You can be manipulated by:

• A boss, co-worker or an employee
• A family member or a friend
• An elected official or a dictator
• A religious authority
• The media or Hollywood

In our next Conversation Safari we will be discussing manipulation.  

Below are some of the questions and thoughts we will consider:

1. Have you ever been manipulated?  
2. By one person, a group of people or strangers?
   • “Propaganda does not deceive people; it merely helps them to deceive themselves.” Eric Hoffer
3. When has it been unintentional? 
4. When has it been intentional?  (Maybe for personal gain without considering long-term consequences.)
5.  When has it been intentional AND strategic?  (To control people and results.)
   • Hitler believed that the skillful and unremitting use of propaganda could persuade people to believe that Heaven was Hell…
6. Do you always know when you are being manipulated? 
7. How is manipulation impacting your life and your environment?  
8. How do you respond when it happens?  
9. What can you do differently to discern when manipulation is happening and choose a wiser response?
   • “Belief can be manipulated. Only knowledge is dangerous.” ― Frank Herbert

Please share your thoughts about these questions and quotes in the comments.

After the Safari – I’ll share participant feedback in a new post on this blog.

TIP:  If you frequently lump everyone of a particular:

• Race
• Rationality
• Faith
• Political Party
• Uniform
• Position

…Into a single stereotype – You are failing to see them as people. -Anatomy of Peace Book

“ If you can’t see past the stereotype:  Has your thinking been manipulated?

You can change that and choose to become a truth detective: 

1. Take a break from the news, Hollywood, and the people you normally surround yourself with.
2. Dig deeper.  Read further.
3. Meet with others.  Listen first.  Then share your perspective.
4. Pray for discernment.
5. Share what you are learning.
6. Repeat the process.

“ A wise man will hear and increase learning. —PROVERBS

This is a piece of a puzzle.

-A PIECE of something greater than itself.

This piece is important.

-Without it, the picture is INCOMPLETE.

This piece is filled with critical clues about the WHOLE picture.

-But it will never be able to tell the story alone.

Each piece must be heard.

-But must NOT be the only perspective we consider.

ONE piece emphasizes:

My team

My budget

My knowledge

My experiences

My perspectives

My goals

-ME!

SEVERAL pieces provide more clues:

-But still fail to tell the whole story.

Our corner – Our people

Our side – Our needs

-Are more important than yours.

When ALL the pieces start asking:

Where are we going?

What do you see?

What do you know?

How can we help each other?

The picture becomes clear.

-And each piece becomes WHOLE.

Viktor Frankl survived a concentration camp and said this…

Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.

Post Charlottesville conflict continues to fill the airwaves and cyberspace, encouraging chaos and division.

…So how have you been responding?  Are you:

1. Denying that this conflict is impacting real lives, workplaces and communities?
2. Pushing your perspective on others?
3. Sitting in silence and worrying about it?
4. Studying the issues, and then carrying your candle into the darkness, determined to be a part of the solution?

IF YOU SEEK TO BE A PART OF THE SOLUTION:

The process below will help you fully leverage your freedom, while strategically using both your mind and your heart.

Seek FIRST to UNDERSTAND:

1. Your perception and my perception don’t have to be the same to be real to each one of us.
2. You’re NOT listening to someone if you respond by saying,  “It wasn’t me.” – Or – “Look – they are just as bad.”

“ A wise man will hear and increase learning. -Proverbs

CHOOSE COMPASSION:

Sit with those you don’t understand or agree with and listen. Use your ears and your heart, honoring the experiences that are driving their emotions.

1. How old are they?
2. Where have they lived and traveled?
3. How have they personally experienced hate? – Or – How have they been taught to hate?
4. How many years have they been experiencing hate? – Or – Been focused on hateful propaganda?
5. How long does it take you to forgive intentional hate? – Or – Consider a new perspective?

Now let everything they shared soak in.

Did you hear anything you had not considered before? How has your knowledge, compassion and understanding increased?

THINK CRITICALLY:

Deeply consider current events and historical facts.

1. As you review current publications – Are you reading and considering all sides to a story? Are you mindful of specific examples throughout history – where evil people manipulated violence and death to spin the narrative and control the outcome?  Do you identify false news – especially when it is saying what you want to believe or are you being manipulated?
2. If you are struggling with hate speech – Have you ever considered why we have freedom of speech?  How do you use your freedom of speech? Do you know what it is like to live where speaking what you believe is restricted? Have you studied what has happened in countries where this freedom has been taken away? Can you separate hateful speech from hateful acts?
3. When preserving history is important to you – Will you review how history has been preserved in your community? Is the whole story being told about the imperfect humans from different races that shaped our country? …Or are there better ways to do this?

