How badly do you want to know the end of the story?

Have you ever been in the midst of reading a book and just had to look at the last few pages to see how it ends?

Have you ever been at the bookstore and flipped ahead in  the books you are considering, to decide which ending you would prefer to read?

Or do you consistently read the story as it is written:

• Bonding with a character because of the challenges they are facing?
• Cheering for them to come through it all, victoriously?
• Fully experiencing all of the emotions they are feeling?

How about with your own story?

• The water is rising in the midst of a storm – will the house flood?
• That amazing person just asked you out – will you have a future together?
• A loved one just passed away – how will you go on?
• The interview you just had, seemed to go so well – will you get the job?
• Layoffs are happening – If you lose your job, how will you provide?

Are you anxiously trying to look ahead trying see what the next chapter holds?

Wishing you could flip past all hard things?

Trying to make your ideal ending come true?

I ask because my story has me on the edge of something that my heart has been desiring for a very long time. As I anticipate the days ahead, I also find myself pondering the times my story has thrown me some of those unwanted plot twists. Seasons of gut wrenching experiences, drama, change or waiting…

In every case:

• God used those situations to help me become softer, stronger, and wiser.
• I’ve learned beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is faithful.

And when my heart’s desires have finally come, they have been so much sweeter.

I’m not just speaking for myself.  This is true for people that have had their homes flooded, lost spouses and children, and jobs.

If you are in the midst of waiting, unwanted change, or struggle: Be encouraged.

“ Great stories are filled with drama, twists, turns, up and downs.

“ Unwanted plot twists can help you become softer, stronger and wiser.

And as crazy as it may sound, you can experience more peace and ultimately more joy.

Below are 3 Tips for fully experiencing your story as it unfolds:

1. Be thankful even in the midst of unwanted plot twists. (Seriously.) Stop and list at least three things you are thankful for. Do this as often as you need to. Multiple times in an hour, several times a day or once a day. Doing this retrains your brain to stop focusing on everything that is hard and shines a bright light on everything you’ve been blessed with.
2. Make a list of what you are learning. And keep adding to that list long after the struggle ends. You’ll be amazed at the clarity that comes when you are through the struggle.
3. Share your story with others. What did you feel? How did you react? How did you get through it? What did you learn? How have you changed? Everyone struggles with something. Your story has the power to transform your future and the lives of others.

PLEASE SHARE:  What is your story teaching you?

In business, families, faith-based organizations and communities I’ve continuously witnessed the power of these words:

Together WE STAND. Divided WE FALL.

Prior to moving to Saudi Arabia, my focus on divisive current events was growing. …As was my determination to find ways to bring people together to find solutions.

So I began sharing this dream with others:

In Saudi, my neighbors were from more than 50 nations.   In living rooms and coffee shops we began to move from surface level conversations to in depth discussions. Which ultimately led to the creation of Conversation Safari’s.  Attendees courageously engaged in deep discussions with people from culturally and historically opposing perspectives. And left feeling accepted, listened to, intellectually stimulated, energized, and hopeful.

Since returning to America the divides in our nation are being emphasized so often that we rarely hear anything positive. As a result, I often hear people expressing their concern about the division and their lack of hope for our future.

If you are feeling a lack of hope, this post is to encourage you.

I do have hope because more and more people are turning difficult topics into productive discussions. Besides those women in Saudi, my friends and family here, and the groups I’ve been speaking to since my return – Below are a few recent examples of people that are making this a priority:

1.  Friends with polar opposite political views and what they did about it  
   If you can’t see this video in your RSS reader or email, then click here.
2. How a move from a red state to a blue state challenged comfort zones and perceptions
3. Activists on opposing sides – That made an uncommon choice and realized that what they have in common is greater than what separates them.  
   If you can’t see this video in your RSS reader or email, then click here.
4. A group that seeks to do something similar to a Conversation Safari over dinner.

Now it’s up to you.

1. You can fret and worry about where our world is headed
2. Or you can be the change you’d like to see

To learn more about how you can host a Bridge Building Retreat or a Conversation Safari contact Chery:

Please let me know what YOU decide to do!  

“ Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak, courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. —W. CHURCHILL

We’re in the midst of waiting. Months and months of waiting…

• In September – We knew we were moving back across the ocean to the land we call home
• In October – The move was stopped and from morning to night and from day to day, what we were doing and when we were doing it changed, as things changed within the company
• In early November – we were moving again and it looked impossible not to be home for Christmas
• Then week after week and weekend after weekend – through Thanksgiving, and Christmas, our Anniversary and New Years we would do what we could do and then wait – on the company, the movers, the government and Harley Davidson
• 11 days ago – all of our household things were loaded into a container for overseas shipment
• 7 days ago – our motorcycle was crated and taken to our container
• It’s almost mid-January and we’re still waiting – for paperwork to clear so we can leave

The emotional roller coaster has been intense:

• Sad to go – So many tearful goodbyes – not knowing if or when we will see many of our friends and neighbors again
• Sad to stay – Missing so much at home that we thought we would be a part of this year
• Frustrated with all the barriers – There is so much we don’t control
• Impatience, questions, anger, tears and numbness have all been a part of the process…

A neighbor recently commented that she doesn’t know how I’m still smiling. Another friend commented on my patience.

The reality I that most days I can smile because I do the 9 things I recommend below, but I’m also human and I have bad days too.

Christmas Eve is my favorite day of the year, and it’s been 4 years since I’ve been able to celebrate it in the way that I’d like to. (When I know we aren’t going home and set my expectations accordingly and I can navigate that day very well.)

This year I was so sure that we would be there, that I struggled to adjust those expectations as the date approached. When I woke up on Christmas Eve, I cried and dried my eyes and tried to focus on something else and the tears came again. …Over and over, for half the day, that process repeated itself. That’s not normal for me, and it wasn’t how I had imagined spending the day. But I got it all out and I am smiling again.

“ How you cope with a season of waiting is a choice – that impacts how you emerge from it.

Need help dealing with your waiting?

1. Be thankful: Intentionally look for blessings and thank God for them.
2. Pray: It’s ok if some of your prayers are confidently claiming scripture, while others are filled with gut wrenching questions, and others are peaceful and accepting.
3. Turn up the volume on your favorite tunes: And listen to beautiful melodies and lyrics filled with truth an inspiration.
4. Be authentic with your friends: Their understanding and support will help to carry you with new perspectives, advice, encouragement, prayers, distractions, laughter and if you’re as spoiled as we’ve been – maybe even meals!
5. Get some exercise and fresh air: Just getting out and walking changes the scenery and gets your blood pumping.
6. Look back and remember: Other big seasons of waiting and change that were really tough that caused you to emerge softer, and stronger and wiser.
7. Dream about the future: Who do you want to connect with, what do you want to do… What can you do now to prepare for that?
8. Keep others that are waiting in your thoughts, prayers and messages: Who do you know that is in a season of waiting? How can you support them?

So many of our friends and family are waiting for things that are bigger and harder than what we are dealing with.  

Friends all over Louisiana that had their homes flooded in August and are still waiting to get back home. …Many are staying with friends, some with family, some in FEMA trailers.

They’ve waited:

• On flood waters to recede
• On insurance companies for estimates
• On banks to clear insurance checks
• On construction crews to be available and to get started

While they’ve waited: They’ve lacked privacy, and lost personal freedoms as they’ve adjusted to life in the homes of others.

Other friends have waited for:

• Medical testing
• Then waited for test results
• Then waited for treatment plans

Some are now waiting for treatment to start while others are waiting for treatment plans to work.

And we are surrounded by people that live outside of their home countries and away from their spouses and children for years at a time to provide a better future for their families.

• They wait for vacations – Often waiting months and years past the promised date.
• When there is a family emergency back home they wait for approval to leave – and often don’t receive it. (So they often miss the births and weddings of their children, miss helping family after a natural disaster, miss visiting a loved one in a hospital, miss saying goodbye to and burying parents when they die.)

“  No matter what you are waiting for… You are not alone.

 An interview, a job offer, the adoption to be finalized, or something else…

9. Give yourself permission to have a bad day: Get it out and then get back in the game and repeat steps 1 – 8.

Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation. ― Viktor E. Frankl

What tips do you have for people that are in the midst of waiting?

