I was facilitating a workshop for students. The goal was to help everyone identify the bubbles they live in, and to encourage them to strategically pop those bubbles.

I asked questions that encouraged laughter:

• What is the craziest food you have ever eaten? Answers varied from peas to snake… (Yes for some of us, eating vegetables is crazy!)

Then questions that would help them think about their courage:

• When was the last time you stood up to a bully? Answers varied from never to yesterday.

And then questions to facilitate deeper thinking:

• When was the last time that you tried to understand someone else’s point of view, before sharing your own…?

Their teacher is dedicated, wise, fun, energetic, very compassionate and constantly models that learning is for everyone.  She laughed and encouraged the entire process.

When she said the last time she stood up to a bully was two days earlier – Some of her students were surprised that even adults have to stand up to bullies.  Others were simply inspired.

A few minutes later, I reminded all of the students that one of the habits of highly effective people is seeking to understand someone else’s point of view (POV), before sharing your own.  Their teacher processed that quickly and shared that she doesn’t think she has ever done that. …And then I was inspired.

• Their teacher modeled vulnerability, courage, learning and growth
• Showing her students that it is healthy to identify and pop our own bubbles
• Emphasizing that whatever change we want to see in the world begins with ourselves

Now fast forward several weeks.

Our International Conversation Safari Participants were discussing harassment and culture.

We compared experiences and the norms in different size business, different types of businesses, different states, and in the countries each one of us is from.

Then considered times that that cultural differences have made us feel uncomfortable.  And agreed that most cultural differences are explainable and excusable until someone voices their discomfort with a cultural norm.

Emphasizing that the moment someone says they are uncomfortable we have three choices:

1. To can stay in our own bubbles and defend our culture
2. To attempt to pop other people’s bubbles by getting angry
3. Or to pop our own bubbles by reaching out, listening and seeking first to understand

The first two options are easy choices that make us part of the problem.

The third option takes more time and energy but makes highly effective solutions possible.

“ When was the last time you deeply considered someone else’s POV before you shared your own?

Since our return home from Saudi Arabia, (A place I once feared and had zero desire to move to.)  I have been facilitating a series of workshops for students – sharing what day-to-day life was like while emphasizing critical life, leadership and people skills that they will need throughout their lives.

In each workshop students are given a visual of a natural process that will happen the rest of their lives – as they decide if they have the courage to leave their comfort zones or the grit to survive when life hands them circumstances they can’t control.

“ Learning to embrace life outside your comfort zone is a critical skill.

Some of the questions I’ve been asked about Saudi are worth sharing:

What was the best part?

• Living in an International Compound: Sharing life, friendship, and food with people from more than 50 nations and learning from them.
• Riding motorcycle with men and women from all over the world and getting to experience parts of Saudi that many expats don’t get to enjoy. (Yes – My motorcycle jacket had ½ of an abaya attached to it and could be rolled up when I was on the bike and rolled down when I was off the bike. Allowing me to be respectful and safe while enjoying time on the bike with my husband.)
• Vacationing in 11 countries besides Saudi and Bahrain in the 4 years we were there.

What was the hardest thing for you?

In order to say yes to living there I adjusted my expectations – intentionally trying not to expect things that I would expect at home. Most of the time that plan worked. Although, I never appreciated things that made life less clear, fair and efficient – I didn’t ride big waves of frustration.  There were two big exceptions in the four years that we were there:

• The first time was when there were bombings at mosques in cities near us three weekends in a row. The company we worked for hosted a security meeting and I expected that they would recommend a security protocol for our housing compound. The company did not have any of their own staff present – sending only their subcontracted security firm – who would not provide that information without the company’s approval. So we received none of the information I expected to receive, the entire meeting felt like a giant placebo and a waste of time. And I really struggled to find a new perspective and reset my expectations.
• The second time was this past summer when thousands of people – many who are dear friends – had their homes flooded in Louisiana.  I shared links on my Facebook page so that people could donate and support them. Not long before that, a man had been arrested and was serving time in a neighboring and much more liberal country for doing something similar. As a result, some of my neighbors in the sandbox strongly encouraged me to take my post down. As they shared their concerns, I remembered a few other situations in our location so I did as they suggested.  But I raged against the lack of clarity and the inconsistencies that caused this confusion and the need to even consider the possibility of removing the post.  Especially when my biggest desire was to support friends in need and the organizations I was recommending were vetted and trusted.