NOW CHOOSE YOUR RESPONSE:

Don’t be surprised if you learn something that softens your heart, or alters your thinking.  Slightly or significantly.  You are growing.

Your brain is  wired to learn. So whatever you think stirs your emotions. Those emotions then direct your behavior and ultimately create your results.

THEN LOOK FOR LIGHT AND SHARE IT:    

Now focus on discovering and sharing how people are communicating, working together and finding solutions –  by doing so, you are sharing vision, offering hope, and generating more light.

One candle illuminates the darkness.

One person can make a difference.

Be that one.

I have used this process with many divisive issues.  Each time has led to a different result.

• Sometimes I started on an uninformed fence, and ended up with an informed opinion.
• Other times, I started in one place, and ended in another.
• And in other situations, my heart has softened greatly toward those that hold a different opinion, even though my mind still holds many of my original views.

If you decide to continue reading below, I will share where this issue has taken me.  

My objective is NOT for you to agree with me.  Instead I want to: 

• Emphasize the importance of leveraging our uncommon freedom – to listen, think, speak, collaborate, learn and problem solve.
• Spotlight the wisdom that comes from strategically balancing the use of both your heart and your brain when these issues arise.

 I’d love to hear from you as you work this process: Where did you start? What are you learning? How are you sharing those learning’s with others?

When New Orleans considered removing Confederate statues:

• I thought of the way the Nazis controlled what people learned – so that they could manipulate what people thought and how they would respond.  As a result, my immediate reaction was that we can’t learn from erased and sanitized history – therefore it would be dangerous and unwise to remove statues.

MY HISTORICAL FILTERS:

I was raised in a state that is 90% white and although I was not surrounded by diversity, I was taught to love my neighbor as myself.

As a child I raged about slavery and racism – but viewed it all as historical.  Almost as if someone had waved a magic wand and suddenly racism disappeared.  (Not at all logical, but what my heart wanted to believe.)

SEEKING FIRST TO UNDERSTAND and CHOOSING COMPASSION:

As an adult I moved to a southern state, and new friends helped me understand that when they were children it was illegal for them to:

1. Use a toilet or to drink from a fountain for white people
2. Eat in particular restaurants and limited seating in other restaurants
3. Attend school with white children
4. Marry a white person
5. Vote

LEARNING: My friends have scars from years of their lives – living what I have only imagined.

A few years later I moved to another southern state and discovered that one of my black friends was afraid to go to a neighboring city in the daylight because the KKK is still terrorizing people there. A few weeks later, a white friend shared that when he moved to the area from another state that he had invited black friends to his home and the KKK warned him not to do it again.

LEARNING: Some of my friends are still living – what I have only imagined.  

Most recently, I spent 4 years living overseas. During that time I lived near and worked with people from more than 50 nations in our world. And deeply treasured our conversations, sharing food, traditions, and learning about each other.

Although most of my experiences were filled with great love and are deeply cherished, I consistently witnessed people from one nation bullying and manipulating people from multiple nations, races and religions.  In each of those moments, I was faced with the choice to believe that every single person from that nation is evil, or to look for the good. I chose the latter. At first I was only able to count 5% of the people I knew from that nation as compassionate, caring and trustworthy. With focused effort that percentage increased to 25%.

LEARNING: If the majority the interactions I had with people of a particular race, nationality or uniform throughout my entire lifetime were negative – Could I still make the hard choice to continue to look for the ones that aren’t like that? Or would I be even a little bit tempted to make the easy assumption that all of them are bad?

THINKING CRITICALLY:

As I explored all sides of this issue I was greatly influenced by a speech given by Mitch Landrieu, the Mayor of New Orleans about why he was removing the statues. It is important to note that I didn’t expect Mitch’s speech to impact my thinking.  I thought he would offer some lame excuse for removing the statues. But his logic resonated. This is some of what he said…

New Orleans is truly a city of many nations, a melting pot, a bubbling caldron of many cultures. There is no other place quite like it in the world that so eloquently exemplifies the uniquely American motto: e pluribus unum — out of many we are one. But there are also other truths about our city that we must confront. New Orleans was America’s largest slave market: a port where hundreds of thousands of souls were bought, sold and shipped up the Mississippi River to lives of forced labor of misery of rape, of torture. America was the place where nearly 4000 of our fellow citizens were lynched, 540 alone in Louisiana; where the courts enshrined ‘separate but equal’; where Freedom riders coming to New Orleans were beaten to a bloody pulp. So when people say to me that the monuments in question are history, well what I just described is real history as well, and it is the searing truth.

