You can be manipulated by:

• A boss, co-worker or an employee
• A family member or a friend
• An elected official or a dictator
• A religious authority
• The media or Hollywood

In our next Conversation Safari we will be discussing manipulation.  

Below are some of the questions and thoughts we will consider:

1. Have you ever been manipulated?  
2. By one person, a group of people or strangers?
   • “Propaganda does not deceive people; it merely helps them to deceive themselves.” Eric Hoffer
3. When has it been unintentional? 
4. When has it been intentional?  (Maybe for personal gain without considering long-term consequences.)
5.  When has it been intentional AND strategic?  (To control people and results.)
   • Hitler believed that the skillful and unremitting use of propaganda could persuade people to believe that Heaven was Hell…
6. Do you always know when you are being manipulated? 
7. How is manipulation impacting your life and your environment?  
8. How do you respond when it happens?  
9. What can you do differently to discern when manipulation is happening and choose a wiser response?
   • “Belief can be manipulated. Only knowledge is dangerous.” ― Frank Herbert

Please share your thoughts about these questions and quotes in the comments.

After the Safari – I’ll share participant feedback in a new post on this blog.

TIP:  If you frequently lump everyone of a particular:

• Race
• Rationality
• Faith
• Political Party
• Uniform
• Position

…Into a single stereotype – You are failing to see them as people. -Anatomy of Peace Book

“ If you can’t see past the stereotype:  Has your thinking been manipulated?

You can change that and choose to become a truth detective: 

1. Take a break from the news, Hollywood, and the people you normally surround yourself with.
2. Dig deeper.  Read further.
3. Meet with others.  Listen first.  Then share your perspective.
4. Pray for discernment.
5. Share what you are learning.
6. Repeat the process.

“ A wise man will hear and increase learning. —PROVERBS

Viktor Frankl survived a concentration camp and said this…

Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.

Post Charlottesville conflict continues to fill the airwaves and cyberspace, encouraging chaos and division.

…So how have you been responding?  Are you:

1. Denying that this conflict is impacting real lives, workplaces and communities?
2. Pushing your perspective on others?
3. Sitting in silence and worrying about it?
4. Studying the issues, and then carrying your candle into the darkness, determined to be a part of the solution?

IF YOU SEEK TO BE A PART OF THE SOLUTION:

The process below will help you fully leverage your freedom, while strategically using both your mind and your heart.

Seek FIRST to UNDERSTAND:

1. Your perception and my perception don’t have to be the same to be real to each one of us.
2. You’re NOT listening to someone if you respond by saying,  “It wasn’t me.” – Or – “Look – they are just as bad.”

“ A wise man will hear and increase learning. -Proverbs

CHOOSE COMPASSION:

Sit with those you don’t understand or agree with and listen. Use your ears and your heart, honoring the experiences that are driving their emotions.

1. How old are they?
2. Where have they lived and traveled?
3. How have they personally experienced hate? – Or – How have they been taught to hate?
4. How many years have they been experiencing hate? – Or – Been focused on hateful propaganda?
5. How long does it take you to forgive intentional hate? – Or – Consider a new perspective?

Now let everything they shared soak in.

Did you hear anything you had not considered before? How has your knowledge, compassion and understanding increased?

THINK CRITICALLY:

Deeply consider current events and historical facts.

1. As you review current publications – Are you reading and considering all sides to a story? Are you mindful of specific examples throughout history – where evil people manipulated violence and death to spin the narrative and control the outcome?  Do you identify false news – especially when it is saying what you want to believe or are you being manipulated?
2. If you are struggling with hate speech – Have you ever considered why we have freedom of speech?  How do you use your freedom of speech? Do you know what it is like to live where speaking what you believe is restricted? Have you studied what has happened in countries where this freedom has been taken away? Can you separate hateful speech from hateful acts?
3. When preserving history is important to you – Will you review how history has been preserved in your community? Is the whole story being told about the imperfect humans from different races that shaped our country? …Or are there better ways to do this?

NOW CHOOSE YOUR RESPONSE:

Don’t be surprised if you learn something that softens your heart, or alters your thinking.  Slightly or significantly.  You are growing.

Your brain is  wired to learn. So whatever you think stirs your emotions. Those emotions then direct your behavior and ultimately create your results.

THEN LOOK FOR LIGHT AND SHARE IT:    

Now focus on discovering and sharing how people are communicating, working together and finding solutions –  by doing so, you are sharing vision, offering hope, and generating more light.

One candle illuminates the darkness.

One person can make a difference.

Be that one.

I have used this process with many divisive issues.  Each time has led to a different result.

• Sometimes I started on an uninformed fence, and ended up with an informed opinion.
• Other times, I started in one place, and ended in another.
• And in other situations, my heart has softened greatly toward those that hold a different opinion, even though my mind still holds many of my original views.

If you decide to continue reading below, I will share where this issue has taken me.  