What was the biggest lesson?

• In order to embrace our unwanted change I learned to used both my brain and my heart in balance.  Constantly seeking truth instead of urban legends and choosing love over fear.
• As I watched the news while we lived in the sandbox, I noticed that in nearly every divisive issue in our world –  we are pushed to choose one of two sides: Total Acceptance OR Fear.
• We were all given a Brain AND a Heart. When we intentionally BALANCE the use of both we discover a third option -that leads to wiser and more compassionate decisions and healthier relationships, workplaces, communities, and nations.

Are you glad you are home?

Yes.  I miss the people we came to know and love and I am so thankful for our time there.  At the same time I am savoring life here in a new way:

• I fight tears when I sit in a church building – free to worship as I please.
• I giggle like a schoolgirl when I drive my car.
• And I am intentionally leveraging my freedom of speech at a higher level – hoping to encourage others to utilize this extraordinary freedom at a higher level and increase our ability to dialogue with and learn from each other.

 Did your values change?

• My values stayed the same, but they become deeper and stronger.
• My vision for helping people, workplaces, communities, nations and our world – grew significantly.

Would you go again?

• If we had it to do all over again – we would absolutely say yes!
• We learned more about geography, world history, different cultures, different foods, and different beliefs.
• We made amazing lifelong friends from all across the world. Which means we are more attentive to world news – deeply considering how it impacts people we know and love and the nations they call home.

What personal experiences will you cherish forever?

Life in the sandbox inspired me to try to make connections with Saudi ladies when I was out of our compound:

• Most of them covered their faces with only their eyes showing.
• I loved smiling at them and greeting them, and  recognizing when they were smiling in return by the way that their eyes lit up and crinkled.

On more than one occasion I sat on a bench and smiled at a woman next to me and greeted her in Arabic.  Each time:

• There was an instant warmth.
• A conversation – in spite of language barriers.
• I was offered some of whatever they were snacking on.
• And as soon as there were no men in the area, each one voluntarily lifted the cloth that covered her face.
• Brilliant, beautiful unexpected connections that make my heart overflow.

No matter where you live: You can choose to leave your comfort zone, use your brain AND your heart and reach out to others:

• Age doesn’t matter
• Race doesn’t matter
• Religion doesn’t matter
• Uniform doesn’t matter

“ The state of your heart matters… Be the change you want to see!

Looking for a speaker or a facilitator for your next event?  

Beyond learning about the day-to-day realities of life in Saudi that aren’t fairly or fully captured in movies or the news – Experiences and learning’s from Saudi can be leveraged to help:

1. People work through divisive current events
2. Students, adults and organizations develop critical life, leadership and people skills
3. Followers of Jesus to find Biblical responses to the news and division in our world

View Speaking Testimonials Here

Image Credit:  Pixabay

When my husband said we were asked to move to a giant sandbox on the other side of the world my stomach churned so hard I had to sit down.

How was this possible?  We said we would go ANYWHERE in the world except – THERE!  Scenes from movies and the news melded with my own fears and questions were fired off so rapidly my husband could not reply.

A “yes” wasn’t possible if I could not change my thinking:

• From the losses to the possible gains.
• From the challenges to the possible opportunities.
• From fear to faith.

One of the possible opportunities was living in a diverse compound filled with people from other parts of the world and learning from each other.  (I had no idea at that time how diverse – Our little compound hosts people from more than 30 different nations.)

The vision of celebrating our differences was so motivating to me – that I unconsciously began to assume that everyone who had relocated here, had the same focus.

The reality is that some people shared that vision or have acquired it along the way. However…

• For some, moving anywhere away from home is torture – let alone adding the element of extreme culture shock.
• Others can accept a new location depending on where it is.
• Some are simply too busy with the details to focus on possible gains.  (Getting children moved, in school and settled, navigating a new health care system…)
• Others are trying to provide emotional support to family on the other side of the world while adjusting to life here.
• And a significant number are navigating most of this alone – as their husbands are on worksites or traveling for a majority of the month.

