When was the last time you were in a conversation, and heard someone use the word “ALL” to describe the beliefs or behavior of an entire group of humans?

How many articles have filled your screens in the last week that emphasized all the reasons you should mistrust, disregard, or fear an entire group of people?

I’m deeply troubled about the volume of educated, intelligent, caring people that are having these conversations and sharing these articles and this is why…

Throughout history the word “ALL has been leveraged to:

1. Box and dehumanize entire groups of people
2. Fuel fear, judgment and anger
3. Shut down critical thinking
4. Increase distrust
5. Intensify division

“ Wise people don’t let others manipulate their thinking, behavior or results.

Today it is often being leveraged to convince you that “ALL“:

• ___  Executives are unwilling to receive feedback
• ___  Frontline employees are unwilling and unable to solve problems
• ___  Police Officers are unethical
• ___  Government offices are inefficient
• ___  Politicians are crooked
• ___  Home-schooled children are anti-social
• ___  Poor people are lazy
• ___  Wealthy people are selfish and greedy
• ___  Brown men are bad fathers
• ___  White men are racist
• ___  Saudi men are unwilling to support the dreams of their wives and daughters
• ___  Christians are hateful
• ___  Muslims are terrorists
• ___  Conservatives are racist
• ___  Liberals want to destroy your nation
• __________________________(Fill in the blank.)

What a list of word grenades! 

So why do we rage against being thrown into one of those boxes and labeled, and tossed aside?

And then judge ourselves by our intentions while failing to consider the intentions of others?

“ Sensible people listen to individuals and seek to understand.

Instead of just reading history, what if we LEARNED from it?

Propaganda has been used to impact thinking in every corner of the world, through all times.  Chains, paint, nakedness, skin color, smaller eyes, yellow stars, tattoos, head scarves, jewelry, the color of someone’s passport – have all been leveraged to convince people  that “everyone who looks human is not human.”

You don’t have to blindly accept everything and you don’t have to be manipulated by the “Box of ALL”.

Alarms should go off in every cell of your body when you hear that word in a conversation and see that word in print.

When those alarms are triggered:  Listen, research, and think.  Then challenge the narrative and help others see people instead of boxes.

“ Highly effective people tear off labels, kick open boxes, and bring people together.

Conversation Safari Workshops are designed to:

Help people challenge the narrative and while helping organizations engage people and grow.

Contact Chery to learn more 832-557-5327

Every human on the planet will be tempted by pride.

Behind that little word is a fire that has the power to destroy potential, character, callings, and lives.

Below are three critical things to remember, when pride woos you:

1. Your calling can become your idol if you let it

You were born with unique gifts and a big dream to serve others.

On your way to your big dream you may receive lots of positive feedback about what you are capable of, and your passion for your cause.

There is both sweetness and a danger in that praise:

• The sweetness comes with the affirmation that you were born for this.
• The danger comes when the positive press distracts you.

Distraction comes like a sudden craving. It is swift and subtle– and has the power to shift the focus of even the most humble and sincere.

In a flash, the hunger for more praise can become the driving reason you act. And as you feed that craving it consumes you. Making you less and less qualified and able to serve.

Ultimately replacing the people and the cause you care about with yourself.

“ When pride comes, then comes disgrace. —PROVERBS

2. Heed the wisdom of truth speakers

As you work to make your dream a reality you will meet people who believe in you, your potential and your vision.

Some of those people will also be able to see gaps in your skills, your choices or your character. (I know that’s uncomfortable. But you’re human and gaps are a part of the gig, so grit up and keep reading.)

If someone has the courage to speak to you about those gaps – consider:

• Have they taken the time to share this with you, because they believe you are worth investing in?
• What are you risking if you don’t carefully consider what they are sharing?
• What will you gain if you accept their coaching?

“ The one that hears correction, possesses wisdom. —PROVERBS

3. Protect yourself with a “strategic sandwich”

Imagine that you play professional football for a living.

• If you won game, after game, after game and everyone was praising your uncommon ability.  Would you be tempted, even a little bit, to believe the press you are getting?
• If you played a critical game terribly and received tons of negative press   Would you struggle, to recover?

When Tim Tebow was playing for the NFL, he protected his character from the dangers of pride with a “strategic sandwich” that would help him stay focused on the mission and on others when he was most vulnerable to the temptation of pride.