My objective is NOT for you to agree with me.  Instead I want to: 

• Emphasize the importance of leveraging our uncommon freedom – to listen, think, speak, collaborate, learn and problem solve.
• Spotlight the wisdom that comes from strategically balancing the use of both your heart and your brain when these issues arise.

 I’d love to hear from you as you work this process: Where did you start? What are you learning? How are you sharing those learning’s with others?

When New Orleans considered removing Confederate statues:

• I thought of the way the Nazis controlled what people learned – so that they could manipulate what people thought and how they would respond.  As a result, my immediate reaction was that we can’t learn from erased and sanitized history – therefore it would be dangerous and unwise to remove statues.

MY HISTORICAL FILTERS:

I was raised in a state that is 90% white and although I was not surrounded by diversity, I was taught to love my neighbor as myself.

As a child I raged about slavery and racism – but viewed it all as historical.  Almost as if someone had waved a magic wand and suddenly racism disappeared.  (Not at all logical, but what my heart wanted to believe.)

SEEKING FIRST TO UNDERSTAND and CHOOSING COMPASSION:

As an adult I moved to a southern state, and new friends helped me understand that when they were children it was illegal for them to:

1. Use a toilet or to drink from a fountain for white people
2. Eat in particular restaurants and limited seating in other restaurants
3. Attend school with white children
4. Marry a white person
5. Vote

LEARNING: My friends have scars from years of their lives – living what I have only imagined.

A few years later I moved to another southern state and discovered that one of my black friends was afraid to go to a neighboring city in the daylight because the KKK is still terrorizing people there. A few weeks later, a white friend shared that when he moved to the area from another state that he had invited black friends to his home and the KKK warned him not to do it again.

LEARNING: Some of my friends are still living – what I have only imagined.  

Most recently, I spent 4 years living overseas. During that time I lived near and worked with people from more than 50 nations in our world. And deeply treasured our conversations, sharing food, traditions, and learning about each other.

Although most of my experiences were filled with great love and are deeply cherished, I consistently witnessed people from one nation bullying and manipulating people from multiple nations, races and religions.  In each of those moments, I was faced with the choice to believe that every single person from that nation is evil, or to look for the good. I chose the latter. At first I was only able to count 5% of the people I knew from that nation as compassionate, caring and trustworthy. With focused effort that percentage increased to 25%.

LEARNING: If the majority the interactions I had with people of a particular race, nationality or uniform throughout my entire lifetime were negative – Could I still make the hard choice to continue to look for the ones that aren’t like that? Or would I be even a little bit tempted to make the easy assumption that all of them are bad?

THINKING CRITICALLY:

As I explored all sides of this issue I was greatly influenced by a speech given by Mitch Landrieu, the Mayor of New Orleans about why he was removing the statues. It is important to note that I didn’t expect Mitch’s speech to impact my thinking.  I thought he would offer some lame excuse for removing the statues. But his logic resonated. This is some of what he said…

New Orleans is truly a city of many nations, a melting pot, a bubbling caldron of many cultures. There is no other place quite like it in the world that so eloquently exemplifies the uniquely American motto: e pluribus unum — out of many we are one. But there are also other truths about our city that we must confront. New Orleans was America’s largest slave market: a port where hundreds of thousands of souls were bought, sold and shipped up the Mississippi River to lives of forced labor of misery of rape, of torture. America was the place where nearly 4000 of our fellow citizens were lynched, 540 alone in Louisiana; where the courts enshrined ‘separate but equal’; where Freedom riders coming to New Orleans were beaten to a bloody pulp. So when people say to me that the monuments in question are history, well what I just described is real history as well, and it is the searing truth.

And it immediately begs the questions, why there are no slave ship monuments, no prominent markers on public land to remember the lynchings or the slave blocks; nothing to remember this long chapter of our lives; the pain, the sacrifice, the shame… all of it happening on the soil of New Orleans. So for those self-appointed defenders of history and the monuments, they are eerily silent on what amounts to this historical malfeasance, a lie by omission. There is a difference between remembrance of history and reverence of it.

For America and New Orleans, it has been a long, winding road, marked by great tragedy and great triumph. But we cannot be afraid of our truth. As President George W. Bush said at the dedication ceremony for the National Museum of African American History & Culture, “A great nation does not hide its history. It faces its flaws and corrects them.

…Consider these monuments from the perspective of an African American mother or father trying to explain to their fifth grade daughter who Robert E. Lee is and why he stands atop of our beautiful city. Can you do it? Can you look into that young girl’s eyes and convince her that Robert E. Lee is there to encourage her? Do you think she will feel inspired and hopeful by that story? Do these monuments help her see a future with limitless potential? Have you ever thought that if her potential is limited, yours and mine are too? We all know the answer to these very simple questions. When you look into this child’s eyes is the moment when the searing truth comes into focus for us.”

As I pondered his comments, I thought about Holocaust Museums that include the star that every Jew had to wear and Nazi uniforms, flags, and propaganda that helped Hitler promote his agenda. None of it is sanitized, but it is placed in context so we can all learn from it without honoring evil.