Image credit:  Pixabay

On November 15th, twenty-eight women from a variety of races, nations and religions gathered together for a Conversation Safari.  The plan was to dive into divisive current events and the fears that drive our emotions, our behaviors and our results.

Our topic had been planned for months based on several private conversations:

• I’d had with a Muslim neighbor
• And several different conversations I’d had with ladies that will always have a better tan than I do

In each of those private conversations we shared fears, we felt each other’s pain, and considered new perspectives.

(The date of our event had been chosen because of some scheduling conflicts, not because of a master strategy.  But when November 9th rolled around and the election results from the U.S. hit the airwaves – fear in across the world and in the expat sandbox grew.  Our topic could not have been more perfectly timed.)

• One of the women I had met with during the summer shared what was happening at the University that her son attends in the U.S.
• Other neighbors were posting deep concern for their safety in the world
• While other friends in the U.S. were sharing deep concerns about racism and bigotry

The morning of the event, each lady that attended agreed to:

• Share what makes them feel angry and fearful – beyond the election
• Be courageous and open, even if they were uncomfortable
• Bring compassion, curiosity and a spirit of adventure – instead of a desire to win a debate

Each one shared their perspectives

and listened to others.

Some cried, and all laughed, loved, and learned.

After sharing what made each one angry and fearful…  I had been given permission to share the following story from one of those private conversations…

A brlliant, compassionate and beautiful African woman is in an environment where she is often treated as less because of the color of her skin.  One day a neighbor called her a Negro – to her face.  The pain that word caused, still shines in her eyes when she shares the details of that event.

Once the ladies in the room had a few minutes to process her pain, we compared that to another true story…

A white woman that is in her late 60’s was raised in a very rural part of the U.S.. It was so rural that she was 20 years old before she saw a person of color in real life.

Because of her environment and age, this woman used the word Negro as recently as two years ago, as a descriptive term.  (Much like people use the words Caucasian or Hispanic, tall or short – not understanding how much pain it can cause.)

-This white woman cares about her brothers and sisters, regardless of their skin color and wants to understand at a higher level.  But she is unsure how to connect.

Not long ago, she and her husband visited the Southern part of the U.S. and took a tour of slave history.  They were the only white people on the tour.  She was heartbroken by what she saw and disappointed that more white people weren’t there, and even more disappointed about how awkward and uncomfortable it was.  She didn’t know how to express her desire to learn, and the rest of the people on the tour were more than a little suspicious of her presence.

No matter which side of the story we relate to, how do we really know:

• When someone’s intent is malicious?
• If they don’t know what they don’t know?
• Or if they just aren’t sure how to express their compassion and desire to learn?

“ If you are seeking to understand, it’s really ok to say…“I care, I want to know more, I’m outside my comfort zone and I don’t know what to ask.”

Then we discussed a TED Talk about a Muslim woman who lived in the U.S on Sept 11, 2001.  All day long, she experienced great fear about being blamed and persecuted for something that others did.  Instead of her worst fears coming true, she received amazing care and support from her community.

And we compared her experience that day to:

• The experience of one of the Muslim ladies in the room – Who was living Australia far away from her home country of Pakistan for the first time.  Navigating a new culture on her own, far from her father and her husband.  She was treated badly that day – not because she did anything wrong, but because some people were fearing all Muslims, based on the actions of a few.
• My experience – Living in the 4^th largest city in the U.S and not knowing one Muslim. Not one.  The day the planes hit, I was on a business trip in a different state. So my focus was on the safety and security of our country and my loved ones, supporting the co-workers I was with, and getting home to my husband.  …And it never occurred to me to wonder what innocent Muslims were experiencing.  

  “ What would happen if we paused to hear each other’s stories and consider other perspectives?

After meeting with one of my Muslim neighbors this summer – she shared this video with me.

• It emphasizes the temptations we all face in the midst of divisive and terrifying issues
• And recommends an uncommon solution – that each one of us can act on immediately

So before our safari ended the entire group watched it.

As fear-filled news swirls around us, and the world trys to convince us that we have to choose a side… We can choose to:

• Stay in our comfort zones and continually dwell on our anger and fear
• Talk endlessly to people who are angry and fearful of the same things we are – which only increase the size of our monsters
• Sit in judgment of those who don’t side with us

OR

• Stop feeding the anger and fear in our thoughts and our conversations
• Leave our comfort zones and seek to understand those have different stories and perspectives
• Share what we are learning with others

One choice fuels despair, the other fuels hope.