Tim started a foundation for critically ill children and would spend time before and after each game with children that had life threatening illnesses and their families.    

• Before he walked on the field to play a game he was reminded how precious life was, what a blessing it is to have the love and support of a family, and how much he had to be thankful for.
• When each game ended, no matter how he played, no matter how the team played, he was reminded again of all that he had been given.
• His time with those children and their families, helped him stay humble by keeping his focus on others instead of on himself.
• And each time he stepped onto the field, he would kneel to give thanks to the one that gave it all to him.

If you live your life as if everything is about you… You will be left with just that.  Just you.  -Toby Mac

How do you protect yourself from the woo of pride?

We’ve all been there…

When our boss hires a friend:

• Then the friend leverages that relationship to charm their way out of responsibility and accountability.

When laws are created for the good of all:

• But certain groups are consistently exempt from the law.

When an executive relocates:

• And thinks company policy does not apply to him.

Inconsistency is unfair and confusing.  It creates stress, erodes trust, increases frustration, wears people out, decreases ownership and limits potential.

On the flip side of that, fairness:

1. Helps people feel heard, seen and considered
2. Tears down walls of self-protection
3. Encourages conversations
4. Increases understanding
5. Builds trust
6. Fuels collaboration
7. Unleashes energy and engagement
8. Creates positive change
9. Builds momentum
10. Maximizes results

A leader I’ve admired for many years received this feedback when he decided to run for a public office, “I have known him a long time and have done business with him on several occasions. I have to say he always treated me fair. I did not always get my way, but he always, treated me fair. …That’s just the way he is and how he does business, fair & square.”

“ That kind of fairness: Positively impacts people, problem solving and growth.

Yet so many leaders fail to cultivate fairness in their organizations.

Patrick Lencioni points out one very important reason why titled leaders often avoid simple but effective solutions:

..Simple solutions usually require discipline and hard work over time, while the sophisticated ones seem like shiny silver bullets, capable of making a problem go away in one innovative shot.

“ Fairness is hard work.

It requires focus, effort, consistency, and humility.

But the impact is worth the effort.

Have you ever made a strategic effort to be consistent, fair and explainable?

If not – why not make it your goal for the New Year?  (2018 will be very different from 2017 if you do!)

Got a Leadership Question – Contact Chery

On Monday morning women from 9 different nations connected in an online Conversation Safari to explore the question… Are you being manipulated?

During that discussion, we talked about different kinds of manipulation.

1. Unintentional manipulation – like a guilt trip to get someone to do what you want him or her to do.
2. Intentional manipulation – when someone intentionally distorts facts for personal gain.
3. Intentional AND strategic manipulation – when someone strategically distorts facts, and creates disruption to accomplish a specific goal.

Most people on the call believe that intentional AND strategic manipulation happens more often than we realize.

A few days later I stumbled into a real life example of their point.

I was attending a public meeting and just before the meeting closed…

A woman took a seat in front of an elected official that has been manipulating facts and people.

As she spoke into the microphone, her statement shined a bright light on important details:

• First she quoted policy and reminded everyone in the room how disagreements and concerns were supposed to be handled.
• Then she listed specific dates and read exact quotes when this man had publically posted statements that were out of line with that policy.
• After reading each one of his quotes, she shared actual data from meeting minutes, and from emails that countered his false statements.

Her data made a huge impact:

• Filling in missing information that altered his stories completely.
• Supporting co-workers that he’d attacked.
• Effectively defending her own work.

She made each point with confidence, often looking up and making eye contact with the man that is used to intimidating others into silence.

As she spoke, his red face deepened in color.

His only verbal responses were to request a copy of what she read, and to ask if the meeting was over.

He made no attempt to explain or defend.  And provided no indication of shame, remorse or correction.

As women come together to stand against Weinstein’s abuse of power.  This one woman, was alone at the microphone.

Courageously standing against the behavior of  a titled leader that has been scheming to destroy truth, teamwork and individuals for his own gain.  

I don’t know what the future holds for that man, the people that work with him or the people that he was elected to serve.

But I do know this:  

“ Each of us has a responsibility to be truth detectives.

“ Check ALL the facts, and think critically.

“ Grit up and STAND for TRUTH!

-Regardless of the group you typically align yourself with.  

• (Loyalty to political party, religion, social network, co-workers, friends and even family –  should be second to TRUTH.)

