How badly do you want to know the end of the story?

Have you ever been in the midst of reading a book and just had to look at the last few pages to see how it ends?

Have you ever been at the bookstore and flipped ahead in  the books you are considering, to decide which ending you would prefer to read?

Or do you consistently read the story as it is written:

• Bonding with a character because of the challenges they are facing?
• Cheering for them to come through it all, victoriously?
• Fully experiencing all of the emotions they are feeling?

How about with your own story?

• The water is rising in the midst of a storm – will the house flood?
• That amazing person just asked you out – will you have a future together?
• A loved one just passed away – how will you go on?
• The interview you just had, seemed to go so well – will you get the job?
• Layoffs are happening – If you lose your job, how will you provide?

Are you anxiously trying to look ahead trying see what the next chapter holds?

Wishing you could flip past all hard things?

Trying to make your ideal ending come true?

I ask because my story has me on the edge of something that my heart has been desiring for a very long time. As I anticipate the days ahead, I also find myself pondering the times my story has thrown me some of those unwanted plot twists. Seasons of gut wrenching experiences, drama, change or waiting…

In every case:

• God used those situations to help me become softer, stronger, and wiser.
• I’ve learned beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is faithful.

And when my heart’s desires have finally come, they have been so much sweeter.

I’m not just speaking for myself.  This is true for people that have had their homes flooded, lost spouses and children, and jobs.

If you are in the midst of waiting, unwanted change, or struggle: Be encouraged.

“ Great stories are filled with drama, twists, turns, up and downs.

“ Unwanted plot twists can help you become softer, stronger and wiser.

And as crazy as it may sound, you can experience more peace and ultimately more joy.

Below are 3 Tips for fully experiencing your story as it unfolds:

1. Be thankful even in the midst of unwanted plot twists. (Seriously.) Stop and list at least three things you are thankful for. Do this as often as you need to. Multiple times in an hour, several times a day or once a day. Doing this retrains your brain to stop focusing on everything that is hard and shines a bright light on everything you’ve been blessed with.
2. Make a list of what you are learning. And keep adding to that list long after the struggle ends. You’ll be amazed at the clarity that comes when you are through the struggle.
3. Share your story with others. What did you feel? How did you react? How did you get through it? What did you learn? How have you changed? Everyone struggles with something. Your story has the power to transform your future and the lives of others.

PLEASE SHARE:  What is your story teaching you?

I was facilitating a workshop for students. The goal was to help everyone identify the bubbles they live in, and to encourage them to strategically pop those bubbles.

I asked questions that encouraged laughter:

• What is the craziest food you have ever eaten? Answers varied from peas to snake… (Yes for some of us, eating vegetables is crazy!)

Then questions that would help them think about their courage:

• When was the last time you stood up to a bully? Answers varied from never to yesterday.

And then questions to facilitate deeper thinking:

• When was the last time that you tried to understand someone else’s point of view, before sharing your own…?

Their teacher is dedicated, wise, fun, energetic, very compassionate and constantly models that learning is for everyone.  She laughed and encouraged the entire process.

When she said the last time she stood up to a bully was two days earlier – Some of her students were surprised that even adults have to stand up to bullies.  Others were simply inspired.

A few minutes later, I reminded all of the students that one of the habits of highly effective people is seeking to understand someone else’s point of view (POV), before sharing your own.  Their teacher processed that quickly and shared that she doesn’t think she has ever done that. …And then I was inspired.

• Their teacher modeled vulnerability, courage, learning and growth
• Showing her students that it is healthy to identify and pop our own bubbles
• Emphasizing that whatever change we want to see in the world begins with ourselves

Now fast forward several weeks.

Our International Conversation Safari Participants were discussing harassment and culture.

We compared experiences and the norms in different size business, different types of businesses, different states, and in the countries each one of us is from.

Then considered times that that cultural differences have made us feel uncomfortable.  And agreed that most cultural differences are explainable and excusable until someone voices their discomfort with a cultural norm.

Emphasizing that the moment someone says they are uncomfortable we have three choices:

1. To can stay in our own bubbles and defend our culture
2. To attempt to pop other people’s bubbles by getting angry
3. Or to pop our own bubbles by reaching out, listening and seeking first to understand

The first two options are easy choices that make us part of the problem.