And it immediately begs the questions, why there are no slave ship monuments, no prominent markers on public land to remember the lynchings or the slave blocks; nothing to remember this long chapter of our lives; the pain, the sacrifice, the shame… all of it happening on the soil of New Orleans. So for those self-appointed defenders of history and the monuments, they are eerily silent on what amounts to this historical malfeasance, a lie by omission. There is a difference between remembrance of history and reverence of it.

For America and New Orleans, it has been a long, winding road, marked by great tragedy and great triumph. But we cannot be afraid of our truth. As President George W. Bush said at the dedication ceremony for the National Museum of African American History & Culture, “A great nation does not hide its history. It faces its flaws and corrects them.

…Consider these monuments from the perspective of an African American mother or father trying to explain to their fifth grade daughter who Robert E. Lee is and why he stands atop of our beautiful city. Can you do it? Can you look into that young girl’s eyes and convince her that Robert E. Lee is there to encourage her? Do you think she will feel inspired and hopeful by that story? Do these monuments help her see a future with limitless potential? Have you ever thought that if her potential is limited, yours and mine are too? We all know the answer to these very simple questions. When you look into this child’s eyes is the moment when the searing truth comes into focus for us.”

As I pondered his comments, I thought about Holocaust Museums that include the star that every Jew had to wear and Nazi uniforms, flags, and propaganda that helped Hitler promote his agenda. None of it is sanitized, but it is placed in context so we can all learn from it without honoring evil.

Further reading uncovered additional perspectives that have provided more food for thought:

1. Thomas Tappan Thompson the designer of the Confederate flag wrote several editorials about his design,  “As a people, we are fighting to maintain the Heaven-ordained supremacy of the white man over the inferior or colored race; a white flag would thus be emblematical of our cause.”
2. General Robert E. Lee actively discouraged memorializing the confederacy, “I think it wiser,” the retired military leader wrote about a proposed Gettysburg memorial in 1869, “…not to keep open the sores of war but to follow the examples of those nations who endeavored to obliterate the marks of civil strife, to commit to oblivion the feelings engendered.”
3. In Germany there are no statues to honor Nazi leaders and it is illegal to fly the Nazi flag unless it is for historical or film purposes.

CHOOSING MY RESPONSE:

People matter: Red, yellow, black or white. ALL are created by God and precious in His sight. ALL are my neighbors. And ALL make our world richer. Racism and hate don’t belong our multi-cultural country or in our world. So I will stand against it will every cell in my body.

The whole truth matters: There is a way to tell the story of strategic minds, and people who fought causes that they believed were honorable – while emphasizing that it is a failed caused, and that the oppression of others is evil. That story gets richer and more valuable when we are equally devoted to sharing the stories of those that were oppressed, those that fought for freedom, and how all cultures and races impacted our nation.

We can do better.

“ Solutions are found when we seek the whole truth and love.

Image Credits:  Fotolia, iStock

Titled leaders and employees are happier and more successful when they learn how to have discussions that include deep listening and truth telling.   A failure to do either one equals missed opportunities for learning and growth.  (This is also true for family and community members.)

As a result,  I’ve been encouraging listening, thinking, and dialogue with increasing frequency and leveraging current events as examples of how we can do this.

As you watch the news, are you ever so aware of the pain and the division in our world that it is hard to think about anything else?  

Recently in my home country:  

• A woman was set on fire because of her faith.
• Two other women were punched because of their faith.
• Bombs were set off and people were stabbed for their faith.
• A man was killed because of the color of his skin.
• Several men were killed because of the uniform they wear.

Some have responded with fear and hate for everyone that is not like them. 

Others deny that any problem exists and encourage blind acceptance.  

Do we really have only two options???

What if you learned to walk through those fears to seek truth and understanding?

What if you sat at a table with people that aren’t the same color as you, don’t have the same religion as you, don’t wear the same uniform as you and actually talked about the things you are concerned about?  

The goal is NOT to win or to convince someone of your point of view.