Please share: Have you ever stood alone against a schemer?

If there is a schemer in your workplace, below are 9 tips to help you stand against and rise above their behavior.

(True Story!)

Imagine being a new Office Manager for a small company. The first day on the job your new boss, a.k.a the owner, meets you at the office.  He stays there for the morning and then leaves.

The other employees work afternoons and weekends. So you’re in a new role, in a new industry. You’re alone at the office, answering phones, and trying to create a weekend work schedule for people you have never met, with less than 4 hours of “training.”

Logic says that you should not be surprised when that first busy weekend goes south. But your new boss loses it!

He’s in his mid forties, tall, long legged and thin. Now his string bean legs are stomping around the office, while he is hollering, blaming and yes – he even throws a pen across the room in frustration. (Not at you – thankfully!) But wow!  Just wow!

If his behavior weren’t so immature and shocking – you would have doubled over in laughter at how crazy he looked!

In the heat of the moment you could decide that you have no desire to work for this Boss Baby.  And you could walk out the door, put in your notice, begin updating your resume…

Or you could make some uncommon choices:

1. Grit up and speak truth with grace:  Speaking softly but firmly, remind him that the jobs that are going south right now won’t be saved by yelling and blaming. And start exploring options to save those jobs.
2. Take the HEAT: Call disappointed and angry customers. (Before they call you.) Listen carefully and let them know that you Hear them, and Empathize with them. Apologize and explain that you will Take action, and explain what you will do to prevent this issue in the future. (Clients saved.)
3. Unleash common sense and develop the organization: Meet with the new boss and the employees to get a clearer understanding of the logistical challenges, and the strengths and weaknesses of each team member.
4. Train, build, monitor and continuously improve: Train employees and create processes to make their jobs easier and more efficient. Put procedures in place that improve communication with customers and monitor ongoing opportunities for improvement.

The rest of the story…

This Office Manager began to understand that the boss really wanted to be the vision guy that came up with ideas, made investments and then stepped aside to let others run the company.

The “toddler” began to grow: By staying calm, speaking truth and creating strong supportive processes for the employees and the customers – the Office Manager created an environment that helped the inner child in her boss grow up.

Employees and customers were happier and less stressed: As they consistently received clear direction and stronger support.

The Office Manager reaped what she had sown: Each year, as the company grew, her value increased. And she was frequently surprised with raises and additional benefits.

Your turn:

• How do you handle temper tantrums at the office?
• How has a titled leader’s poor behavior impacted employees, customers and results?
• What happened to that titled leader, their employees and their customers?

In business, families, faith-based organizations and communities I’ve continuously witnessed the power of these words:

Together WE STAND. Divided WE FALL.

Prior to moving to Saudi Arabia, my focus on divisive current events was growing. …As was my determination to find ways to bring people together to find solutions.

So I began sharing this dream with others:

In Saudi, my neighbors were from more than 50 nations.   In living rooms and coffee shops we began to move from surface level conversations to in depth discussions. Which ultimately led to the creation of Conversation Safari’s.  Attendees courageously engaged in deep discussions with people from culturally and historically opposing perspectives. And left feeling accepted, listened to, intellectually stimulated, energized, and hopeful.

Since returning to America the divides in our nation are being emphasized so often that we rarely hear anything positive. As a result, I often hear people expressing their concern about the division and their lack of hope for our future.

If you are feeling a lack of hope, this post is to encourage you.

I do have hope because more and more people are turning difficult topics into productive discussions. Besides those women in Saudi, my friends and family here, and the groups I’ve been speaking to since my return – Below are a few recent examples of people that are making this a priority:

1.  Friends with polar opposite political views and what they did about it  
   If you can’t see this video in your RSS reader or email, then click here.
2. How a move from a red state to a blue state challenged comfort zones and perceptions
3. Activists on opposing sides – That made an uncommon choice and realized that what they have in common is greater than what separates them.  
   If you can’t see this video in your RSS reader or email, then click here.
4. A group that seeks to do something similar to a Conversation Safari over dinner.

Now it’s up to you.

1. You can fret and worry about where our world is headed
2. Or you can be the change you’d like to see

To learn more about how you can host a Bridge Building Retreat or a Conversation Safari contact Chery:

Please let me know what YOU decide to do!  

“ Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak, courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. —W. CHURCHILL

Viktor Frankl survived a concentration camp and said this…

Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.