Further reading uncovered additional perspectives that have provided more food for thought:

1. Thomas Tappan Thompson the designer of the Confederate flag wrote several editorials about his design,  “As a people, we are fighting to maintain the Heaven-ordained supremacy of the white man over the inferior or colored race; a white flag would thus be emblematical of our cause.”
2. General Robert E. Lee actively discouraged memorializing the confederacy, “I think it wiser,” the retired military leader wrote about a proposed Gettysburg memorial in 1869, “…not to keep open the sores of war but to follow the examples of those nations who endeavored to obliterate the marks of civil strife, to commit to oblivion the feelings engendered.”
3. In Germany there are no statues to honor Nazi leaders and it is illegal to fly the Nazi flag unless it is for historical or film purposes.

CHOOSING MY RESPONSE:

People matter: Red, yellow, black or white. ALL are created by God and precious in His sight. ALL are my neighbors. And ALL make our world richer. Racism and hate don’t belong our multi-cultural country or in our world. So I will stand against it will every cell in my body.

The whole truth matters: There is a way to tell the story of strategic minds, and people who fought causes that they believed were honorable – while emphasizing that it is a failed caused, and that the oppression of others is evil. That story gets richer and more valuable when we are equally devoted to sharing the stories of those that were oppressed, those that fought for freedom, and how all cultures and races impacted our nation.

We can do better.

“ Solutions are found when we seek the whole truth and love.

Image Credits:  Fotolia, iStock

Last fall we took an African Safari. Prior to leaving, several friends, raved about their safari experiences, claiming that it was their most epic vacation, and numero uno on a list of several destinations.

When I asked why… One friend said it was because of the animals.

Interesting. I LOVE animals, but I’ve been to the zoo and and wildlife parks. How could simply being in Africa create an epic vacation?

Once we were on our safari I realized that:

• In both the zoo and the wildlife park – You arrive whenever it’s convenient for you, but it may be after the animals have eaten breakfast, played, and are resting. (Which isn’t nearly as exciting as it could be.)
• In the wildlife parks – You don’t know what’s coming, but you drive in a car with the window up and look at the animals.
• At the zoo – You have a map and signs to follow, so no matter how magnificent the animals are, you know what’s coming next.

In Africa:

• We were up early – to be out when the animals were moving.
• We drove in an open jeep. No doors, no windows, no roof – nothing to limit our view or our experience.
• Each time we turned a corner we had absolutely no idea what we’d see. …Maybe a dust cloud, maybe one giraffe, an entire herd of elephants, or a new baby zebra.

We felt like kids that were on a grand adventure as feelings of anticipation, curiosity, awe and joy bubbled out of us – each time we discovered another group of animals in their natural surroundings.   …Playing, eating, exploring, and even roaring.

Several years ago I had lunch with a lady that had recently been asked to serve on the same board I had been asked to serve on.

For more than an hour we talked about the current state of the organization, the needs we had identified so far, the things we were trying to understand and figure out, the challenges we were facing and what we needed to do about them.  She was brilliant, witty, passionate and fully engaged in our conversation.

As we both prepared to head back to our offices she observed that although we had worked through the entire lunch, she felt like we were kids that had just had a play date. 

She was spot on!  We’d been like curious children exploring “what was” and “what could be”.  Our brains had been challenged, our passions ignited, a friendship was forming, and we were solving problems!

“ What if… Challenging conversations made us light up, like children at play?

I have frequently written about current issues that cause division and need solutions:

• Two weeks ago I shared specific reasons that each of us needs to learn to think at a higher level
• And last week I shared reasons that we need to be engaging in rich and meaningful dialogue with people that don’t agree with us

Instead of difficult dialogues:

“ What if… We would learn how to have “conversation safaris” that feel like adventures?

Imagine…

• Climbing into open jeep, instead of a car with the windows rolled up.
• Driving without a map, knowing you will enter unknown territory.
• Risking feeling vulnerable, so that you can feel like a child that is exploring, discovering, learning and filled with joy.
• Being curious instead of judgmental – And talk about what that roar means, why that elephant is in the road, which animals are predictable and which ones are not, and if that vulture is good or bad…
• Anticipating that this adventure will delight you, challenge you, build relationships and lead to real problem solving.

Sound like fun?  Then begin seeking others that don’t believe everything you believe and invite them to have an adventure with you!  

“ And in all conversations… Always prepare to be amazed. —CELESTE HEADLEE

Want more on this topic?

Do you have the courage to let them speak their truth?

Image Credits –Vacation Photos Kapama Game Reserve

As many of you know, I’m living in a part of the world where many freedoms that I once took for granted – don’t exist.  -Now don’t get me wrong I agreed to move here, to seek first to understand and to learn.  So I’m not complaining.  …But I absolutely must share what I’m learning.