So when normal cultural misunderstandings occur in our compound – The people involved are already under loads of stress.   In those moments, previous perceptions fuel behavior that is less than ideal – and the responses are swift, judgmental and lingering.  When that happens, I am reminded that we are a snapshot of the daily challenges in our world.

“ We end up gathering with allies – actual, perceived, or potential – as a way of feeling justified in our own accusing views of others. As a result of this fact, conflicts try to spread. So what begins as a conflict between two people spreads to a conflict between many as each person enlists others to his or her side. Everyone begins acting in ways that invite more of the very problem from the other side that each is complaining about. —ANATOMY OF PEACE BOOK

In the three years we’ve lived here, I’ve heard people say phrases like these more times than I’ve heard them in my entire life:

• I hate ___________ (insert any nationality).
• We all hate _________ (insert any nationality).
• Those ________ (insert any nationality or religious group).
• I’m not racist but __________.

So now when I watch the news and my social media feeds – I keep seeing what is lost in the great divide between “Us” and “Them”:

Each one of those losses continues to impact families, workplaces, communities, nations and our world…  

We don’t have to passively watch as it happens.  Each one of us can make the choice to break the cycle of division and help healing begin.

I recently shared how inspired I was when I watched a police officer named Chip Huth share how he and his department were transformed when they learned to see people instead of seeing problems.  And how his TEDx talk introduced me to the Anatomy of Peace Book.

This month a group of ladies from several different nations on our compound, will be reading the book and then getting back together to discuss it.

We’re seizing the opportunity to learn and grow in ways we can’t imagine yet.

• Imagine what would happen if each one of us found ways to alter our thinking and behavior just a little…
• Imagine the difference we could make if we planted more seeds of understanding and peace right where we are…
• Imagine what could happen if more people read the book and would have similar discussions…
• Imagine the impact we could have on the world if we took those skills with us to our next locations and back to our own nations…

“ I become an agent of change, only to the degree that I begin to live to help things go right rather than simply to correct things that are going wrong. Rather than simply correcting, for example, I need to re-energize my teaching, my helping, my listening, my learning. I need to put time and effort into building relationships. —ANATOMY OF PEACE BOOK

PLEASE SHARE:  Have you considered how you can plant seeds that heal division?  What are you doing to create unity?

Want more ideas about how you can be an agent of change in a world that needs healing? 

Check out the links below:  

• Stop attacking the character of others in order to refute his or her ideas.
• In the Face of Terrorism, Why it’s More Important Than Ever to Travel.
• The difference between Debating and Discussing.

The first two articles in this series are linked here:

• Benefits of Learning from Those Who Think Differently
• Opinions Anonymous:  For recovering opinionistas that are tired of division

Image Credit:  Pixabay

 When we spoke recently she shared how hard it is to develop friendships with people in the area.

When she is out walking and greets her neighbors, they look at her like she is from another planet.

When she meets people at her children’s schools and they learn that she was recently living overseas the conversation ends quickly.

Her interpretation is that they almost seem intimidated by the life she has lived.

• …While she sees herself as very average, and she knows her experiences in those other countries were significantly less-than glamorous.
• …And I know her to be gifted with the ability to tell great stories that would make them double-over in laughter, broaden their world and take the impression of glam away in an instant!

I also wondered if she is struggling to connect with others, simply because they have their friends and their routines established.

• They aren’t trying to be rude – they simply don’t feel the need to grow their circles, and don’t understand what it is like to be new to the area.

 A few days after that conversation I was visiting with friends from three different countries…

 One of them commented how much harder it can be to get to know someone from the U.S. than from other countries.

She gave us some excuses for our behavior too:

• Our country is so big.
• We vacation primarily in the U.S.
• And we primarily think and talk about the U.S. almost as if it is the center of the universe.

She wasn’t being critical she was just sharing her experience.  And I wasn’t offended but it made me very curious.

This is the first time I’ve ever lived outside of the U.S. And it has only been in the past few years that I’ve taken vacations in countries across the pond.