The objective IS to:

• Consider another perspective
• Deepen your understanding
• Give you a reason to read more about both sides of the issue
• Have more discussions

If you are not sure how to get started, the discussion starters below are a good place to begin:  

• How do you experience racism today?
• Is there any one term that everyone agrees with that is an acceptable descriptive word for people of color?
• How do you know if someone’s intention is hateful or earnest desire to find the right descriptive word?
• Please share your experiences and emotions on days that terrorist attacks are committed:
  • As a citizen:  In the country it happened and/or in another country observing it from afar
  • As a member of the faith community:  That was attacked and/or as a member of the same faith as the attackers

“ Peacemakers: Balance Truth with Love

The more I do this, the more I discover how hungry people are for these types of conversations…

These are some of the takeaways from discussions that are taking place in living rooms and over lunch tables:

• Racism isn’t always open and in your face, sometimes it is as subtle as sexual harassment. You may know in your gut that is the intention but sometimes it is hard to define.
• Negative past experiences with a particular word or a particular “group” of people makes it challenging for us to hear that word or to engage with that group of people again.
• We all want to be safe and we all experience fear.  Some fear of being the victim.  While others fear being persecuted because of the hateful actions of others that just happen to look like them.  (Skin color, uniform, or religion.)

In spite of the urban legend that it is unwise to talk about some of these topics…

• These discussions have not ended in energy sapping behaviors.  There has been no shouting at those who disagree and no venting to those that do agree.  Instead, the people that have engaged in this process are anticipating a discovery, sharing their curiosity, listening with compassion, pondering deep learning’s, building relationships and leaving these discussions with great energy and hope.

On October 4th we’re launching Conversation Safaris on our International Compound to encourage these kinds of discussions between people from more than 40 nations and a variety of faith backgrounds.

Would you like to join us?  You can start Conversations Safaris in your living room, your dining room table, or at a larger venue in your community.  If you need help getting started.  Please email your questions to chery@consultgiana.com.

This post is the second post in a series on the challenges and opportunities that come from disagreement.  The first post was titled, What if…  YOU disagree with someone?  –Do you lob word grenades, judge and flee, or engage and learn?

This post is  a guest post from Dan Forbes and filled with additional feedback from people who attended the Lead with Giants Tweet Chat on this topic a week ago.

What If We Disagree? Seventy-five leaders gathered in the #LeadWithGiants tweet chat on Twitter to explore this topic. I’m the tweet chat host and Chery Gegelman was my guest host.

During the course of the chat we tweeted out 10 questions for participants to answer. Our audience included educators, coaches, consultants, business owners, and others who love the topic of leadership. It resulted in over 5 million tweet impressions. 

Q1 – What if we disagree?

DAN:  People disagree because they care. It’s the silent one’s you’ve got to watch out for. What if we reframed disagreement and considered it to be a door of opportunity?

[Tweet “@harrisonia When we disagree, we have the opportunity to listen to possible new solutions.”]

@Minimologist So what? The more complicated the situation, the more potential right answers there are.

[Tweet “@BethTabak  Disagreement comes from different life experiences. We can learn from each other.”]

 Q2 Why do we struggle to listen to and consider dissenting opinions?

DAN:  We get addicted to being right. We love to win and it feels good. If we are not careful our desire to win will cause us to disregard the opinion of others. We stop listening.

@SyndIrvin:  We are too busy focusing on why the other person think we are not right. The “It’s about me.”

@joychensf:  Because we believe disagreeing = disrespect n dislike. That’s usually not the intention.

@TerriKlass:  Listening to people disagree with us can feel uncomfortable. We need to work hard to be open.

Q3 When is it important to consider a dissenting opinion?

DAN:  It’s always important. Even more so when the stakes are high. Otherwise we fall into group-think and lose our innovative and creative edge.

@humanperspectiv:  When the risks are high. Sometimes the devil’s advocate is an angel in disguise.

@TranslationLady:  When you want to come up with the best solution you should listen to dissenting opinions.

@PPW78  When u want to understand all aspects of a problem u need to consider different perspectives

 Q4 When is it important to offer a dissenting opinion?

DAN:  When you believe that you have something valuable to say….say it. Say it respectfully and say it with caring, courage, and candor.

[Tweet “@mark_wager  If you respect someone enough to follow them – respect them enough to disagree “]

[Tweet “@harrisonia  It’s important to listen to a dissenting voice when a life is on the line.”]

 Q5 What specific behaviors and actions shut down productive dialogs?

DAN:  One way we shut down great conversations is when we interrupt others and cut them off. Do it once and you may be excused. Do it repeatedly and that person will never speak up again.