Have you ever considered that…

• In countries where sharing research and opinions puts liberty and lives at risk – citizens are being taught that it is safer not to think
• In countries that allow freedom of speech, traditional journalists have done so much of the work for citizens – that we’ve allowed ourselves to become lazy thinkers
• Dialogue is a way for us to seek truth, gain new perspectives, build relationships, and solve problems
• Dialogue is also a freedom that many take for granted

Not long ago I watched a TED Talk by Margaret Heffernan titled The Dangers of Willful Blindness, in that talk she said,

Freedom doesn’t exist if you don’t use it. 

Within the same 24 hours: I watched several family members and 2 friends, use their freedom to share their political views on Social Media.   Three posts from 3 separate people, that live in 3 different places.

And then watched as some people expressed frustration at another political post, while others leveraged their own freedom to respond.

There was lots of talking, lots of defending and not much listening:

• One discussion ended with threats of no longer doing business together.
• One ended by several people unfriending each other.
• All three sounded hostile, and involved some of the following: name-calling, cursing and passive aggressive behavior.

On the positive side:

One of those discussions eventually turned a bit more positive, as people participating in the discussion took more time to show respect for the values of those they were dialoguing with, and then encouraging them them to read particular articles and think.

Another unrelated discussion started between friends.  And from the very beginning of the discussion most people paused to pay respect to the people they were dialoguing with and then challenged each other’s thoughts with new perspectives and more articles.

Those that are starting a conversation or responding have taken the first step in leveraging their freedom.  

The second step is learning to:

Hear the Biography, not the ideology.  — Agape, via A Free Listening Project

That second step becomes even more critical when you consider the following:

Have you ever read conflicting articles that report the same events with such entirely different perspectives that they don’t sound like the same event?  …And then you aren’t sure what to believe?

This article emphasizes how Social Media has disrupted the truth.

In a biased world that is not fact checked – WE must to learn to listen, research, dialogue and think!!!

Yes it takes time, energy, courage, and humility.

(And to be honest there are times my brain feels it’s been through a blender!)

But thinking will fuel your intellectual growth.

It will help you uncover truth.

It will grow your compassion.

And it will help you solve big issues at a root level instead of a surface level.

You can start by asking this question:

Will you tell me your story?  I’d love to know how you came to this point of view.  -A Free Listening Project

To become even better at dialogue, these are great resources:

1.   How to listen when you disagree.  From A Free Listening Project
2. A TED Talk that encourages us to be a scouts instead of warriors.  
   If you can’t see this video in your RSS reader or email, then click here.

Special thanks to:

•  Tony Vengrove for sharing the article about how Social Media disrupted the truth.
• Erin Schreyer for sharing the article from A Free Listening Project.

Image Credits:

• Vacation photos from Kapama Lodge, in South Africa
• iStock

The pending election in my home country is stirring up a lot of drama, a steady stream of propaganda, bullying, manipulation and lies.

A few weeks ago a friend of mine shared this thought, “Look at your right to vote as a golden opportunity to help hire the right person…” LPS

He’s got a point. Our election is not a political issue. It is a leadership issue.  …And we get to make the hiring decision!

The person we “hire” will impact our workplaces, our families, our healthcare, our education, our security, how we practice our faith, how we treat each other, how well we relate to and serve other nations, and our future.

Their character matters! The culture of our nation will be shaped by the worst behavior we are willing to tolerate from the person we grant this title to.

World history and neuroscience both emphasize that when we are fueled by fear we are more accepting of authoritarianism and prejudice.

If slavery, concentration camps, and apartheid have ever sickened you and made you wonder how people could treat or even allow other people to be treated like that… We must not allow fear to drive our thoughts, behavior or decisions.

[Tweet “We MUST constantly build dikes of courage to hold back the flood of fear.” MLK”]

If you could hire the CEO of a company that you had heavily invested in, you would have a list of qualities that the candidate absolutely must have, and a list of qualities that would be nice to have – before you started interviewing and making decisions.

Have you made those lists?

• What is not negotiable for you?
• What do you wish for, that you would be willing to let go of if other qualities were present?

These are my must haves:

Their intention matters: Are they driven to protect and defend this vision:  “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” …Or are they motivated by pride, power, and position?

Do they bleed red, white and blue? 

Truth matters: If they have a history of dishonesty, lies and manipulation – they can’t be trusted to do anything they say they will or to stand for anything they say they will. Period.

Where there is trust, conflict is nothing but the pursuit of truth or the best possible answer. Without trust, conflict is politics. Trust lays the foundation for healthy conflict.  ~Patrick Lencioni

Wisdom matters: Do they deeply consider all sides of an issue before making a clear stand? Switching positions ONLY if there is new information that alters their perspective. …Or do they flip-flop to please the crowd they are with?

[Tweet “The wise hear and increase learning, and the one who understands obtains guidance. ~ Proverbs”]

Others matter: Do they seek to listen to, respond to and serve everyone equally? Or do they cater to particular groups and ignore, berate or demonize others?

When we weave the knowledge and strengths of individuals together we will create a more engaged, more creative, more effective whole and amplify the potential of our nation.  ~Chery Gegelman

Humility matters: Do they claim to be the answer to all of our problems? Or do they admit the limits of their humanity, admit that they don’t have all of the answers, and possess the skills to put the right team in place?