Post Charlottesville conflict continues to fill the airwaves and cyberspace, encouraging chaos and division.

…So how have you been responding?  Are you:

1. Denying that this conflict is impacting real lives, workplaces and communities?
2. Pushing your perspective on others?
3. Sitting in silence and worrying about it?
4. Studying the issues, and then carrying your candle into the darkness, determined to be a part of the solution?

IF YOU SEEK TO BE A PART OF THE SOLUTION:

The process below will help you fully leverage your freedom, while strategically using both your mind and your heart.

Seek FIRST to UNDERSTAND:

1. Your perception and my perception don’t have to be the same to be real to each one of us.
2. You’re NOT listening to someone if you respond by saying,  “It wasn’t me.” – Or – “Look – they are just as bad.”

“ A wise man will hear and increase learning. -Proverbs

CHOOSE COMPASSION:

Sit with those you don’t understand or agree with and listen. Use your ears and your heart, honoring the experiences that are driving their emotions.

1. How old are they?
2. Where have they lived and traveled?
3. How have they personally experienced hate? – Or – How have they been taught to hate?
4. How many years have they been experiencing hate? – Or – Been focused on hateful propaganda?
5. How long does it take you to forgive intentional hate? – Or – Consider a new perspective?

Now let everything they shared soak in.

Did you hear anything you had not considered before? How has your knowledge, compassion and understanding increased?

THINK CRITICALLY:

Deeply consider current events and historical facts.

1. As you review current publications – Are you reading and considering all sides to a story? Are you mindful of specific examples throughout history – where evil people manipulated violence and death to spin the narrative and control the outcome?  Do you identify false news – especially when it is saying what you want to believe or are you being manipulated?
2. If you are struggling with hate speech – Have you ever considered why we have freedom of speech?  How do you use your freedom of speech? Do you know what it is like to live where speaking what you believe is restricted? Have you studied what has happened in countries where this freedom has been taken away? Can you separate hateful speech from hateful acts?
3. When preserving history is important to you – Will you review how history has been preserved in your community? Is the whole story being told about the imperfect humans from different races that shaped our country? …Or are there better ways to do this?

NOW CHOOSE YOUR RESPONSE:

Don’t be surprised if you learn something that softens your heart, or alters your thinking.  Slightly or significantly.  You are growing.

Your brain is  wired to learn. So whatever you think stirs your emotions. Those emotions then direct your behavior and ultimately create your results.

THEN LOOK FOR LIGHT AND SHARE IT:    

Now focus on discovering and sharing how people are communicating, working together and finding solutions –  by doing so, you are sharing vision, offering hope, and generating more light.

One candle illuminates the darkness.

One person can make a difference.

Be that one.

I have used this process with many divisive issues.  Each time has led to a different result.

• Sometimes I started on an uninformed fence, and ended up with an informed opinion.
• Other times, I started in one place, and ended in another.
• And in other situations, my heart has softened greatly toward those that hold a different opinion, even though my mind still holds many of my original views.

If you decide to continue reading below, I will share where this issue has taken me.  

My objective is NOT for you to agree with me.  Instead I want to: 

• Emphasize the importance of leveraging our uncommon freedom – to listen, think, speak, collaborate, learn and problem solve.
• Spotlight the wisdom that comes from strategically balancing the use of both your heart and your brain when these issues arise.

 I’d love to hear from you as you work this process: Where did you start? What are you learning? How are you sharing those learning’s with others?

When New Orleans considered removing Confederate statues:

• I thought of the way the Nazis controlled what people learned – so that they could manipulate what people thought and how they would respond.  As a result, my immediate reaction was that we can’t learn from erased and sanitized history – therefore it would be dangerous and unwise to remove statues.

MY HISTORICAL FILTERS:

I was raised in a state that is 90% white and although I was not surrounded by diversity, I was taught to love my neighbor as myself.

As a child I raged about slavery and racism – but viewed it all as historical.  Almost as if someone had waved a magic wand and suddenly racism disappeared.  (Not at all logical, but what my heart wanted to believe.)

SEEKING FIRST TO UNDERSTAND and CHOOSING COMPASSION:

As an adult I moved to a southern state, and new friends helped me understand that when they were children it was illegal for them to:

1. Use a toilet or to drink from a fountain for white people
2. Eat in particular restaurants and limited seating in other restaurants
3. Attend school with white children
4. Marry a white person
5. Vote

LEARNING: My friends have scars from years of their lives – living what I have only imagined.

