement was going to be made. Here she wanted to be her authentic self, but was afraid…

Each time we spoke, I would remind her:

1. She was grieving. (She had just left a role that she knew backwards and forwards and upside down in a place where she felt understood, appreciated and loved and moved and started a new job.)
2. She really was smart, capable, fun and wanted!
3. She was focusing more on her mistakes and emotions than on what she knew she could bring and that was causing her to struggle harder.

Then I would pull out Ken Blanchard’s Situational Leadership Model and remind her that SHE WAS NORMAL!!!

• …And then we’d talk about what I could do, what the team could do and what she could do to help her work through the change so that she would feel confident again.

A few months later she bounced into my office to let me know that her brother-in-law had just started a new job and she had shared her lessons and Blanchard’s chart with him!!! (Goosebumps!)

Sharing that experience with her caused me to do a deeper dive into the emotions and needs that each of us have as we experience any type of change in our lives.

I’ve looked backward at my own life, and recognized:

• Distinct patterns of emotions when we relocated to any new city.
• Times that were so challenging they led to confusion, tanked confidence, decreased productivity, and sapped joy.
• Times that I handled change well and swam through it and times I sank.

Paid more attention to others and noticed their struggles much more quickly…

As I coached recent university graduates that hit the same hurdles in their first career jobs.   And then as I met with their hiring managers, to help them learn to support their new hires at a higher level…  I’ve had the honor of watching men in infamously macho industries recognize their own struggles with change and actually admit them to each other. (Chills!)

And I’ve become much more aware of how change is impacting me in the moment.

This weekend I spent time reviewing the articles I wrote as we prepared for our expat journey and during the first 6 months here and was reminded about how my own thoughts, fears, delays, unknowns and choices fueled my thoughts and emotions. If you are in the midst of any change – at work or personally this swirl of constant thoughts and feelings may be familiar:

• Confusion
• Grief

Interrupted by a conscious choice to turn this into a fun learning opportunity

• Awe and Thankfulness
• Confusion and Frustration
• Doubt and Fear

Interrupted by conscious choice to admit my fear and adjust my thinking

• Unproductive (I don’t do limbo well!)
• Anticipation
• Thankfulness

Tempted to be frustrated, but chose laughter instead

• Thankfulness
• Thoughtfulness
• Unsure
• Pondering
• Questioning

If they are familiar – then read on! I penned these words during that time and they apply to anyone in the midst of change, yes – even the ones you thought you wanted:

[Tweet “Fear and doubt – yes that’s normal!”]

[Tweet “Emotional roller coaster – yes that’s normal too!”]

[Tweet “Having fun one day and questioning where you fit the next – still normal!”]

I am in a new place, filled with wonderful people and lots of new opportunities.

I know from past experience that it is wise to meet many people and have lots of experiences as quickly as possible.

I know that even though I’m busy I have not found my “groove” yet.

I know that the human in me wants to grab the reigns and be a part of something as quickly as possible.

I know that I need to stay in explorer mode for a little longer.

[Tweet “I don’t know yet – what I will learn here. …But I choose to learn.”]

I don’t know yet how I will make a difference here. …Time will reveal where I should plug in, and I will make a difference!

[Tweet “I am here for a reason!”]

Want more about navigating change for yourself or others?

These two are FAVORITES written by others and must be purchased:

• Self-Leadership and The One Minute Manager (This one includes the Situational Leadership Chart I mentioned in the post!)
• The Change Cycle (Includes another incredible visual to help you navigate change.)

These are free from me:

• Click here to read from my change learning laboratory – AKA our expat journey!
• Click here to subscribe to this blog and receive a free download about How to Instigate Change.

Image from The Valley of The Kings Egypt where life from the Nile meets the death of the desert!

1.  Create an EXPERIENCE:  

•  I brought some tiny matchbox cars to a meeting and asked everyone to take a car and personalize it.
• Then I gave them a bunch of foot-long crepe paper streamers and asked them to use a streamer to list one thing that was causing them to lose focus.  (And they could use as many streamers as they needed to.)
• There were so many that the streamers quickly covered the cars and we talked about how hard it is to drive forward when you feel so covered up that can’t see the people you are working with, let alone where you are going.
• Then I brought out a rocket.  (The kind you buy in a toystore that you can actually launch.)  The rocket was “beautifully decorated” with each of our objectives, and we talked about how looking up and focusing on where we were going could help us prioritize the demands and distractions, decrease our confusion and stress and increase our focus and results.  

And yes – when we achieved all of our objectives we drove to a field and shot off that rocket!

2.  Find OPPORTUNITIES in your routine:

 3.  FULLY ABSORB the places you visit:  

• The Palace of Versailles – 5 Ways to Fire-Proof Your Character
• The Anne Frank House – Leaders STAND for something ~ When do YOU STAND? 
• Italy – Sieze The Day:  When it’s easy and when it’s hard
• Egypt provided two!  A New Perspective at the Pyramids & Let this be your resolution:  I SEE People

Ahhhh…  EVERY sense was relaxed and inspired!

• The temps were cooler – sometimes jackets were actually required!    (Not the 110 degree heat we left behind.)
• The skies were bluer!  (Literally as most days our skies are hazy with sand.)
• We saw puffy clouds DAILY!  (A rare sight in the sandbox.  I had no idea how much joy I would find in the sighting of puffy clouds before I left my native land.)
• And we saw so much green that I could feel my soul resting and restoring.  (Yes – I literally got tears in my eyes as I whispered prayers of thankfulness!)

• We were inspired by their courage to journey far beyond their comfort zone.
• And reminded that doing anything for the first time causes discomfort but when you hang in there it fuels growth, builds confidence and may actually make you crave another adventure.

• On an uncommonly rough day at sea that made it difficult to stand or walk to a restroom and challenged even the toughest stomaches.
• The entire ride I thought about our ancestors that traveled a much greater distance as they crossed the Atlantic Ocean on an old ship without modern technology or conveniences and wondered how much more challenging that would have been.

A few days later we learned a bit more about the potato famine that devastated Ireland for 6 years.  

• As more than one million people lost their lives.
• And another million left their homeland to survive.
• We heard stories and songs about that time in history and imagined what it must have been like to leave everything you knew and loved behind – knowing you may never see or hear from the people you left – ever again.
• We saw the type of ships they traveled on. (Called coffin ships – How does that inspire hope?)
• And again I thought of our tiny taste of turbulant sea travel and how challenging it would have been to travel such a great distance.  

• And a story unfolded about JFK visiting his extended family in Ireland when he was the President of the U.S. – A story about his connection to the people and the land his ancestors came from, and their connection to one of their own experiencing the vision of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness – to the full!
• For the rest of our time in Ireland, we frequently noticed American flags flying next to Irish flags.  (Ah the power of vision and connection!)

Today we’re back in the sandbox

• Thankful for the shared adventure and the visual reminders about how much life and growth comes after we spend time outside of our comfort zones  – and it doesn’t matter if we leave those zones by choice or by heartache.
• Feeling very connected to the lessons about struggle, courage, risk, vision and life that have come from our ancestors.
• And feeling recharged and refocused.

Want more?

1. Check out this article:  Looking Back:  7 Times You Should & 7 Times You Should Not
2. Purchase our NEW Book Energize Your Leadership:  Get your Amazon Kindle Version Here or Have a book sent to you from Amazon here.