[Tweet “@AskWhatNext  When I feel belittled, talked down to, or simply not valued I’ll shut down.”]

@PanteliT:  “A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.” ~ Ed Murrow

[Tweet “@tomj_rhodes  When one tries to Bully through their ideas.”]

Q6 How does open and candid dialog impact problem solving?

DAN:  As a Coach and researcher in the discipline of Conversational Intelligence® I know the power of Level III Conversations. This is when we explore other’s perspectives, asking questions for which we have no answers, and listen to connect. This place of sharing and discovery helps us co-create new solutions.

[Tweet “@Cybuhr May 09, 6:31pm via tchat.io You learn that the trunk and the elephant tail are attached.”]

@djgreer:  You have to be open and candid if you want to get at the real issues. 2/3 of the battle is acknowledging the problem!

@Jyoung1219:  Open & candid dialog fosters creative & unexpected problem solving, prototypes, & solutions.

Q7 Do YOU seek to dialog with people who disagree with you? REALLY? Why?

DAN:  No, I don’t seek it out, but I welcome disagreement. I see it as an opportunity to move into sharing and discovery.

@AskWhatNext:  I try especially around politics but that often devolves. Honest debate is invigorating.

@tomj_rhodes:  Yes….I am not always right, I still have much to learn. I can’t do that by shutting my ears.

@GianaConsulting:  Yes!!! I want to see more win/win solutions in our world and less trampling of each other.

Q8 Why are we less willing to consider the opinions of other’s, than we are to share our own?

DAN:  Because we are human and hard-wired to protect ourselves. Not only that, but every time we “win a point” we receive a Dopamine hit in the brain. It feels good.

[Tweet “@Cybuhr We buy into the notion that listening implies consent, which isn’t true. “]

Q9 What have you learned from considering another perspective?

DAN:  I’ve learned that others often have better ideas than me. Shocker, huh? Just listening to others’ perspectives helps enlarge my own.

CHERY:  I’ve heard personal stories, that helped me see/feel the reasons for the dissenting opinion.  Those stories helped me judge less, and mine deeper for win/win solutions.

@humanperspectiv:  Even when we think we are unbiased, other can make us aware of new perspectives. Continuous learning

[Tweet “@TranslationLady More than I can list in this small space.  “]

[Tweet “@Cybuhr I’ve learned from dissenting opinion that dissenting opinion can be a sign of respect.”]

 Q10 How can we leverage different opinions to come up with better solutions?

DAN:  We can do that by creating space and a safe environment for everyone’s voice to be heard.

[Tweet “@joychensf Make it safe for people to share their opinions”]

@ccinspire13:  Build a diverse team. Create a safe environment. Don’t let one person dominate. Create expected decisions/outcomes.

[Tweet “@Cybuhr  Give ear to the dissenting voice. Give voice to the silent. Give respect to all. “]

“ So what if we disagree? …Maybe we should ask, What if we don’t? That would really be a problem.

You’re invited to join the #LeadWithGiants tweet chat every Monday at 7:00pm ET.  To learn more and follow Dan at LeadWithGiantsCoaching.com and LeadWithGiants.com

In 1999 I read Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People for the first time.  One of the stories in that book that captured my attention was about David Lilienthal, a man that was commissioned to head the new Atomic Energy Commission.

He brought together a very diverse bunch of influential individuals. And although they had a huge agenda and the press was pushing them for results he believed that efficiency was not the first priority – synergy was. So he wisely invested time facilitating relationship building, causing them to deeply understand each other’s history, goals, passions, and perspectives and transforming a group of individuals into a passionate team.

This is how Stephen Covey describes the result: “The respect among the members of the commission was so high that if there was disagreement, instead of opposition and defense, there was a genuine effort to understand.  The attitude was, “If a person of your intelligence and competence and commitment disagrees with me, then there must be something to your disagreement that I don’t understand, and I need to understand it.  You have a perspective, a frame of reference I need to look at.”  

Since the time that I first read that book I have carried that story in my soul,always remembering the impact that real relationships had on very diverse and very powerful people.

I’m sharing this story with you to emphasize that seeking to understand and dialog with those that are strongly opposed to your convictions is not a fluffy fairy tale.

[Tweet “You don’t need Pixie Dust to learn from those that think differently!”]

Highly intelligent and highly effective people that have taken the time to do this have developed incredible relationships, gained amazing perspectives, grown personally and professionally and made wiser decisions as a result of their shared knowledge and collaboration.