So I quickly admitted to:

1. Not yet, being able to see the world without my U.S. filter
2. Being terrible at geography and how embarrassing that is
3. Struggling to know how to engage with someone about any topic that I know absolutely nothing about
4. Frequently going home after I’ve met someone, looking at the globe and reading about their country on the internet

My friend laughed and said that when she meets someone that has lived somewhere she knows nothing about she just says, “That sounds interesting… what was that like?” The friend sitting next to her quickly agreed that is what they do in their country as well.

What a simply powerful way to move past the ice-breaker and into a great story, a new learning and maybe even a new friendship!

Personally or Professionally:

• Have you ever felt intimidated by what you don’t know or haven’t experienced?
• Have you ever struggled to find common ground before you asked questions?
• Would you like to learn about something you’ve never heard of or learn more about something you know very little about?
• Would you like to be more welcoming to a new face in your office or your neighborhood?

Try it: [Tweet ““That sounds interesting… What was that like?””]

Please tell me…  

What you do…   Do you have a favorite question that you ask when you are connecting with someone new or about a topic you know nothing about?

What more about navigating outside of your comfort zone?  Check out this post.

1. Does it help us to visualize better?
2. Or does it hold more negative connotations instead of creating equality? Is it a form of discrimination?
3. Will it call attention to and single out individuals as more of a minority status? How can this be kind?

About a month ago I got a note from Jane Perdue with an invitation to write a guest post for her blog with these questions as thought starters…

Do you ever wonder what women, men and society need to do so that…

1. Women and persons of color are designated as a doctor, not “a woman doctor;” as a scientist, not “a Latino scientist,” etc.?
2. Special designations aren’t needed in announcements, e.g.:  the first woman to lead the federal reserve, the first female best director Academy Award winner, the first African American female flight crew, etc.?

I struggled with this topic for a month. I was so torn but my heart and most recent experiences led me to a very eye opening conclusion. One you may be surprised by.

Read more at: Braithwaite Innovation Group Why our world needs FIRSTS – LeadBIG

We’re red, and yellow, black and white and every color you can imagine.

We’re in our 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and yes even in our 70’s!

Some of us are newlyweds, some are new mothers, some are raising teenagers, some have four-legged furry-children, and others have grandchildren.

We’re Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu…

Some of us have husbands home each night, while others navigate the new lands we live in while our spouses travel or are offshore for weeks at a time.

We’re not just “Trailing Spouses” – We’re real people that have been “Thrown In” and instead of being destroyed by the pressure of constant change and the unknown we’re transforming.

[Tweet “We’re The Real Housewives of Expat Men”]

Last week I announced a new blog series about Expat Wives in this post:   

Uncommon and EXTRAordinary Agents of Change  

This is the first story in the series.  

• It’s written to encourage anyone in the midst of change.
• It’s written for everyone that loves an adventure.
• It’s written to remind Recruiters and Hiring Managers that in order to find Diamonds you have to mine for them.
• It’s written challenge companies that hire expats to evaluate their processes.
• And most of all it’s written with a grateful heart and in honor of the women I’ve met on my journey.

[Tweet “We’ve walked into paralyzing fears and become stronger. “]

Meet Lana Simko – She is 63 and her husband is 66.  She lived in the same state in the U.S. her entire life.  Her husband retired one year ago.  But her husband kept getting calls to consider expat positions.

“He would be talking to people and I would just go upstairs, ‘cause I knew we weren’t going to do this.”

Eventually the calls instigated a serious conversation.  “He really wanted to do this, because he didn’t like being retired.  I said I would do this for one month.  …Because it was the only way I could do this.”

“We had cultural training before we moved.  The ladies that did our training had never been here, so they were telling us stuff that they had learned from books, or seminars or the Internet.  They had me scared to death.  Everything I did was going to offend the local people, and could get me arrested…”

Lana and her husband became first-time expats three months ago…

“So we landed, and the first thing I did when I got off the plane was to break one of those “rules.”  That scared me and I was scared anyway, so I got off the plane, walked around the corner, stood against the wall and started crying and told my husband I wanted to go home.  I was terrified.”

“The first day in the hotel, my husband left to go to work…  My plan for the day was to crawl into bed and cry.”

…And then the phone rang and another spouse told her to get up and get ready because a car was coming to get her.