The third option takes more time and energy but makes highly effective solutions possible.

“ When was the last time you deeply considered someone else’s POV before you shared your own?

This is a piece of a puzzle.

-A PIECE of something greater than itself.

This piece is important.

-Without it, the picture is INCOMPLETE.

This piece is filled with critical clues about the WHOLE picture.

-But it will never be able to tell the story alone.

Each piece must be heard.

-But must NOT be the only perspective we consider.

ONE piece emphasizes:

My team

My budget

My knowledge

My experiences

My perspectives

My goals

-ME!

SEVERAL pieces provide more clues:

-But still fail to tell the whole story.

Our corner – Our people

Our side – Our needs

-Are more important than yours.

When ALL the pieces start asking:

Where are we going?

What do you see?

What do you know?

How can we help each other?

The picture becomes clear.

-And each piece becomes WHOLE.

In business, families, faith-based organizations and communities I’ve continuously witnessed the power of these words:

Together WE STAND. Divided WE FALL.

Prior to moving to Saudi Arabia, my focus on divisive current events was growing. …As was my determination to find ways to bring people together to find solutions.

So I began sharing this dream with others:

In Saudi, my neighbors were from more than 50 nations.   In living rooms and coffee shops we began to move from surface level conversations to in depth discussions. Which ultimately led to the creation of Conversation Safari’s.  Attendees courageously engaged in deep discussions with people from culturally and historically opposing perspectives. And left feeling accepted, listened to, intellectually stimulated, energized, and hopeful.

Since returning to America the divides in our nation are being emphasized so often that we rarely hear anything positive. As a result, I often hear people expressing their concern about the division and their lack of hope for our future.

If you are feeling a lack of hope, this post is to encourage you.

I do have hope because more and more people are turning difficult topics into productive discussions. Besides those women in Saudi, my friends and family here, and the groups I’ve been speaking to since my return – Below are a few recent examples of people that are making this a priority:

1.  Friends with polar opposite political views and what they did about it  
   If you can’t see this video in your RSS reader or email, then click here.
2. How a move from a red state to a blue state challenged comfort zones and perceptions
3. Activists on opposing sides – That made an uncommon choice and realized that what they have in common is greater than what separates them.  
   If you can’t see this video in your RSS reader or email, then click here.
4. A group that seeks to do something similar to a Conversation Safari over dinner.

Now it’s up to you.

1. You can fret and worry about where our world is headed
2. Or you can be the change you’d like to see

To learn more about how you can host a Bridge Building Retreat or a Conversation Safari contact Chery:

Please let me know what YOU decide to do!  

“ Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak, courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. —W. CHURCHILL

“ Bridge builders close gaps between people and purpose.

Bridge Builders listen to the perspectives of others, instead of fearing their knowledge, experiences and convictions.

With vision, respect and wisdom they connect:

• Front lines and executives
• Teams across silos
• Customers and the organizations that serve them
• Individuals
• Communities
• Nations

As a result, productive conversations across races, religions, and even cultural and political differences are possible.

Bridge Builders:

1. See people not labels
2. Step into the tension between what is, and what could be
3. Explore instead of interrogating
4. Listen to what is NOT being said, as much as what IS being said
5. Recognize pain points
6. Teach truth seeking and critical thinking
7. Increase compassion and understanding
8. Emphasize common ground
9. Encourage collaboration
10. Facilitate problem solving

When a bridge is built:

• People collaborate instead of blocking progress
• Solutions are found
• Healing begins
• Hope is restored
• Growth happens
• Synergy is unleashed
• More bridges are constructed

Our families, workplaces and world need more bridge builders.

If you’d like to make a greater difference, follow the links below to learn more about building bridges with those around you:

• Your boss
• Executives
• Employees
• Peers
• Customers
• A very diverse group of people and opposing views
• A family member that thinks differently
• A new contact who thinks differently
• A complete stranger who thinks differently

Please share:  How has a bridge builder helped you to consider another perspective?  How has that new perspective changed your thinking, your behavior, or your results?

Titled leaders and employees are happier and more successful when they learn how to have discussions that include deep listening and truth telling.   A failure to do either one equals missed opportunities for learning and growth.  (This is also true for family and community members.)

As a result,  I’ve been encouraging listening, thinking, and dialogue with increasing frequency and leveraging current events as examples of how we can do this.