“ What if…  We intentionally and strategically chose love over fear?

CLICK HERE to find out how you can participate in our launch of CONVERSATION Safaris in Greater Houston Nov 6, 2018

*An important mention:  In one of our Safari’s I was asked if it was ok to say “white people” to describe my race.  It was an instant bonding moment for the entire room as we recognized how challenging and uncomfortable it is to have these conversations.  Imagine asking someone about a physical or cognitive challenge, or how to properly describe someone’s race, nationality or religion…  There are very few words that all people agree on.  If we all understand that – it is easier to offer each other grace and keep learning!

Image Credits:  Ghadeer El-Nadoury

It has been said that if you’re not learning, you’re not growing, and if you’re not growing you’re dying.

I’ve written about Lana Simko before. At age 62 she and her husband were happily retired living in their hometown near their two children and four grandchildren.

And then her husband started receiving phone calls asking him to consider employment on the other side of the world in a culture that is nothing like their own.

She was so certain that would never happen that she would laugh and walk away each time he took a call. And then one day she realized that he was seriously considering this seemingly crazy move.

She loves her man so she agreed to go with him to see this place and although she wasn’t overly impressed in that visit, she trusts him and finally agreed to move there for just three months. (Surely the combination of culture shock and missing their beloved offspring would end this insanity pretty quickly…)

So after some cultural training that scared her much more than it helped, she landed on the other side of the world. The moment she stepped off the plane she immediately broke one of those cultural norms. Clueless about the consequences and fearing the worst, she backed against a wall and burst into tears. Emphasizing how much she wanted to go home.

The next morning she woke up in a hotel and her husband headed to work.  Her plan for the day was to hide under the covers and cry.  Another spouse interrupted that plan by dragging her out of the hotel, taking her around town, and introducing her to others – every single day until she was ready to navigate this new world on her own.

Within three months this formerly shy woman that had happily enjoyed life in her comfort zone was transformed. She began reaching out to strangers, crafting with neighbors, moving throughout the city as if she’d been here forever, giggling like a schoolgirl and reflecting joy to everyone around her.

Yes – she still missed her children and grandchildren so much that it caused tears.

But the transformation in her was so pronounced that that people started to admit that they had been pretty convinced she would not be able to make the adjustment and now they were in awe.

Three years have past since then. Yesterday her neighbors gathered to honor her life, her friendship, and the growth we’ve witnessed. Today the last of her boxes will be packed and within two weeks she will be headed back to her beloved children and grandchildren.

Although she is certain that she will cherish the time with them even more – she is equally as certain that she will never be the same quiet lady that left home.

Her friends on this side of the ocean believe that her light will always shine brighter and that her family will never be the same because of her example. And we can’t wait to hear more transformational stories about the volunteering that she plans to do when she returns home and the lives that she will impact.

Here’s the thing…  YOU don’t have to make an international move to learn and grow.

But YOU do need to make a conscious decision to do things that make you uncomfortable.

And you can’t compare “your things” to anyone else.  What seems terrifying to you, will be easy for someone else.

Do what is hard for YOU:

• Share an opportunity for improvement with your boss.
• Admit what you don’t know.
• Greet a stranger when you walk down the street.
• Take dance lessons because someone you love wants to dance with you.
• Take a vacation outside of your state or your country.
• Ask someone for help.
• Sit with someone you don’t know well at an event.
• Stand up for an important cause.
• Listen to someone that doesn’t agree with you.
• Tell someone you love them.
• Walk into something difficult and learn all you can.
• ____________________________________________ (What would you add to the list?)

Life begins at the end of YOUR comfort zone.  YOU decide.  Are YOU living or dying?

• …Like learning to drive, and turning the wheel to fast or hitting the brake too hard and then doing the complete opposite?

• He makes a plan, works his plan, dots i’s crosses, t’s, and always delivers before the deadline.
• If you have a question about a project, he’s researched it, and has a file full of information that can help you.