Today Lana bubbles over with joy, and confidence.  When I asked her what’s changed she said,

“I feel like a completely different person than when I got off that plane three months ago.  If me, at 63, who basically came here kicking and screaming and after three months…   I’m having a ball and loving it, anyone can do this!  I never thought I’d say that, I thought I’d be home by now.  I miss my kids and grandkids tremendously, but I’m glad I’m here.”

Lana’s transformation was eased by the destination service that her husband’s company provided, the women who came beside her and because of her own determination. 

 Questions for Consideration: 

• Have you ever felt that kind of fear and walked into it anyway?
• Are any of your employees (or their families) feeling that kind of fear right now?
• Are you providing support for them that helps them move through the fear, or is the support you thought you were providing actually increasing their fear?
• If your neighbors are in the midst of extreme change, how are you supporting them?
• If you are in the midst of that kind of fear, what are you doing to encourage yourself?  

Freedom itself was attacked this morning by a faceless coward and freedom will be defended.  President Bush

At that time, I had no idea that I would be spending this year’s anniversary of that occasion in a big sandbox on the other side of the world.

All of a sudden there were people screaming. I saw people jumping out of the building. Their arms were flailing. I stopped taking pictures and started crying.  Michael Walters

Yesterday, I sat in a room filled with American Expats, some of which have lived in this sandbox for more than 20 years, some more than 10 years, and many in the less than five year category.  (And yes – those of us in the less than 5 year category are holding tightly to our 3- year commitment!)

During the gathering my friend, Jan Hibler shared why this group means so much to her and emphasized how much harder life was here 12 years ago.  (If you’ve been following my expat stories – you know that life here is a challenge today, so imagining even more constraints just adds exclamation marks to those stories.)

And then that day came when the planes hit and while we were focused on what was going on in America, this is small taste of what life was like for the people here…

It was such a horrible time, and everyone was tense and some people were really frightened,

For the first few days, everyone stayed locked down.  The guys did all the work they could at home, but not all of them could stay home for very long at all.  Eventually, the men were allowed, very sparingly, to leave for work. 

There was a real concern for Westerners being outside the compounds. Our compound was locked down for 3 weeks. (I think that was about the same for everyone including the schools.) During that time, dependents were not allowed to leave the compounds at all.

That probably worried me more than that fact that we had to fill out a list for our groceries to be brought in. (Actually, those grocery lists and corresponding deliveries were some of the best comic relief of all during that time!)

Sometime in October the American Women gathered together – The decision to go ahead and meet with was a tough one because of the fear that there would be trouble, but the intense feeling that we wouldn’t be held down finally made it happen. The concession to where we were (and all the fears) was that there were several small meetings in different compounds instead of one meeting with all the members.

You can be sure that the American spirit will prevail over this tragedy. Colin Powell

The greatest thing of all in that first meeting after 9/11 was that we said the pledge. Every woman in the room was in tears before we could finish it, some ladies started crying as soon as the flag was unfurled. It was just so incredible to stand with the other women and pledge to our flag, so emotional, and so needed.

Still brings me tears when I remember it.

“I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free.

And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.

And I’ll gladly stand up next to you, and defend her still today.

‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land, GOD BLESS THE USA!”  Lee Greenwood 

~~~

PLEASE SHARE:

What was your 911 experience?  What does it mean to you today?  

Highly recommended additional posts about September 11:
First Hand Account of 9-11 by Penelope Trunk
9-11 Infographic:  The Destiny of a Nation by Mike Myatt

Three weeks ago we were blessed with a two-week vacation to see the people we love, and to do some traveling.  Now everyone is asking if it is even harder to go back to the sandbox.

Yes – I’m tired.  I think that’s from the traveling and the heat and humidity we returned to.

No – I did not miss my “cloak of invisibility” – I did not dig it out once the entire time we were gone.

Yes – I still miss blue skies and puffy clouds.  (I took this photo of puffy clouds on the plane.)

No – I didn’t think I missed driving that much, until I saw my car.  When I saw it I literally had to go sit in it, and open the sunroof and imagine I was cruising down the road on day filled with bright sunshine and cool breezes. (Unfortunately, driving it will have to wait until the next visit with the hopes that there will be more time re-tag it and get it out of storage.)

However, many of my friends said that after a summer away from this place, returning was harder than usual.  (…And not being able to load their children in a car and take off go wherever and whenever they want to, is one of the reasons for their struggle.)

Yesterday as I sat at the grocery store waiting an hour for my bus, not being able to drive hit home at a higher level:

• First a young expat mother, fully cloaked in the required black robe, came through the door pushing a heavy stroller that was filled with an older child that had outgrown it and carrying a baby.  All three had sweat soaked hair and perspiration running down their faces, the mom was obviously stressed and fighting tears.  The older child was sick and the mother couldn’t find what she needed for him and she was trying to find the solution on foot, in the heat, in a strange land before her bus would arrive.
• Moments after we took the baby from her, handed her damp towels to wipe the sweat off, and they had something cool to drink another woman walked up.  This woman is a new expat and thought she recognized others from her compound.  She explained that she had taken the compound bus to a nearby bookstore, but the driver had not come back for her at the appointed time, which was nearly an hour ago.  In the meantime, that store had lost all power causing her to leave and walk to the location we were in.  She did not have the phone number for the driver or for anyone in the compound.  When she discovered us, she was on the phone asking her husband to leave work to come and get her.

So yes – My time at the Anne Frank House last week hit home at a very high level, perhaps as one of my expat friends suggested, because many of the restrictions the Jews faced during WWII resemble the restrictions for women in this country.

In the midst of it all, I’m reminded that the secrets to making it as an expat are the secrets to adapting to any change:

• Focus on the blessings, or the challenges will eat you alive.
• Be willing to be vulnerable and ask for help when you need it.  By doing so, you receive the full gift of the experience and gain wisdom, renewed strength, and life-long friendships.
• Turn each challenge into an adventure and use it to be better prepared the next time and to support others.

Some of the blessings I’m counting:

• My husband does not work offshore.  So he is with me every night.  (That is not the case for other women here.)
• That we are all in this together:  If another expat has an extremely tough day, others rally on their behalf!  (When you move from state to state you don’t usually have a community of people like this to help you navigate the challenges or the emotions that come with change.)
• In two and a half months we get to take another trip, this time to a place on my husband’s bucket list.  (Ahhh, the power of a vision!)

So back in the sandbox I am doing significantly better than I usually am 4 – 6 months after a new move.

Please share:  

What advice would you give to others to stay focused, positive and purposeful in the midst of change?   

Have you ever felt like this?  

How about like this?  

When we agreed to move across the ocean to the land we have committed to live in for a couple of years, we knew life was about to change drastically.  (Click here to learn how much life has changed.)

Shortly after we arrived I met with several women who repeatedly talked about a place that is a short distance away that they go to just to escape the realities of the world we live in.

…Many of them emphasized how a night or two in that place can make them feel refreshed, lifted and strengthened.

 In order to get to that place we had to wait a couple of months:

• For paperwork for me.
• Additional travel paperwork for both of us.
• And even more paperwork for the car.

So the day we made our first trip to that little spot of freedom, my expectations were sky high!  (Even though I expected the journey to be somewhat challenging.)

We got up early to avoid traffic, dressed for the occasion, and jumped in the car.

After long lines of traffic, lots of waiting, SIX checkpoints, and some fees, we arrived at our destination to find that our cell phones no longer had service and our printed maps were less than effective.

On the positive side we had traveled with friends to get there and we ate bacon for the first time in several months!

Then our friends went on to their own committment and we went in search of something special for our four-legged-furry baby who was waiting at home.  So we used our inadequate maps, drove in places with inadequate road signs, accidently discovered places that didn’t feel very safe, and eventually found our way back home.