Humility leads to strength and not to weakness. It is the highest form of self-respect to admit mistakes and to make amends for them. ~John Jay McCloy

It would be like icing on a cake, if we could find someone that fits the description of Jim Collin’s level 5 leader:

An individual who blends extreme personal humility with intense professional will.  It’s not that Level 5 leaders have not ego or self-interest. Indeed, they are incredibly ambitious – but their ambition is first and foremost for the institution, NOT themselves.

Please share, what qualities are you looking for in our next CEO?

• What are your must haves?
• And what would be icing on the cake for you?

Image credits:  Ace Concierge and pixabay

1.  Create an EXPERIENCE:  

•  I brought some tiny matchbox cars to a meeting and asked everyone to take a car and personalize it.
• Then I gave them a bunch of foot-long crepe paper streamers and asked them to use a streamer to list one thing that was causing them to lose focus.  (And they could use as many streamers as they needed to.)
• There were so many that the streamers quickly covered the cars and we talked about how hard it is to drive forward when you feel so covered up that can’t see the people you are working with, let alone where you are going.
• Then I brought out a rocket.  (The kind you buy in a toystore that you can actually launch.)  The rocket was “beautifully decorated” with each of our objectives, and we talked about how looking up and focusing on where we were going could help us prioritize the demands and distractions, decrease our confusion and stress and increase our focus and results.  

And yes – when we achieved all of our objectives we drove to a field and shot off that rocket!

2.  Find OPPORTUNITIES in your routine:

 3.  FULLY ABSORB the places you visit:  

• The Palace of Versailles – 5 Ways to Fire-Proof Your Character
• The Anne Frank House – Leaders STAND for something ~ When do YOU STAND? 
• Italy – Sieze The Day:  When it’s easy and when it’s hard
• Egypt provided two!  A New Perspective at the Pyramids & Let this be your resolution:  I SEE People

Ahhhh…  EVERY sense was relaxed and inspired!

• The temps were cooler – sometimes jackets were actually required!    (Not the 110 degree heat we left behind.)
• The skies were bluer!  (Literally as most days our skies are hazy with sand.)
• We saw puffy clouds DAILY!  (A rare sight in the sandbox.  I had no idea how much joy I would find in the sighting of puffy clouds before I left my native land.)
• And we saw so much green that I could feel my soul resting and restoring.  (Yes – I literally got tears in my eyes as I whispered prayers of thankfulness!)

• We were inspired by their courage to journey far beyond their comfort zone.
• And reminded that doing anything for the first time causes discomfort but when you hang in there it fuels growth, builds confidence and may actually make you crave another adventure.

• On an uncommonly rough day at sea that made it difficult to stand or walk to a restroom and challenged even the toughest stomaches.
• The entire ride I thought about our ancestors that traveled a much greater distance as they crossed the Atlantic Ocean on an old ship without modern technology or conveniences and wondered how much more challenging that would have been.

A few days later we learned a bit more about the potato famine that devastated Ireland for 6 years.  

• As more than one million people lost their lives.
• And another million left their homeland to survive.
• We heard stories and songs about that time in history and imagined what it must have been like to leave everything you knew and loved behind – knowing you may never see or hear from the people you left – ever again.
• We saw the type of ships they traveled on. (Called coffin ships – How does that inspire hope?)
• And again I thought of our tiny taste of turbulant sea travel and how challenging it would have been to travel such a great distance.  

• And a story unfolded about JFK visiting his extended family in Ireland when he was the President of the U.S. – A story about his connection to the people and the land his ancestors came from, and their connection to one of their own experiencing the vision of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness – to the full!
• For the rest of our time in Ireland, we frequently noticed American flags flying next to Irish flags.  (Ah the power of vision and connection!)

Today we’re back in the sandbox

• Thankful for the shared adventure and the visual reminders about how much life and growth comes after we spend time outside of our comfort zones  – and it doesn’t matter if we leave those zones by choice or by heartache.
• Feeling very connected to the lessons about struggle, courage, risk, vision and life that have come from our ancestors.
• And feeling recharged and refocused.

Want more?

1. Check out this article:  Looking Back:  7 Times You Should & 7 Times You Should Not
2. Purchase our NEW Book Energize Your Leadership:  Get your Amazon Kindle Version Here or Have a book sent to you from Amazon here.

I published this post this summer just before the U.S.A. celebrated Independence Day!  

• I am republishing now because January is Human Trafficking Awareness Month.  Human Trafficking is modern-day slavery and it is the fastest growing crime in the world.
•  And January is also the month that we honor the life of Martin Luther King Jr. for all of the work he did to bring freedom to others.

As a U.S. Citizen, I grew up being very proud of:

• My country – where people came to pursue life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
• My family – who left everything behind in their countries of origin because of oppression and poverty and came to the U.S. to pursue those ideals.

And even prouder of:  My relatives and friends that served to defend the freedom of others.