The challenge is that he is not an attention seeker and he doesn’t fight for the spotlight.

• His nature is to speak up when it seems appropriate, but if you don’t listen – you miss his wisdom, and he will react a bit like a turtle and pull his head inside his shell.
•  For years he quietly added significant value to the organization he worked in.
• But most of that value was hidden below the surface far deeper and wider than what could be seen at a glance.

So when a layoff eventually happened…

• The decision makers did not recognize the depth of his contributions and he was released.

• He began to realize how critical it was to speak up.

And just like learning to drive – he overcorrected.

• Sometimes with volume, sometimes with data, sometimes hammering so hard on an issue that it drove people away.

• He’s working to grow beyond his comfort zone.
• And he’s become more and more effective at it.

1. Don’t do it out of fear.
2. Don’t do it without explanation.

1. Hold tightly to the vision of what you are trying to achieve and how it will change your life.
2. Remind yourself of who you are and the value of what you bring.
3. Be open about what you are trying to learn.
4. Remember that over-correction is a normal part of learning and give yourself grace.
5. Don’t give up.

• When to be a candle and when to be a beacon
• Leading your new boss and your “old” one

Image credits: Ace Concierge

Have you ever been at the top of your game and:

• Graduated into adulthood to start your career?
• Transitioned from the military to the civilian world?
• Experienced a life-altering event that forced you to start over?
• Decided to leave what you’ve always done to pursue an uncommon path?

In the space between what you left and what you were pursuing… Did you struggle?

Did you feel your confidence tanking as you: Worked to learn and define your new role and become successful at it, while navigating a culture and politics that were foreign to you?

I’ve been there.

• Trying to figure out why things that used to seem so easy were suddenly so hard and questioning my abilities.

I’ve coached others through that place.

• Reminding them that learning a completely different role and a different culture while grieving how they defined themselves and how they connected with others – causes doubt.

A few months ago I watched Brene Brown interview Oprah. Guess what… Oprah’s been there too! When Brene asked Oprah to share her toughest fall Oprah responded,

Starting this network coming off the glory of 25 years of the Oprah Show.   I was thinking wow, I can’t pull it together, I can’t figure out what’s gonna work. Part of the shame and embarrassment was not knowing what I didn’t know. And coming from a place where I knew it like the back of my hand.  Doing that show for 25 years was as easy as breathing to me. That was a time that required a lot of courage.  Not just to keep going but what does this really mean…

 Did you catch it?

[Tweet “Even legends feel their confidence shake when they don’t know what they don’t know.”]

[Tweet “Even legends crave the comfort and security of knowing something like the back of their hand.”]

YOU ARE NORMAL if your confidence is shaking when you don’t know what you don’t know.

YOU ARE  NORMAL to crave the comfort and security of knowing something like the back of your hand.

Choosing to keep moving in that uncomfortable space grows and prepares you for greater success.  

So in the space between your comfort zone and your next reinvention:

1. When doubt whispers in your ear – choose faith.
2. When fear assails you – choose another perspective.
3. When loneliness seeps in – choose curiosity and engage with others.
4. When your dream seems too far away to be possible – focus on who you will help when you get there.

I really believe that we make up stories about other people’s fearlessness, but there’s not enough conversations about the falls, and the hurt and the climb back up and the shame.  -Brene Brown

Please share! What have you learned in the midst of a transition?  

Want more?

• Need help navigating a career transition – click here.
• Need help navigating layoffs – click here.

Image credit:  iStock

Earlier this week movers came to the home of our dear friends and packed everything they had to prepare for a move to another country.

• It’s a great career opportunity for him.
• It means more daily freedom for her.

But it’s still stressful.

• Anticipation, doubt and fear swirl together about the unknowns.
• And at the same time they process the emotions of an ending before the new beginning…

As 2015 comes to an end, you may be considering a new beginning, a fresh start, a change or a reinvention…

Hollis Thomases knows a thing or two about reinventing. After graduating college, she moved to Baltimore knowing no one and having no job. She had a 10-year career working for trade associations, small businesses and large corporations and left it all in 1998 to start her first company, a digital marketing & advertising firm. After successfully growing that company for 15 years into a multi-million dollar business she felt it was time to move on to her next incarnation. Her pursuit of her own reinvention led her to realize the need to help others on their journeys, too, and ReinventionWorks, was born with the goal of helping others with their career/life reinventions.