A few years later I moved to another southern state and discovered that one of my black friends was afraid to go to a neighboring city in the daylight because the KKK is still terrorizing people there. A few weeks later, a white friend shared that when he moved to the area from another state that he had invited black friends to his home and the KKK warned him not to do it again.

LEARNING: Some of my friends are still living – what I have only imagined.  

Most recently, I spent 4 years living overseas. During that time I lived near and worked with people from more than 50 nations in our world. And deeply treasured our conversations, sharing food, traditions, and learning about each other.

Although most of my experiences were filled with great love and are deeply cherished, I consistently witnessed people from one nation bullying and manipulating people from multiple nations, races and religions.  In each of those moments, I was faced with the choice to believe that every single person from that nation is evil, or to look for the good. I chose the latter. At first I was only able to count 5% of the people I knew from that nation as compassionate, caring and trustworthy. With focused effort that percentage increased to 25%.

LEARNING: If the majority the interactions I had with people of a particular race, nationality or uniform throughout my entire lifetime were negative – Could I still make the hard choice to continue to look for the ones that aren’t like that? Or would I be even a little bit tempted to make the easy assumption that all of them are bad?

THINKING CRITICALLY:

As I explored all sides of this issue I was greatly influenced by a speech given by Mitch Landrieu, the Mayor of New Orleans about why he was removing the statues. It is important to note that I didn’t expect Mitch’s speech to impact my thinking.  I thought he would offer some lame excuse for removing the statues. But his logic resonated. This is some of what he said…

New Orleans is truly a city of many nations, a melting pot, a bubbling caldron of many cultures. There is no other place quite like it in the world that so eloquently exemplifies the uniquely American motto: e pluribus unum — out of many we are one. But there are also other truths about our city that we must confront. New Orleans was America’s largest slave market: a port where hundreds of thousands of souls were bought, sold and shipped up the Mississippi River to lives of forced labor of misery of rape, of torture. America was the place where nearly 4000 of our fellow citizens were lynched, 540 alone in Louisiana; where the courts enshrined ‘separate but equal’; where Freedom riders coming to New Orleans were beaten to a bloody pulp. So when people say to me that the monuments in question are history, well what I just described is real history as well, and it is the searing truth.

And it immediately begs the questions, why there are no slave ship monuments, no prominent markers on public land to remember the lynchings or the slave blocks; nothing to remember this long chapter of our lives; the pain, the sacrifice, the shame… all of it happening on the soil of New Orleans. So for those self-appointed defenders of history and the monuments, they are eerily silent on what amounts to this historical malfeasance, a lie by omission. There is a difference between remembrance of history and reverence of it.

For America and New Orleans, it has been a long, winding road, marked by great tragedy and great triumph. But we cannot be afraid of our truth. As President George W. Bush said at the dedication ceremony for the National Museum of African American History & Culture, “A great nation does not hide its history. It faces its flaws and corrects them.

…Consider these monuments from the perspective of an African American mother or father trying to explain to their fifth grade daughter who Robert E. Lee is and why he stands atop of our beautiful city. Can you do it? Can you look into that young girl’s eyes and convince her that Robert E. Lee is there to encourage her? Do you think she will feel inspired and hopeful by that story? Do these monuments help her see a future with limitless potential? Have you ever thought that if her potential is limited, yours and mine are too? We all know the answer to these very simple questions. When you look into this child’s eyes is the moment when the searing truth comes into focus for us.”

As I pondered his comments, I thought about Holocaust Museums that include the star that every Jew had to wear and Nazi uniforms, flags, and propaganda that helped Hitler promote his agenda. None of it is sanitized, but it is placed in context so we can all learn from it without honoring evil.

Further reading uncovered additional perspectives that have provided more food for thought:

1. Thomas Tappan Thompson the designer of the Confederate flag wrote several editorials about his design,  “As a people, we are fighting to maintain the Heaven-ordained supremacy of the white man over the inferior or colored race; a white flag would thus be emblematical of our cause.”
2. General Robert E. Lee actively discouraged memorializing the confederacy, “I think it wiser,” the retired military leader wrote about a proposed Gettysburg memorial in 1869, “…not to keep open the sores of war but to follow the examples of those nations who endeavored to obliterate the marks of civil strife, to commit to oblivion the feelings engendered.”
3. In Germany there are no statues to honor Nazi leaders and it is illegal to fly the Nazi flag unless it is for historical or film purposes.