As you watch the news, are you ever so aware of the pain and the division in our world that it is hard to think about anything else?  

Recently in my home country:  

• A woman was set on fire because of her faith.
• Two other women were punched because of their faith.
• Bombs were set off and people were stabbed for their faith.
• A man was killed because of the color of his skin.
• Several men were killed because of the uniform they wear.

Some have responded with fear and hate for everyone that is not like them. 

Others deny that any problem exists and encourage blind acceptance.  

Do we really have only two options???

What if you learned to walk through those fears to seek truth and understanding?

What if you sat at a table with people that aren’t the same color as you, don’t have the same religion as you, don’t wear the same uniform as you and actually talked about the things you are concerned about?  

The goal is NOT to win or to convince someone of your point of view.

The objective IS to:

• Consider another perspective
• Deepen your understanding
• Give you a reason to read more about both sides of the issue
• Have more discussions

If you are not sure how to get started, the discussion starters below are a good place to begin:  

• How do you experience racism today?
• Is there any one term that everyone agrees with that is an acceptable descriptive word for people of color?
• How do you know if someone’s intention is hateful or earnest desire to find the right descriptive word?
• Please share your experiences and emotions on days that terrorist attacks are committed:
  • As a citizen:  In the country it happened and/or in another country observing it from afar
  • As a member of the faith community:  That was attacked and/or as a member of the same faith as the attackers

“ Peacemakers: Balance Truth with Love

The more I do this, the more I discover how hungry people are for these types of conversations…

These are some of the takeaways from discussions that are taking place in living rooms and over lunch tables:

• Racism isn’t always open and in your face, sometimes it is as subtle as sexual harassment. You may know in your gut that is the intention but sometimes it is hard to define.
• Negative past experiences with a particular word or a particular “group” of people makes it challenging for us to hear that word or to engage with that group of people again.
• We all want to be safe and we all experience fear.  Some fear of being the victim.  While others fear being persecuted because of the hateful actions of others that just happen to look like them.  (Skin color, uniform, or religion.)

In spite of the urban legend that it is unwise to talk about some of these topics…

• These discussions have not ended in energy sapping behaviors.  There has been no shouting at those who disagree and no venting to those that do agree.  Instead, the people that have engaged in this process are anticipating a discovery, sharing their curiosity, listening with compassion, pondering deep learning’s, building relationships and leaving these discussions with great energy and hope.

On October 4th we’re launching Conversation Safaris on our International Compound to encourage these kinds of discussions between people from more than 40 nations and a variety of faith backgrounds.

Would you like to join us?  You can start Conversations Safaris in your living room, your dining room table, or at a larger venue in your community.  If you need help getting started.  Please email your questions to chery@consultgiana.com.

Last fall we took an African Safari. Prior to leaving, several friends, raved about their safari experiences, claiming that it was their most epic vacation, and numero uno on a list of several destinations.

When I asked why… One friend said it was because of the animals.

Interesting. I LOVE animals, but I’ve been to the zoo and and wildlife parks. How could simply being in Africa create an epic vacation?

Once we were on our safari I realized that:

• In both the zoo and the wildlife park – You arrive whenever it’s convenient for you, but it may be after the animals have eaten breakfast, played, and are resting. (Which isn’t nearly as exciting as it could be.)
• In the wildlife parks – You don’t know what’s coming, but you drive in a car with the window up and look at the animals.
• At the zoo – You have a map and signs to follow, so no matter how magnificent the animals are, you know what’s coming next.

In Africa:

• We were up early – to be out when the animals were moving.
• We drove in an open jeep. No doors, no windows, no roof – nothing to limit our view or our experience.
• Each time we turned a corner we had absolutely no idea what we’d see. …Maybe a dust cloud, maybe one giraffe, an entire herd of elephants, or a new baby zebra.

We felt like kids that were on a grand adventure as feelings of anticipation, curiosity, awe and joy bubbled out of us – each time we discovered another group of animals in their natural surroundings.   …Playing, eating, exploring, and even roaring.

Several years ago I had lunch with a lady that had recently been asked to serve on the same board I had been asked to serve on.