So my challenge to you continues… Will you dare to seek out those that hold wildly different views and seek to understand them and dialog with them?

• I’m doing it too! And will share in my next post, one of the things I’m doing and what I’m learning.

In the meantime, follow this link to read about the uncommon friendship and deep respect that U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ginsburg shared with Justice Scalia before his recent death. And see how their relationship impacted her professionally.

If you don’t engage those who hold dissenting opinions and viewpoints in candid and open discussions, you will struggle in developing to your true intellectual potential. Mike Myatt

Check out part III in the series here:  Breaking the Cycle of Division – Unity Begins with You!

The pending election in my home country is stirring up a lot of drama, a steady stream of propaganda, bullying, manipulation and lies.

A few weeks ago a friend of mine shared this thought, “Look at your right to vote as a golden opportunity to help hire the right person…” LPS

He’s got a point. Our election is not a political issue. It is a leadership issue.  …And we get to make the hiring decision!

The person we “hire” will impact our workplaces, our families, our healthcare, our education, our security, how we practice our faith, how we treat each other, how well we relate to and serve other nations, and our future.

Their character matters! The culture of our nation will be shaped by the worst behavior we are willing to tolerate from the person we grant this title to.

World history and neuroscience both emphasize that when we are fueled by fear we are more accepting of authoritarianism and prejudice.

If slavery, concentration camps, and apartheid have ever sickened you and made you wonder how people could treat or even allow other people to be treated like that… We must not allow fear to drive our thoughts, behavior or decisions.

[Tweet “We MUST constantly build dikes of courage to hold back the flood of fear.” MLK”]

If you could hire the CEO of a company that you had heavily invested in, you would have a list of qualities that the candidate absolutely must have, and a list of qualities that would be nice to have – before you started interviewing and making decisions.

Have you made those lists?

• What is not negotiable for you?
• What do you wish for, that you would be willing to let go of if other qualities were present?

These are my must haves:

Their intention matters: Are they driven to protect and defend this vision:  “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” …Or are they motivated by pride, power, and position?

Do they bleed red, white and blue? 

Truth matters: If they have a history of dishonesty, lies and manipulation – they can’t be trusted to do anything they say they will or to stand for anything they say they will. Period.

Where there is trust, conflict is nothing but the pursuit of truth or the best possible answer. Without trust, conflict is politics. Trust lays the foundation for healthy conflict.  ~Patrick Lencioni

Wisdom matters: Do they deeply consider all sides of an issue before making a clear stand? Switching positions ONLY if there is new information that alters their perspective. …Or do they flip-flop to please the crowd they are with?

[Tweet “The wise hear and increase learning, and the one who understands obtains guidance. ~ Proverbs”]

Others matter: Do they seek to listen to, respond to and serve everyone equally? Or do they cater to particular groups and ignore, berate or demonize others?

When we weave the knowledge and strengths of individuals together we will create a more engaged, more creative, more effective whole and amplify the potential of our nation.  ~Chery Gegelman

Humility matters: Do they claim to be the answer to all of our problems? Or do they admit the limits of their humanity, admit that they don’t have all of the answers, and possess the skills to put the right team in place?

Humility leads to strength and not to weakness. It is the highest form of self-respect to admit mistakes and to make amends for them. ~John Jay McCloy

It would be like icing on a cake, if we could find someone that fits the description of Jim Collin’s level 5 leader:

An individual who blends extreme personal humility with intense professional will.  It’s not that Level 5 leaders have not ego or self-interest. Indeed, they are incredibly ambitious – but their ambition is first and foremost for the institution, NOT themselves.

Please share, what qualities are you looking for in our next CEO?

• What are your must haves?
• And what would be icing on the cake for you?

Image credits:  Ace Concierge and pixabay

• …Like learning to drive, and turning the wheel to fast or hitting the brake too hard and then doing the complete opposite?

• He makes a plan, works his plan, dots i’s crosses, t’s, and always delivers before the deadline.
• If you have a question about a project, he’s researched it, and has a file full of information that can help you.

The challenge is that he is not an attention seeker and he doesn’t fight for the spotlight.

• His nature is to speak up when it seems appropriate, but if you don’t listen – you miss his wisdom, and he will react a bit like a turtle and pull his head inside his shell.
•  For years he quietly added significant value to the organization he worked in.
• But most of that value was hidden below the surface far deeper and wider than what could be seen at a glance.

So when a layoff eventually happened…

• The decision makers did not recognize the depth of his contributions and he was released.