Moving to the big sandbox we live in now took lots of prayer and courage because many of the freedoms I always cherished don’t exist here.  …But we came believing that we were supposed to seek to understand and to learn.

We weren’t here very long when a neighbor challenged me to consider that Americans don’t have a corner on the market on freedom.  I accepted her challenge and have been listening and experiencing for a little more than two years. And although we don’t have it all figured out yet, this is a bit of what we are learning…

A few weeks ago I had coffee with a woman that was born in Italy and lived there until she was a teenager and then moved to Canada. She has traveled all over the world and has spent the last three years in the same sandbox we are in.

• When I asked her what freedom meant to her BEFORE she moved her she said, “It was important.”
• When I asked her what it means to her NOW she said, “It is essential to my well-being.”

Her answers sent me on a quest. So I asked friends that have all lived in at least two countries to share what freedom means to them.

• The responses below come from women from Pakistan, Germany, Senegal, Australia, India, and Czechoslovakia.
• And they’ve lived in France, Morocco, Jordan, Saudi, Bangkok, Brazil, Libya and The United States. (One was even evacuated during a civil war.)

Before you read their responses, grab a pencil and write down how you expect people who have lived in these countries to explain what freedom means to them…

Ready?

Here’s what they said:

~Freedom mean to me is safety. If we have some strict obligations which some people think clash with freedom will not be harmful for me. Freedom of expression is more important for me. Which is restricted for women in Pakistan society.

~Freedom is not having to watch your back constantly & being able to express ALL your thoughts without worrying.

~Freedom is for me not worrying for crime or danger and also expressing your thoughts. Having some restrictions doesn’t mean not being free. But Freedom is also important in the smaller environment. When you are free and allowed to do the things you like. Freedom can be taken not only from the government it also can be taken from à family member.

For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. Nelson Mandela

~Growing up in Australia and not traveling too much freedom was something I took for granted. Now living here experiencing this culture and learning of others, freedom is something I will never take for granted again!! I don’t feel as if I have lost my freedom here, it was my choice to come here, it wasn’t taken from me, at the same time though on holidays and when we visit home I love to feel free and be me.

[Tweet “Is freedom anything else than the right to live as we wish?  -Epictetus”]

~What freedom means to me is being able to do many things without being forced and to be independent to take a stride in my life. My thoughts should not be controlled by someone, marriage was not my priority but single woman in our society has not a great life their freedom will be constantly watched and then you feel that you need a man to support you and that never lets you grow as an independent person. When I don’t have freedom I can’t do anything except what society tells me to do.   I want to embrace freedom as the caged bird does after it escapes from the cage and breathes the fresh air.   Freedom for me is growth of my own self without the world objecting me.

Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. Abraham Lincoln

~Being able to express thoughts and ideas without fearing others reaction. Being able to decide on my personal issues without prior discussion with family members. Freedom for me is also what was mentioned above regarding looking back. Living here didn’t really take my freedom. It’s more of what happened in my life since I came here. Freedom for me is also financial independence. I never knew what I had when I was home, I had it all but now living expat life with family made me realize what I lost and on the other side gained, being able to go back home and breathe and be me again is another part of my freedom.

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Did any answers surprise you?  What common themes stand out to you?  What answers are causing you to think deeply?

As I read through their responses – safety and freedom of speech stood out.  And then it went deeper emphasizing freedom of movement, to marry or not, to have financial independence and that freedom can be given or taken by a government, a family member or an outsider.

And then the popcorn in my brain started popping:

• From the things I can’t do in the country that I live in that I could do in the U.S.
• To a friend that grew up in a communist country that occasionally and secretly attended an underground church.
• To the things that some people can’t do no matter where they live because of a controlling family member or an evil stranger that has trafficked them.
• To the freedoms I assume that people have in the U.S. like safety and freedom of speech – and the examples in the news that remind us that we still have work to do.
• To my husband’s simple but powerful answer about what freedom means to him, “Freedom is in your head – it’s how you look at things.”

My experiences here have increased my appreciation of freedom, and my desire for others to experience it to the full, while teaching me that no matter where we are we can choose to develop strong minds that help us find peace in the most oppressive circumstances.

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. Viktor Frankl

Last night a friend posted some news about a hate-group that is meeting to spread their venom in The U.S.  – which led to a discussion about the gap between the vision of freedom in our county and the reality for many.

I shared these thoughts in that discussion:  Jesse Lyn Stoner is a vision expert and co-authored a book with Ken Blanchard called Full Steam Ahead. This is a quote from that book: “…It’s not enough to just have a vision. As your vision becomes clear you have to look at your current reality and take stock. You have to maintain your focus on your vision and at the same time, without blaming yourself or anyone else, be honest about the truth of your present reality. Vision without being present is like having your head in the clouds. Holding the present without vision is like being stuck in the mud.”

The moment we think we have achieved our vision, we are in danger of resting, becoming complacent and going backwards. (Much like winning sports teams and nations that have risen and then fallen.)