CHOOSING MY RESPONSE:

People matter: Red, yellow, black or white. ALL are created by God and precious in His sight. ALL are my neighbors. And ALL make our world richer. Racism and hate don’t belong our multi-cultural country or in our world. So I will stand against it will every cell in my body.

The whole truth matters: There is a way to tell the story of strategic minds, and people who fought causes that they believed were honorable – while emphasizing that it is a failed caused, and that the oppression of others is evil. That story gets richer and more valuable when we are equally devoted to sharing the stories of those that were oppressed, those that fought for freedom, and how all cultures and races impacted our nation.

We can do better.

“ Solutions are found when we seek the whole truth and love.

Image Credits:  Fotolia, iStock

I recently spoke to a group of people and shared information that challenged their thinking and their behavior. Afterwards several people approached with questions and comments.

One woman had received the message and wanted help in taking the next step.

Another woman expressed her gratitude for the message.  She admitted that she had always struggled in one particular area – but until today, she hadn’t realized it. Now she was actively processing the new information and beginning to visualize what a change in her behavior would look like.

Then a man stepped forward that was actively rejecting the message. Repeatedly he emphasized that others needed to change. Not him!  Just them!

He was unwilling and therefore unable to see that:

• His thinking is stuck in a cycle of blaming others.
• By not being willing to consider other perspectives, he’s not solving any problems.  He’s simply waiting for others to solve problems.
• Change will always begin inside the only person he will ever control – himself.
• Being willing to understand people and issues at a higher level will grow his knowledge, problem solving ability, and influence.

“ Those that seek to LEAD at a higher level, learn first to THINK at a higher level.

How willing are you – to learn how to think differently?

Do you…

• Admit that you can’t possibly know it all?
• Consider that the information you have – might be incomplete or incorrect?
• Listen intently to the knowledge and experiences of others?
• Consider the perspectives of those you are tempted to dismiss and discredit?
• Think logically?
• Analyze historical data?
• Adjust your decisions and your behavior, as more complete information is uncovered?

When you do:

• Trust increases
• Loyalty rises
• Energy flows
• Creativity soars
• Growth multiplies

The people you lead will do what they see you do – And their thinking and actions will impact your results.

How’s that going for you?

If you want help learning how to listen, think and lead at higher level:

1. Check out this article.
2. Contact Chery to learn more about workshop and coaching options.

Have you ever pondered the reasons or benefits of free speech?

• In nations?
• Or workplaces?

Obviously speaking freely is not allowed in many nations or workplaces.

• Technology:  Several people brought cordless phones with them from their home countries.  When those phones could not be monitored, police officers drove directly to their homes and removed them.
• Expression of Personal Thoughts/Opinions: One man was arrested because he took a picture of a government official’s parked car and posted it on Social Media – pointing out how inconsiderate it was. Others were arrested for speaking out against government policies.
• Fundraising: I was advised to take a post off of social media because I was encouraging people to donate to support effort flood victims in Baton Rouge.   I was warned that others had been arrested for soliciting donations.  (Even though all of my links went to vetted agencies in the U.S. – I took the post down.)
• Religion:  We were constantly aware that we risked our freedom and our lives if we shared our faith with others.

Now we’re in a country where freedom of speech is legal and protected.

But most of what we’re hearing and witnessing isn’t emphasizing how that uncommon freedom can be leveraged to build.

• Instead it is being used by some to MANIPULATE OUTCOMES and by others to STOP CONVERSATIONS.

Manipulation:  Several “trusted” news sources continue to create and distribute false news.  

This is one tiny example:  Over the weekend there were several reports and strong opinions about Melania Trump not wearing a headscarf in Saudi Arabia.   A repeat of what happened when Michelle Obama did not wear one in Saudi a few years ago.  The truth is that women from other countries, even Muslim women, are not required to wear headscarves in that country.

False reports are quickly picked up by others and spread by many.  Deepening divides and distracting everyone from real issues AND any hopeful progress.

TIP:  Watch those headlines!  If they sound inflammatory they are.  It’s about ratings not truth.  Unfortunately division rates.  Even when an article sounds believable and is from a seemingly credible source it is still wise to check it.