• He began to realize how critical it was to speak up.

And just like learning to drive – he overcorrected.

• Sometimes with volume, sometimes with data, sometimes hammering so hard on an issue that it drove people away.

• He’s working to grow beyond his comfort zone.
• And he’s become more and more effective at it.

1. Don’t do it out of fear.
2. Don’t do it without explanation.

1. Hold tightly to the vision of what you are trying to achieve and how it will change your life.
2. Remind yourself of who you are and the value of what you bring.
3. Be open about what you are trying to learn.
4. Remember that over-correction is a normal part of learning and give yourself grace.
5. Don’t give up.

• When to be a candle and when to be a beacon
• Leading your new boss and your “old” one

Image credits: Ace Concierge

I published this post this summer just before the U.S.A. celebrated Independence Day!  

• I am republishing now because January is Human Trafficking Awareness Month.  Human Trafficking is modern-day slavery and it is the fastest growing crime in the world.
•  And January is also the month that we honor the life of Martin Luther King Jr. for all of the work he did to bring freedom to others.

As a U.S. Citizen, I grew up being very proud of:

• My country – where people came to pursue life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
• My family – who left everything behind in their countries of origin because of oppression and poverty and came to the U.S. to pursue those ideals.

And even prouder of:  My relatives and friends that served to defend the freedom of others.

Moving to the big sandbox we live in now took lots of prayer and courage because many of the freedoms I always cherished don’t exist here.  …But we came believing that we were supposed to seek to understand and to learn.

We weren’t here very long when a neighbor challenged me to consider that Americans don’t have a corner on the market on freedom.  I accepted her challenge and have been listening and experiencing for a little more than two years. And although we don’t have it all figured out yet, this is a bit of what we are learning…

A few weeks ago I had coffee with a woman that was born in Italy and lived there until she was a teenager and then moved to Canada. She has traveled all over the world and has spent the last three years in the same sandbox we are in.

• When I asked her what freedom meant to her BEFORE she moved her she said, “It was important.”
• When I asked her what it means to her NOW she said, “It is essential to my well-being.”

Her answers sent me on a quest. So I asked friends that have all lived in at least two countries to share what freedom means to them.

• The responses below come from women from Pakistan, Germany, Senegal, Australia, India, and Czechoslovakia.
• And they’ve lived in France, Morocco, Jordan, Saudi, Bangkok, Brazil, Libya and The United States. (One was even evacuated during a civil war.)

Before you read their responses, grab a pencil and write down how you expect people who have lived in these countries to explain what freedom means to them…

Ready?

Here’s what they said:

~Freedom mean to me is safety. If we have some strict obligations which some people think clash with freedom will not be harmful for me. Freedom of expression is more important for me. Which is restricted for women in Pakistan society.

~Freedom is not having to watch your back constantly & being able to express ALL your thoughts without worrying.

~Freedom is for me not worrying for crime or danger and also expressing your thoughts. Having some restrictions doesn’t mean not being free. But Freedom is also important in the smaller environment. When you are free and allowed to do the things you like. Freedom can be taken not only from the government it also can be taken from à family member.

For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. Nelson Mandela

~Growing up in Australia and not traveling too much freedom was something I took for granted. Now living here experiencing this culture and learning of others, freedom is something I will never take for granted again!! I don’t feel as if I have lost my freedom here, it was my choice to come here, it wasn’t taken from me, at the same time though on holidays and when we visit home I love to feel free and be me.

[Tweet “Is freedom anything else than the right to live as we wish?  -Epictetus”]

~What freedom means to me is being able to do many things without being forced and to be independent to take a stride in my life. My thoughts should not be controlled by someone, marriage was not my priority but single woman in our society has not a great life their freedom will be constantly watched and then you feel that you need a man to support you and that never lets you grow as an independent person. When I don’t have freedom I can’t do anything except what society tells me to do.   I want to embrace freedom as the caged bird does after it escapes from the cage and breathes the fresh air.   Freedom for me is growth of my own self without the world objecting me.

Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves. Abraham Lincoln

~Being able to express thoughts and ideas without fearing others reaction. Being able to decide on my personal issues without prior discussion with family members. Freedom for me is also what was mentioned above regarding looking back. Living here didn’t really take my freedom. It’s more of what happened in my life since I came here. Freedom for me is also financial independence. I never knew what I had when I was home, I had it all but now living expat life with family made me realize what I lost and on the other side gained, being able to go back home and breathe and be me again is another part of my freedom.