For more than an hour we talked about the current state of the organization, the needs we had identified so far, the things we were trying to understand and figure out, the challenges we were facing and what we needed to do about them.  She was brilliant, witty, passionate and fully engaged in our conversation.

As we both prepared to head back to our offices she observed that although we had worked through the entire lunch, she felt like we were kids that had just had a play date. 

She was spot on!  We’d been like curious children exploring “what was” and “what could be”.  Our brains had been challenged, our passions ignited, a friendship was forming, and we were solving problems!

“ What if… Challenging conversations made us light up, like children at play?

I have frequently written about current issues that cause division and need solutions:

• Two weeks ago I shared specific reasons that each of us needs to learn to think at a higher level
• And last week I shared reasons that we need to be engaging in rich and meaningful dialogue with people that don’t agree with us

Instead of difficult dialogues:

“ What if… We would learn how to have “conversation safaris” that feel like adventures?

Imagine…

• Climbing into open jeep, instead of a car with the windows rolled up.
• Driving without a map, knowing you will enter unknown territory.
• Risking feeling vulnerable, so that you can feel like a child that is exploring, discovering, learning and filled with joy.
• Being curious instead of judgmental – And talk about what that roar means, why that elephant is in the road, which animals are predictable and which ones are not, and if that vulture is good or bad…
• Anticipating that this adventure will delight you, challenge you, build relationships and lead to real problem solving.

Sound like fun?  Then begin seeking others that don’t believe everything you believe and invite them to have an adventure with you!  

“ And in all conversations… Always prepare to be amazed. —CELESTE HEADLEE

Want more on this topic?

Do you have the courage to let them speak their truth?

Image Credits –Vacation Photos Kapama Game Reserve

As the news about Orlando, and yet another hate crime swirls around us….

What are you seeing? What are you hearing? What are you pondering? What are you praying for?

Typically after events like this I invest major amounts of energy reading the news and contemplating the opinions and the blame game that follows.

This time, started like the others:

• People began to express shock, sympathy, anger and fear.
• A mother of a gay man posted supportive messages to the Orlando community.
• A gay friend changed his personal profile picture to reflect how deeply he relates to their pain.
• Several friends posted anti-gun messages. Others rushed to defend their rights.
• Some forwarded political responses. Others dissected those responses.
• Some forwarded articles about Jihad. While others were quick to defend Islam.

Not one of these reactions stands alone – each one is a piece of a giant puzzle.

…A puzzle we won’t solve unless we are willing to examine each one and look at the picture they create when all the pieces are in place.

“ Real change, not the politically correct version, is built upon seeking the truth. —MIKE MYATT

These are the emotions and the thoughts that I am filled with as the puzzle is coming together:

1. Deep sadness for the people that were there, and for their families and friends.
2. Thoughts of those throughout our world that have experienced similar things.
3. Empathy for LGBT friends and their loved ones.
4. Love for many of my neighbors that are Muslim, as my mind replays a recent conversation with one of them about what she has personally experienced after major attacks took place.
5. Recognition that ISIS wants to leverage hate to divide people, while pondering the data an award-winning Muslim journalist has shared about Radical Islam.
6. Remembering why the right to bear arms was built into our constitution and considering how gun laws work and don’t work.
7. Knowing that:

• Hate-filled hearts will always find ways to commit evil.
• Low-trust and our willingness to consider other perspectives impact our ability to problem-solve.
• Truth, love and standing together will cast out fear.

Whew that puzzle made it difficult to sleep that night and took me to my knees in prayer for:

• For truth-seekers.
• For eyes that see and ears that hear.
• For wisdom.
• For collaboration, ownership and real problem-solving.
• For healing.

“ We can’t solve problems with the same kind of thinking that created them.

24 Hours after those prayers began, I started to witness something that that gives me great hope.

Several conversations that began with one person sharing their concerns and opinions on social media and others responding with alternate perspectives.  But instead of the typical “my way or the highway” debate – people were responding respectfully!  

• Real dialog instead of finger-pointing.
• Trust building instead of word-grenades.
• Real people making an effort to be a part of the solution instead of arguing so hard for their version of what that looks like.
• A few light-hearted moments.
• And some collaborative brainstorming.

I didn’t see it on one person’s feed. I saw unconnected friends starting unrelated dialogs. People that lean in opposite directions but care greatly for the greater good, each one starting from where they are but engaging with and listening to others.