Hollis describes the reinvention process as interconnected phases that are brought on by deliberately choosing to change.

It looks like this:

• The Decision to Change
• Fortifying the Foundation to Change
• Visioning the “Next Future”
• Planning
• Execution
• Zig
• Zag
• Hop
• Repeat

The Decision. Because reinvention is deliberate, it has to begin with an intentional decision: I/We want to change. How and to what degree to change gets defined by each person or organization, but with intention must come purpose: why do we want to change? This purpose is crucial because the strength of belief in purpose will drive the rest of the process.

Fortifying the Foundation. Just because someone or something wants to change doesn’t mean it will happen. Change is hard – sometimes very hard – and the attempt to change can be thwarted by all kinds of toxic or self-limited thinking. The Foundational Phase of The Reinvention Continuum must occur early in order to conquer these obstacles; otherwise, the intention to reinvent will likely not succeed. In organizations, leadership must recognize and address these obstacles first or they should not expect new and different outcomes. For individuals, now might be the time to seek professional or peer guidance and support.

Visioning. When the Foundational work has gotten pretty far along or completed and the barriers cleared, Visioning can take place. Visioning harkens back to purpose: Where do we see ourselves reinventing towards and why. Leading visioning exercises should keep two things in mind: 1) Purpose 2) Intentional forward propulsion. Visioning activities that only serve to tread water have no place in The Reinvention Continuum.

Planning & Execution. Much like the development of business or marketing strategies, once you have direction, planning on how to get there and then executing on that plan comes more easily. That said, perhaps even more often than with business strategy, so too come zig-zags and hops.

Zig, Zag, Hop, Repeat. I like to describe the reinvention process as “intentional imperfection.” People should enter The Reinvention Continuum expecting a lot to not go as planned. And when things don’t go as planned, it leads to pivots, turns, tweaks, adjustments, backslides, leaps forward, and all other kinds of chaos. Leading through this chaos – and sustaining energy and momentum during it – can be one of the most challenging parts of reinvention. At the individual level, it feels as if just as much is at stake as if it were at the business level. In other words, at the business level, dollars and cents matter, but at the personal level, one’s essence matters. To lead through intentional imperfection, why not start imaging the chaos and work backwards?

17 Necessary Skills to Tackle Reinvention

If you are considering a reinvention, here’s a list of attributes and skills that will be required:

1. Self-Awareness
2. Honesty
3. Courage
4. Confidence
5. High Risk Tolerance
6. Adventurous
7. Adaptable
8. Committed
9. Resilient
10. Sense of Humor
11. Enthusiasm
12. Generous
13. Participatory
14. Problem-Solving
15. Open-Mindedness
16. Imagination
17. Organization

Reinvention is going on all around us every day. It’s inevitable. Get prepared now, and when you come to that fork the road, you can make the intentional decision to change on your own terms.

As I hugged my friends goodbye for the last time in this place, lyrics from a Michael W. Smith song rang through my mind,

Packing up the dreams God planted.

In the fertile soil of you.

I can’t believe the hopes He’s granted.

Means a chapter of your life is through.

 

---

If you are trying to decide if you should stay in our comfort zone or move – you will find value in this article.

If you are ready to pack the dreams that God planted in you,

and unbox them in a new place or a new way…

Hollis is gearing up for a big event in January to help you get started.

Check out her Mega Reinvention 2016!  

I published an article a month ago, about how our international move altered the path I thought I was on to my big dream. In that post I shared how much I trust in this altered path, even though it doesn’t make complete sense yet.

About the time I published that article I heard this quote, [Tweet ““Your perspective will become your prison or your passport.”~ Steven Furtick”]

Two weeks ago my husband and I took a vacation to Africa. On the plane I read Nelson Mandela’s book The Long Walk to Freedom, deeply considering how a wide variety of good and bad experiences changed his perspective, caused him to seek truth, ponder deeply, and shaped the man he would become. At several places in his story I thought of different struggles that others have faced that have taken them to their knees and challenged their perspectives and then changed their futures. In the midst of those reflections I wrote these words…

Would you say yes, if you knew:

• That great risk would lead to a greater reward?
• That a job loss would lead to a new career in a new industry?
• That a heartbreaking betrayal would make you softer and stronger and wiser?
• That learning to forgive would help you experience uncommon peace? 
• That years of unwanted change and confusion would lead to growth? 
• That an uncommon sacrifice would create the change you’ve dreamed of?
• That an ending would create a better beginning?