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Did any answers surprise you?  What common themes stand out to you?  What answers are causing you to think deeply?

As I read through their responses – safety and freedom of speech stood out.  And then it went deeper emphasizing freedom of movement, to marry or not, to have financial independence and that freedom can be given or taken by a government, a family member or an outsider.

And then the popcorn in my brain started popping:

• From the things I can’t do in the country that I live in that I could do in the U.S.
• To a friend that grew up in a communist country that occasionally and secretly attended an underground church.
• To the things that some people can’t do no matter where they live because of a controlling family member or an evil stranger that has trafficked them.
• To the freedoms I assume that people have in the U.S. like safety and freedom of speech – and the examples in the news that remind us that we still have work to do.
• To my husband’s simple but powerful answer about what freedom means to him, “Freedom is in your head – it’s how you look at things.”

My experiences here have increased my appreciation of freedom, and my desire for others to experience it to the full, while teaching me that no matter where we are we can choose to develop strong minds that help us find peace in the most oppressive circumstances.

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. Viktor Frankl

Last night a friend posted some news about a hate-group that is meeting to spread their venom in The U.S.  – which led to a discussion about the gap between the vision of freedom in our county and the reality for many.

I shared these thoughts in that discussion:  Jesse Lyn Stoner is a vision expert and co-authored a book with Ken Blanchard called Full Steam Ahead. This is a quote from that book: “…It’s not enough to just have a vision. As your vision becomes clear you have to look at your current reality and take stock. You have to maintain your focus on your vision and at the same time, without blaming yourself or anyone else, be honest about the truth of your present reality. Vision without being present is like having your head in the clouds. Holding the present without vision is like being stuck in the mud.”

The moment we think we have achieved our vision, we are in danger of resting, becoming complacent and going backwards. (Much like winning sports teams and nations that have risen and then fallen.)

What would it take:

• For the vision of freedom to become the rallying cry of our nation and our world?
• For more of us to have the wisdom and courage to hear, see and speak truth about our present reality? (Without blame.)
• To develop the commitment and stamina to consistently move towards that vision?

[Tweet “What does freedom mean to you?”]

Image Credits:  iStock & Vacation

Shortly after we moved here, one of my neighbors was venting about a conflict he had with another neighbor. In the midst of his anger he said, “I don’t know how the compound can let people live here that don’t have any integrity.”

Hit the pause button.

Rewind.

Replay… “I don’t know how the compound can let people live here that don’t have any integrity.”

[Tweet “Don’t we all wish there were a litmus test for integrity?!”]

Even the biggest corporations and most powerful law enforcement agencies haven’t figured out how to accomplish that!

• A DNA test – may help you eliminate people based on your prejudices but it absolutely can’t test integrity.
• Lie detector tests aren’t foolproof.
• And background checks can only verify if someone has ever been caught.

Other traditional options:

• Give blind trust to everyone. And waste tons of energy raging or grieving when someone deceives you.
• Be suspicious of everyone and let energy leak slowly from you.
• Review the data and trust your logic.
• Have a conversation with the person in question and trust your heart.

OR consider an option they don’t teach in school…

In our new book Energize Your Leadership I share a very powerful discovery that emerged in the midst of a three-year period of time that started with lies and loss.

That discovery instigated this question…

[Tweet “What if TRUTH is FIRST discerned in our GUT?”]

And that question triggered a flood of memories from my life when my gut had communicated truth that was in direct opposition with logic.  (Alarms about physical danger, cues on how to be a better leader, warnings about bad hiring decisions, nudges on how to leverage my gifts to serve others at a higher level.)  …Sometimes I’d listened. Sometimes I had not.  Causing me to wonder how much energy I would have saved by learning to tune into my gut at a higher level.

Have you ever:

• Been deceived?
• Struggled to discern the truth using only data and your logic?
• Regretted not listening to your gut?

When I polled my social media circle, 100% of the people that responded said they have regretted not listening to their gut. (…Even if they’ve never considered that truth may be discerned there first.)

If you are a corporate professional, a working parent, or a small business owner that has ever needed more wisdom and energy. I encourage you to check out our new book. It is filled with the true stories of 16 people that have worn those shoes and experienced energy sapping challenges as we worked to be successful in business and in life.

You will relate, you will be encouraged, you will be inspired, and you will gain practical and actionable advice.

• Get your Amazon Kindle Version Here!
• Have a book sent to you from Amazon here!