I got so excited that I could not go back to sleep.

• THIS is how problems get solved.
• THIS is what our world needs more of.

And it’s beginning to happen…

The smartest people I know are the most willing to change their minds. They don’t want to be right, they want the right outcome-they want to learn, grow, develop and mature.  -MikeMyatt

I DARE YOU to start and/or engage in some of those uncomfortable conversations:

• Be 100% respectful.
• Do some research.
• Share data.
• Then consider the stories, research and perspectives of others.
• And start to imagine what could be…

I become an agent of change, only to the degree that I begin to live to help things go right rather than simply to correct things that are going wrong.  Rather than simply correcting, for example, I need to re-energize my teaching, my helping, my listening, my learning.  I need to put time and effort into building relationships. –The Anatomy of Peace Book

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If you really want to be an agent of change, and need help getting started:

This blog post includes a video with a true story about how much change is possible when we start with the only people we control…  Ourselves.

• Reflections about understanding racism.
• Reflections about police shootings.
• Reflections about hate, lessons from history.

Image credits:  Grace Whitney Harrington and iStock

A few weeks ago I was guest hosting the Lead With Giants Tweet Chat with Dan Forbes.

When we asked the question, “What have you learned from considering another perspective?”  Lori King responded and indicated that 120 characters was not enough space to list all that she has and is learning.

Because perspectives fascinate me, I asked her if she would be willing to write more and allow me to share what she has learned about perspectives in a guest post. I’m delighted that she accepted.

It is fascinating that although I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and writing about how other perspectives increase understanding, and fuel intellectual and organizational growth, Lori’s post emphasizes how the perspective of others can help us find clarity about our purpose.

Below is her story…

Three years ago, I made the decision to leave a business I started with a partner.

It started with a strong desire to take the summer off to spend time with my elementary aged children. I felt guilty for working when I was at work and I felt guilty at home when there was work to be done, which is all the time when you own a small business. The summer flew by and the next thing I knew, my kids were going back to school. I wasn’t refreshed, revitalized or ready to return to work. Instead, I dreaded going back.

I have an angel hanging next to my computer with this quote on it that my business partner gave me:

“ You must do the thing you think you cannot do. —ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

I had always loved it. I thought about the quote many times over the years applying it to this or that event; but, it never quite fit. As

I write this now, I know what it is I thought I couldn’t do. Leave.

And leave I did.

The process was a painfully slow awakening and one of the hardest things I have done.

While my children were in school, I had time to reflect and listen deeply to figure out what is my purpose in life. I was always too busy before to have the time to think in this manner.

• I began meditating.
• I read more books than ever.
• I attended online webinars about topics I was interested.
• I attended Twitter chats and became an ambassador to a popular chat on the world of work.

As time went by, I struggled with where I was in my life. I asked “Why?”

• Why did I get a biology degree?
• Why was I CEO of a translation business?
• Why did I enjoy leadership and chats regarding the world of work?
• Why couldn’t I let go of my social media handle that connotes translation?

I voiced these questions to a dear friend I met on Twitter. It’s interesting when you are so immersed and swirling around in your stuff you don’t see what’s right in front of you.

This was her perspective: It’s all connected.

Biology has everything to do with how the body communicates, translation is communication from one language to another and social media definitely falls into the communication field.

While I stayed home with my kids, I felt incomplete. I have always been a career-minded person. A couple clients hired me to assist them with communicating on social media. My first client said my name was perfect, “You translate my thoughts to the world.” As I kept seeing my world through the lens of my past and felt stuck, these people were not immersed in my story; and therefore, it was easy for them to be forward thinkers.

With these perspectives supporting what I think is my purpose, I show up every day communicating with purpose. I feel aligned and joyful whereas 10 years ago I was over-worked and stressed.

I got validation after listening to the first WBECS Pre-Summit webinar with Judith E. Glaser: “Healthy Cells, Healthy Cultures” in which she discussed the relevance between healthy and unhealthy cells in the body to healthy and unhealthy cultures in the world of work. I see the bridge from biology to communication, I see a bridge from language to communication and I see a bridge from where I am now to working in social media communication thanks to just looking at life through a different lens.

The connections are endless!

Please share:  Has something happened to you that you can look at from a different perspective and see the light?