What would it take:

• For the vision of freedom to become the rallying cry of our nation and our world?
• For more of us to have the wisdom and courage to hear, see and speak truth about our present reality? (Without blame.)
• To develop the commitment and stamina to consistently move towards that vision?

[Tweet “What does freedom mean to you?”]

Image Credits:  iStock & Vacation

As we visited I thought of a story I heard years ago about two children that were teased every day at school by a bully. In spite of their pain, their families encouraged them to be courageous, to speak truth and to be kind and loving in in their responses.

After an especially challenging day at school the two children were hurting, frustrated and discouraged.

So the little girl’s father took them on a trip to a construction site. They sat at a distance and watched as a man hammered on a large boulder. Repeatedly he hit the massive stone with no apparent results.

…And then in one sudden blow the boulder crumbled into hundreds of pieces!

The children were amazed, and wondered why that one blow broke the rock and the others didn’t.

The father explained that with each blow the rock was breaking inside – even though the exterior showed no evidence of what was happening inside.

Today we honor the life of a man who consistently modeled that change can be obtained with persistence, thought, discipline and love.  

Martin Luther King Jr. spoke these words AFTER his home was bombed…

We are not advocating violence. We want to love our enemies. I want you to love our enemies. Be good to them. Love them and let them know that you love them.

As we honor his life I can’t help but to think about…

• The impact he had on the giant boulder of racism.
• Or of the gap that still exists between his dream and the reality for many of our brothers and sisters.
• Or of other boulders that exist that are destroying people, companies, nations and our world.

No matter who you are, or where you sit…  

[Tweet “Change won’t happen by wishing for it.”]

Or by waiting for someone else to do it.

[Tweet “The change you want to see is waiting for YOU to act.”]

Below are links to tools to help you be that change and prepare for the boulders you will face:

• This post will help you learn how to speak truth with grace.
• If you are feeling lots of anger about your situation, this post leverages MLK’s example to highlight how you can turn wrath into great leadership.
• If you seek to influence people who have a bigger title, a bigger paycheck, and more power than you think you have this free download will help you prepare to influence them.  (And if you a titled leader, it will also help you engage the wisdom and passion of your employees at a higher level.)

Image credits:  iStock, Historical Stock Photos

I crave places that look like this:

Our current environment sometimes feels like this:

I crave environments that make me feel like this:

…A month ago we returned from an extended vacation, part of which was spent in Italy. (A place that had been on my bucket list for a very long time.)  We spent time in the hills, the valleys, in the mountains, on islands, in castles, and in a gondola drinking in life and beauty.

Previous vacations at Versailles and in Amsterdam have taught me to expect valuable lessons to emerge in the midst of our rest and adventure.  So towards the end of our time in Italy I paused to reflect:

*First I savored everything we were seeing:  Green and blue landscapes and skies filled with puffy white clouds… 

*Then I remembered the regrets of a dying friend:  As he told his wife that he wished they’d taken more vacations together.

*Then I pondered how temporary everything is as I thought of:

• Lives and cities that were destroyed with the eruption and fallout from the famous volcano Vesuvius
• Endless examples of cities that were built on of ruins of older cities – many of which are lonely ruins today or have yet another layer of life happening above them

EMPHASIZING the words spoken throughout Italy, “Carpe diem.” ~ Seize the Day!

After our time in Italy, we spent a few weeks with our families seizing days!!!  We hugged, we visited, we ate, we sat by campfires, we played games, we watched movies, we swam, we looked at stars, and we soaked in more green and blue landscapes. …And I drove a car for the first time in 16 months! (Something I can’t do where we live.) I opened the sunroof and the windows and let the wind whip through my hair!   Ahhh – pure joy!!!

And when the time came to go back to our expat lives, I struggled with feelings of exchanging endless freedom for a box.  (I know my grandmother felt that way when she was moved from her home to an apartment, to assisted living  and ultimately to a nursing home. And I know that at some point all humans will struggle with physical, mental, or emotional limitations that may be real or imagined.)

[Tweet “Boxes make it much more challenging to seize the day!”]

A few times my struggle was so intense I had to go off by myself and just walk and pray and focus on the things I am thankful for right now:  A wonderful husband, a loving family, amazing friendships, lots of adventure, tons of personal growth, a deeper understanding of our world, and the ability to visit places that I’ve only seen in movies, pictures, and on maps.

 A few days later, we boarded our plane to head back to our expat life.  As we flew across the ocean, I watched Dead Poets Society just so I could watch the scene where Robin Williams reminds the boys in his class to, “Seize the Day.”  …And I willed myself to do the same.

When we landed we learned that Robin Williams had taken his own life.  There was no way to miss the power of this lesson now. Even as his life was ending, I was watching him in living color, reminding others to seize this day, and live it to the full.

 Today…   Is the first day, of the rest of YOUR LIFE.