In the days that followed, those words would come to have an even greater meaning.  …To help you understand why, I have to take you back in time…

When I was 10, my Mom read chapters from the book, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe to our family as we drove across the U.S. for a family vacation.Within a few chapters, I was completely hooked on the story, and grabbed the book from her and read ahead, and then devoured the rest of the series The Chronicles of Narnia.

In the series Aslan is a Lion King that is wise, beautiful, kind, sometimes playful and sometimes incredibly firm. My favorite parts of the books are the interactions between a little girl named Lucy and Aslan.  Moments that were often playful and would end with her hands buried in his mane, followed by him sharing simple but powerful truths with her.

As a visual learner, those books painted clear pictures of great leadership and strong relationships. And planted in my heart, a forever love of lions and a deep desire to one day bury my own hands in the mane of a lion.

Back in the present in Africa… We went on our first game drive at 4:30 PM. An hour and a half later, we had not seen many animals. I knew that we had another hour to go, and five more game drives scheduled, but I was already praying, “Please let us see a lion before we leave here.”

A few minutes later, we drove around a corner where another jeep had discovered the most beautiful male lion lying under a tree. As our jeep approached we could see him through the trees and he roared several times. Have you ever hear a lion roar? It is an incredibly powerful, awe-inspiring sound.

Apparently roaring takes lots of energy, so The King decided to rest; we got the most amazing pictures and my heart overflowed.

Several days later in a different location we went on a lion encounter and were quickly told that we could walk with two female lions and pet their thighs, but nothing more. (Not exactly what I’d been dreaming of, but I was still thrilled.)

Towards the end of our walk, the two females went to another group and for some mysterious reason two more lions joined us, one male and one female. (Yes – I was bubbling over with excitement!)

And then our guide asked if anyone wanted to sit with the male lion and put their hands in his mane. And a dream of many years came true!

When my finger massaged their way into his mane, I looked at my husband, trying to process the emotions I was feeling and attempted to choke back some unexpected tears, “I can’t believe this is really happening.” He reassured me that it was, and then the tears flowed.

From the first night on our safari to the day that my hands were buried in the mane of that beautiful lion and in every hour I’ve spent reflecting on our journey… I’ve been reminded that walking by faith continually provides perspectives that really are a passport to an uncommon life.

The moment we said yes to life outside of our comfort zone I’ve had to choose my perspective.

• About the desert we would live in.
• About the people that I’d never met but were frequently stereo-typed in the news.
• About the cloak of invisibility I would have to wear.
• About the things we can’t do.
• About the dream that I still have…

No my lion is not my biggest dream. He is still a symbol of what my dream means to me and a reminder of all that I’ve gained from and unlikely, “Yes.”

Think of any challenge you are currently facing… What if a new perspective is your passport to a better future?

Would you say yes, to…

• Seasons of extreme pain?
• Unwanted change?
• Life outside of your comfort zone?
• Or an altered path?

If you knew that something bigger than you could imagine was in store for you?

After we returned home, I wrote this post and shared pictures with friends on Facebook.  However, before I published the post, someone I do not know contacted me in a private message over Facebook, stating that she was a friend of a friend and she wanted me to know that the Lion Encounter I just described was a horrible progam.  I read her message on the fly and when I went back to read it for detail it was gone.  I was also contacted on Twitter, but when I responded and asked questions, I received no reply.

Although I am still feeling incredibily blessed by our experience I took the time to review what we witnessed and to do some more research.

• These lions were not drugged.
• A beautiful relationship between the staff and the lions was clearly evident.
• The staff oozed passion as they shared the vision for the program.

We trust the tour company we used, and were delighted to notice that some of the other optional excursions we were given on our trip were to places that were recommended by animal rights websites.

And as I’ve done a bit more research I discovered this article about the program from another tourist that was also seeking truth.