By the time we arrived at home, we were asking ourselves…  “Was the bacon really worth it?”

The sense of refreshment we had hoped for was overpowered by tiredness, stress, a new understanding of how much we’ve taken freedom for granted our entire lives and a silent increasing pressure as our current reality really began to set in.  

The question that ran through my mind for days after that trip was, “Why?”  This country is so hard to get into, why is even harder to get out of??

…In spite of the pressure, we are committed to learning all we can while we are here and to turning this into an adventure!  So several weeks later we braved that journey once again, this time with much lower expectations and fully armed with:  A GPS, another passenger that served as our tour guide, a realistic understanding of how many checkpoints there were, what you needed to do at each one of them, how long that might take and plans to stay a little longer.

And somewhere in that trip I felt the pressure that I did not realize had been building…  Release.

Through all of that I am reminded that thankfulness, perseverance, and creativity are tools that help us regulate the pressure and stay in the game!  

And I’m thankful:

• For the opportunity to experience this new world, to taste a small fraction of what others live in all the time.
• That we have known a freedom, that is so free we never fully comprehended all of the benefits we had.
• For a husband that is gifted with process improvement and detail skills AND that we are here together!
• That we can find a spiritual oasis any time we need it.
• That we are close to a physical oasis – and it includes bacon!

 So tell me:  Have you ever felt the release of a pressure you did not know was there?  How do you regulate pressure?  

Image Credits:  iStock and Quotes & Thoughts via Kate Nasser and My Sage Advice

A series of events in our expat journey has convinced me that anyone that has grown up as an expat child has developed wisdom and skills that will help others navigate change.  So I asked a couple of friends to share their experiences.  (Special Thanks To:  Amy Murphy & Lynette Elrod Hudson for sharing their stories!)

After hearing their stories, 6 lessons stand out:

1.  Provide vision and stability in the midst of extreme change.

“When we moved to a new country, my dad would go ahead and scope things out and then come back with great stories of what he had found. Sometimes he would be gone a month or two as he started a new job and found a house and we finished that year in school, so when he got home we were just happy to go wherever it was to be together.”  Lynette

2.  Form relationships with people based on their character, not the color of their skin …Or the shape of their face!

“The first time I realized that people of different races looked different was in 3^rd grade.  (I’d been an expat child since I was two.)  I thought my classmate had a flat face and I asked, “Why?”  Amy

3.  Seek to experience love and SEE the realities of others in a new way.

“We had a maid I loved like my mother.  My sister was raised on her hip.  We spent lots of time in her room.  Somehow we realized the maids lived in shacks, and we would pass things to them through the fences.”  Amy

4.  Learn to expect and appreciate paradigm shifts.

“In my first year of college back in the U.S., my family was still overseas.  I did not know how to pump gas or open a bank account, or write a check or use an ATM.  But I had a fax machine to communicate with my family across the world and a laptop before most people in college had a computer!  (My roommate thought I was really strange!)”  Amy

5.  Develop a life-long skill of turning extreme change into an adventure!

“I LOVE foreign foods, I will try just about anything, I appreciate and am intrigued by different cultures and lifestyles (weddings, funerals, holiday traditions, family cultures, history)…”  Lynette

“I have amazing memories of watching mummies being excavated only to see the sun for the first time in hundreds maybe thousands of years, riding leather back turtles into the water when I was little, riding camels on full moon night beside the pyramids on Christmas Eve, digging for mummy beads in the dessert, picnics on the Nile, tracking wild elephants, sleeping in castles, hunting cayman in the dark with spotlights, butterfly trapping in the deep jungle, safaris in many countries, and of course life long friends I still maintain from Mt Kilimanjaro to the Alps.”  Lynette

“The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.“  Albert Einstein

6.  Pursue truth and beauty no matter where you are!

“Expat life forces you into change.  It helps you see that the world is bigger than what you see.  We choose this life for our children believing that they need to have tolerance for others, and hoping that this is one way to do better for the next generation.”  Amy ~ Former Expat Child & Current Expat Mom

~~~

What I love about their stories is the intention of their parents, their grit as a family and the heart of the children they are raising.  Sometimes they live in less than desirable locations.  (More about that coming soon!) However, they continuously find ways to create stability, to make the change fun, to take advantage of the opportunities, to problem solve and to grow.

As I think about the number of families, workplaces, communities and countries that are struggling to deal with overwhelming change…   I wonder could we do a better job of:

• Giving them a big enough vision and a strong enough foundation to help them seek the adventure in the midst of change?  
• Pouring courage into their hearts? 
• Helping them seek first to understand?  
• Filling them with great memories, and having them walk away a little wiser and a litter softer…?  

…What if we did?

Photo Credits:  Taylor Hibler, Andrea Hiltner Garcia & Suzie Kummins Poirier