Freedom doesn’t exist if you don’t use it. -Margaret Heffernan

Do you have any friends that are “hiding in the closet” afraid to share what they believe because you are so vocal about what you believe?  Have you ever considered that:   

“ Free speech is significantly more powerful AFTER we’ve listened AND learned.

Business leaders: Who speaks freely with you?

A CEO recently released a close advisor that was with him for nearly a decade, because he finally recognized that he had been listening to a manipulator and a conversation stopper.  The sad part is that many people tried to tell the CEO what was happening, but they quickly learned that their attempts only put them at risk.  So they stopped trying.

Imagine how your leadership, team, organization and credibility would be impacted if you had allowed yourself to be sealed off by conversation stoppers and manipulators for nearly 10 years.  (That thought should make your stomach churn.)

TIPS:  

• Empower people at all levels to speak truth to power.
• Keep your eyes and ears open.
• Make sure that people at all levels have access to you.
• Put processes in place to evaluate what you hear while protecting the messenger.

And never forget that every single person on your team knows something that you don’t.  If you aren’t encouraging them to share what they know, you are limiting your leadership potential and the future of your organization.

As a titled leader YOU decide if your team:

• Believes they can speak the truth to you and each other
• Points fingers or solve problems
• Stands together or falls divided

“ Have you ever overlooked someone’s honesty because of their skills?

Once upon a time I worked for a charismatic leader with a serious set of skills. Someone I learned from constantly and deeply admired …

• Until I caught him in a lie.
• And then a second one.
• A third one.
• A fourth one.
• And finally a fifth one.

“ Follow the smoke… Before it becomes a fire! #CharacterMatters

The crazy part was – I wasn’t hunting for lies. I literally kept tripping into them – all five in a very short amount of time after years of working together.

When I confronted for the last time. He said, “I don’t know how you keep finding these things out.” No denial. No excuses. No apology.

A short time later – I “fired him” by turning in my notice.

Titled leaders and employees can all be tempted to overlook honesty because of skill.

As a titled leader:

Have you ever hired someone – after it became clear that they lied in their interview?

• A seemingly tiny lie – like where they lived
• A bigger lie – like how long they’d held a job
• A bold lie – like having more education or experience than they do

How did that decision impact:

• Your business?
• Your customers?
• Your employees?
• You?

Would you do it again?

One really bad hire: Has created distrust, destroyed teams, chased customers away, killed profits – and eventually brought down the hiring managers that overlooked those lies.

Have you ever discovered that someone lied to you on their resume or application after you hired them?

• Do they still work for you?

Have you ever found out that someone falsified a report at work?

• What did you do?
• What message did you send to your other employees about the importance of integrity?

I’ve heard hiring managers justify skills over character, sales managers defend profit over truth and HR managers declare that they don’t legislate morality.

On the flip side of that, is the stand that Financial Guru Dave Ramsey has taken with his employees. If any of them cheat on their spouse they are terminated. He believes if someone will cheat on the person that is supposed to be the most important person in their lives – they will cheat on anything.  And that lack of character will ultimately impact other employees, the workplace and his customers.

As a prospective employee:

Have you ever overlooked the character of the company because you had too much invested already?

• Have you ever discovered that the company that you just accepted a position with – is lying to you?
• What did you do?

This post describes a situation one of my expat neighbors faced two days prior to moving to Saudi Arabia.

As an employee:

Have you ever learned alarming things about the character of the company you just started working for?

• What did you do?

Have you ever allowed your character to be manipulated by a bully?

• Has your hiring manager ever demanded that you do something – and won’t put that demand in writing?
• Did you stand up to them – in spite of their anger?

People have lost everything from vacations to their jobs because they didn’t stand.  Choosing to stand may also result in no job, but it doesn’t violate your conscience or tarnish your character.

Looking for a speaker or a facilitator for your next event?  

Chery helps people and organizations accomplish their mission by facilitating truth-seeking, listening, dialogue, collaboration and growth:

1. People work through divisive issues
2. Students and professionals develop critical life and leadership skills
3. Followers of Jesus find Biblical responses to the news and division in our world

Chery, Today was a hit! You were a delight and commanded the attention of all. We’ll be a better company. The feedback has been fantastic! Thank you for sharing your time with us.

–Teresa Knox, Founder and Former CEO – Community Care College, Clary Sage College, OK Technical College

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