Once upon a time, I hired a fun-loving woman with great recommendations, strong experience, and impressive tenure. (True Story!)

Not long after she joined our team she began to struggle.   Things that she thought would be easy to learn were harder than normal, which chewed away at her confidence, which made it even harder to learn, which ate away even more confidence. Sometimes when we spoke privately, tears flowed.

At one point she shared that in her last role she was so confident that she would put on a pink feather boa. And when she wore it – everyone knew a special announcement was going to be made. Here she wanted to be her authentic self, but was afraid…

Each time we spoke, I would remind her:

1. She was grieving. (She had just left a role that she knew backwards and forwards and upside down in a place where she felt understood, appreciated and loved and moved and started a new job.)
2. She really was smart, capable, fun and wanted!
3. She was focusing more on her mistakes and emotions than on what she knew she could bring and that was causing her to struggle harder.

Then I would pull out Ken Blanchard’s Situational Leadership Model and remind her that SHE WAS NORMAL!!!

• …And then we’d talk about what I could do, what the team could do and what she could do to help her work through the change so that she would feel confident again.

A few months later she bounced into my office to let me know that her brother-in-law had just started a new job and she had shared her lessons and Blanchard’s chart with him!!! (Goosebumps!)

Sharing that experience with her caused me to do a deeper dive into the emotions and needs that each of us have as we experience any type of change in our lives.

I’ve looked backward at my own life, and recognized:

• Distinct patterns of emotions when we relocated to any new city.
• Times that were so challenging they led to confusion, tanked confidence, decreased productivity, and sapped joy.
• Times that I handled change well and swam through it and times I sank.

Paid more attention to others and noticed their struggles much more quickly…

As I coached recent university graduates that hit the same hurdles in their first career jobs.   And then as I met with their hiring managers, to help them learn to support their new hires at a higher level…  I’ve had the honor of watching men in infamously macho industries recognize their own struggles with change and actually admit them to each other. (Chills!)

And I’ve become much more aware of how change is impacting me in the moment.

This weekend I spent time reviewing the articles I wrote as we prepared for our expat journey and during the first 6 months here and was reminded about how my own thoughts, fears, delays, unknowns and choices fueled my thoughts and emotions. If you are in the midst of any change – at work or personally this swirl of constant thoughts and feelings may be familiar:

• Confusion
• Grief

Interrupted by a conscious choice to turn this into a fun learning opportunity

• Awe and Thankfulness
• Confusion and Frustration
• Doubt and Fear

Interrupted by conscious choice to admit my fear and adjust my thinking

• Unproductive (I don’t do limbo well!)
• Anticipation
• Thankfulness

Tempted to be frustrated, but chose laughter instead

• Thankfulness
• Thoughtfulness
• Unsure
• Pondering
• Questioning

If they are familiar – then read on! I penned these words during that time and they apply to anyone in the midst of change, yes – even the ones you thought you wanted:

[Tweet “Fear and doubt – yes that’s normal!”]

[Tweet “Emotional roller coaster – yes that’s normal too!”]

[Tweet “Having fun one day and questioning where you fit the next – still normal!”]

I am in a new place, filled with wonderful people and lots of new opportunities.

I know from past experience that it is wise to meet many people and have lots of experiences as quickly as possible.

I know that even though I’m busy I have not found my “groove” yet.

I know that the human in me wants to grab the reigns and be a part of something as quickly as possible.

I know that I need to stay in explorer mode for a little longer.

[Tweet “I don’t know yet – what I will learn here. …But I choose to learn.”]

I don’t know yet how I will make a difference here. …Time will reveal where I should plug in, and I will make a difference!

[Tweet “I am here for a reason!”]

Want more about navigating change for yourself or others?

These two are FAVORITES written by others and must be purchased:

• Self-Leadership and The One Minute Manager (This one includes the Situational Leadership Chart I mentioned in the post!)
• The Change Cycle (Includes another incredible visual to help you navigate change.)

These are free from me:

• Click here to read from my change learning laboratory – AKA our expat journey!
• Click here to subscribe to this blog and receive a free download about How to Instigate Change.

Image from The Valley of The Kings Egypt where life from the Nile meets the death of the desert!