• You can seize the day by being thankful for the blessings in your life.
• You can seize the day by doing something outside of your comfort zone.
• You can seize the day by doing something to grow yourself.
• You can seize the day by doing something for someone else.
• You can seize the day by asking for help.
• You can seize the day by not looking back.
• You can seize the day by learning something new.
• You can seize the day by taking a stand.
• You can seize the day by listening more intently.
• You can seize it by forgiving someone.
• You can seize the day by trying again.

[Tweet “Do what you can, with what you have, right where you are.”]

How will you seize today?

Years ago I was dealing with a situation like that at work.  When I shared that frustration with an executive…  He told me that I needed to stop being a victim.

I was shocked.

I thought I had spent the past three years doing everything in my power to take ownership of a reporting process that was a potential risk to the company – a risk that was growing as the organization grew.

I had involved several key-stakeholders, I had shared concerns, I had collaborated on how to handle the present situation.  

…And I consistently believed that one of them would take the necessary steps to create change before this process had to be repeated again.

 How was it possible that my efforts to be an owner were perceived as being a victim?

In the months that followed, I discerned the following:

1. When I communicated the concern, I could so easily visualize solutions that I assumed everyone else could too.
2. Even though the solutions seemed simple and obvious to me, I had not clearly communicated any remedies. I had only communicated the problem.
3. I had horrible timing – I always pointed out the issues as we worked against a deadline, during a time of the year filled with multiple deadlines, and during a time of the year that people’s personal lives were also busy.
4. I did a terrible job of following up during the slower seasons.
5. I expected others to create change based on the information I shared with them.
6. And when nothing changed, I erupted, and the people I needed help from ran in the opposite direction.  

To this day I think that executive missed some important signals and opportunities by slapping a victim label on my head and walking away.

1. He didn’t hear that there was a growing risk that could impact him and the company.
2. He didn’t hear that I cared, and I wasn’t just being critical.
3. I hadn’t learned to lead up yet and he missed an opportunity to help me develop.
4. …And he missed an opportunity to develop his own leadership skills.

For some people, that label and attitude might have been a deal-breaker! …In my case – his label infuriated me enough to make me look even closer at the situation and to do even more to change it.

I made a visual of the problem and another visual of a proposed solution.

• And then I shared it with the immediate key-stakeholders.
• The next time I saw that executive – I shared it with him.
• When an internal auditor came – I shared it with him.
• When the company formed a risk department  – I shared it with them.
• And when the CEO visited I shared it again.

 And FINALLY change was created in the corporate office and rolled out to every location in the organization.  

Learn More About How To Lead-Up Here

When I work with organizations that are seeking to engage their entire workforce I share that story.

• I share it hoping to encourage other frustrated visionaries to keep trying to lead up.
• And I share it hoping that titled leaders will tune in to their frustrated employees and customers at a higher level.

When I started writing this story, my intention was to share it on this blog for all of those reasons.

…But as I wrote it I begin to see this experience from a different perspective.

And I begin to wonder if this story would help to bring some understanding to the racial divide in America….  

As a child I watched television programs and movies about slavery, the civil war, and the struggle for civil rights. Each time I became very angry that any human being could ever be treated so badly by another human being.

As an adult – those same scenes make my blood boil.

Sadly a white adult – I began to believe that those stories were from the past.

 In recent years I’ve begun to realize that there is still a gap between the vision of what we want our nation to be, and the reality of what it is for many of our brothers and sisters.

So if you are a white person – I challenge you to consider this part of my story:

• Consider how you might feel if you tried for years to communicate an important issue that isn’t just impacting your work, it is impacting your daily life in a deeply personal way.
• Consider how you would feel if no one seemed to be listening.
• Do you think you would be just a little bit tempted to feel hopeless, frustrated and victimized? (I know I would struggle.)

 As whites, we have an opportunity to not be like that executive and dismiss all the frustration we hear as victim thinking.

• We have an opportunity to listen more intently to the pain behind the anger.
• We have an opportunity to read, and watch and learn and get involved.
• We have an opportunity to offer clear and compassionate solutions to the problems.

If you are a person of color – I challenge you to consider this part of my story:

• Know that many human beings struggle to engage with someone who is expressing frustration. (Let alone hear the pain behind the frustration.)
• And each one of us faces the same temptation of that executive… To slap a victim label on your head and flee.
• And if we don’t stay a little longer to hear the pain behind YOUR story, we don’t tune in to learn about the gap between what we want for you and for our nation and what you are currently experiencing.

Many of us share the dream that you should never be judged by the color of your skin but only by the content of your character.

As a person of color, you have a huge challenge and a huge opportunity to help us see the gap between that vision and your present reality and to make change happen.

• Don’t give up. (Many of us are still struggling to understand what has changed and what has not changed.)
• Share YOUR current story.  And keep sharing it.  
• What do you deal with that we don’t experience?
• Recommend solutions.  (Remember that what may seem like simple obvious solutions to you, may not be obvious to us.)

 Henry David Thoreau said, [Tweet ““It takes two to speak truth, one to speak and the other to hear.” “]

 We can do this together.

Image Credit:  iStock