On November 15th, twenty-eight women from a variety of races, nations and religions gathered together for a Conversation Safari.  The plan was to dive into divisive current events and the fears that drive our emotions, our behaviors and our results.

Our topic had been planned for months based on several private conversations:

• I’d had with a Muslim neighbor
• And several different conversations I’d had with ladies that will always have a better tan than I do

In each of those private conversations we shared fears, we felt each other’s pain, and considered new perspectives.

(The date of our event had been chosen because of some scheduling conflicts, not because of a master strategy.  But when November 9th rolled around and the election results from the U.S. hit the airwaves – fear in across the world and in the expat sandbox grew.  Our topic could not have been more perfectly timed.)

• One of the women I had met with during the summer shared what was happening at the University that her son attends in the U.S.
• Other neighbors were posting deep concern for their safety in the world
• While other friends in the U.S. were sharing deep concerns about racism and bigotry

The morning of the event, each lady that attended agreed to:

• Share what makes them feel angry and fearful – beyond the election
• Be courageous and open, even if they were uncomfortable
• Bring compassion, curiosity and a spirit of adventure – instead of a desire to win a debate

Each one shared their perspectives

and listened to others.

Some cried, and all laughed, loved, and learned.

After sharing what made each one angry and fearful…  I had been given permission to share the following story from one of those private conversations…

A brlliant, compassionate and beautiful African woman is in an environment where she is often treated as less because of the color of her skin.  One day a neighbor called her a Negro – to her face.  The pain that word caused, still shines in her eyes when she shares the details of that event.

Once the ladies in the room had a few minutes to process her pain, we compared that to another true story…

A white woman that is in her late 60’s was raised in a very rural part of the U.S.. It was so rural that she was 20 years old before she saw a person of color in real life.

Because of her environment and age, this woman used the word Negro as recently as two years ago, as a descriptive term.  (Much like people use the words Caucasian or Hispanic, tall or short – not understanding how much pain it can cause.)

-This white woman cares about her brothers and sisters, regardless of their skin color and wants to understand at a higher level.  But she is unsure how to connect.

Not long ago, she and her husband visited the Southern part of the U.S. and took a tour of slave history.  They were the only white people on the tour.  She was heartbroken by what she saw and disappointed that more white people weren’t there, and even more disappointed about how awkward and uncomfortable it was.  She didn’t know how to express her desire to learn, and the rest of the people on the tour were more than a little suspicious of her presence.

No matter which side of the story we relate to, how do we really know:

• When someone’s intent is malicious?
• If they don’t know what they don’t know?
• Or if they just aren’t sure how to express their compassion and desire to learn?

“ If you are seeking to understand, it’s really ok to say…“I care, I want to know more, I’m outside my comfort zone and I don’t know what to ask.”

Then we discussed a TED Talk about a Muslim woman who lived in the U.S on Sept 11, 2001.  All day long, she experienced great fear about being blamed and persecuted for something that others did.  Instead of her worst fears coming true, she received amazing care and support from her community.

And we compared her experience that day to:

• The experience of one of the Muslim ladies in the room – Who was living Australia far away from her home country of Pakistan for the first time.  Navigating a new culture on her own, far from her father and her husband.  She was treated badly that day – not because she did anything wrong, but because some people were fearing all Muslims, based on the actions of a few.
• My experience – Living in the 4^th largest city in the U.S and not knowing one Muslim. Not one.  The day the planes hit, I was on a business trip in a different state. So my focus was on the safety and security of our country and my loved ones, supporting the co-workers I was with, and getting home to my husband.  …And it never occurred to me to wonder what innocent Muslims were experiencing.  

  “ What would happen if we paused to hear each other’s stories and consider other perspectives?

After meeting with one of my Muslim neighbors this summer – she shared this video with me.

• It emphasizes the temptations we all face in the midst of divisive and terrifying issues
• And recommends an uncommon solution – that each one of us can act on immediately

So before our safari ended the entire group watched it.

As fear-filled news swirls around us, and the world trys to convince us that we have to choose a side… We can choose to:

• Stay in our comfort zones and continually dwell on our anger and fear
• Talk endlessly to people who are angry and fearful of the same things we are – which only increase the size of our monsters
• Sit in judgment of those who don’t side with us

OR

• Stop feeding the anger and fear in our thoughts and our conversations
• Leave our comfort zones and seek to understand those have different stories and perspectives
• Share what we are learning with others

One choice fuels despair, the other fuels hope.

“ What if…  We intentionally and strategically chose love over fear?

CLICK HERE to find out how you can participate in our launch of CONVERSATION Safaris in Greater Houston Nov 6, 2018

*An important mention:  In one of our Safari’s I was asked if it was ok to say “white people” to describe my race.  It was an instant bonding moment for the entire room as we recognized how challenging and uncomfortable it is to have these conversations.  Imagine asking someone about a physical or cognitive challenge, or how to properly describe someone’s race, nationality or religion…  There are very few words that all people agree on.  If we all understand that – it is easier to offer each other grace and keep learning!

Image Credits:  Ghadeer El-Nadoury

Imagine learning that a very obstinate peer is going to become your new boss. Yes – the opinionated one that is like a dog with a bone and just won’t drop a subject, and almost always opposes your point of view.

To say you are concerned is an understatement! That overwhelming dread you are feeling is fueled by RAW FEAR.

Two years after you survive that transition, you look back and realize:

1. Your boss allowed you to express opposing ideas without fear: Yes – you disagreed a lot, both passionately and emphatically, but never disrespectfully. In spite of holding wildly opposing views– you were always allowed to speak your truth even if it was the opposite of what your boss was thinking. And he of course, always shared his opinions.

“ A fool has no delight in understanding, But in expressing his own heart. —PROVERBS

2. Even though you didn’t always agree – he had your back: In the time that you worked for him you faced two huge issues. One would have impacted your personal life in a major way, and the other was impacting your professional life. In both cases you needed to be heard, and you needed someone at a higher level to stand with you. And he rose to the occasion without hesitation, without fear, without wavering. He not only got your back, he was instrumental in making the necessary change happen.

3. He made wiser decisions – because you weren’t a “yes” man. Instead of telling him what you thought he wanted to hear you gave your honest opinion and backed it up with lots of data.

“ The best ideas emerge when very different perspectives meet. —FRANS JOHANSSON

4. Your strengths made him look good: Knowing that he heard you, respected you and had your back – motivated you to willingly leverage your greatest strengths to support him at a higher level – often reminding him about deadlines and details that he was not on top of.

5. You were a great team. As you played to each other’s strengths, your entire team became more effective and more productive.

Focusing on strengths is the surest way to greater job satisfaction, team performance and organizational excellence. Marcus Buckingham

Please share:  Have you ever been filled with dread when you learned who your new boss would be?  …What happened?  

Have you got a list of values that you hold so dearly, that they actually define who you are?

• I do too.

And I used to really struggle with those that didn’t share those values.

As a child, I would passionately argue my convictions and not listen to those that did not share my opinions.  (Because they were simply wrong!)

As a young professional, I thought it was horribly rude for people to roll their eyes in disagreement – but the shaking of my head as others spoke – screamed how wrong they were. (And how unwilling I was to listen.)

Hi! My name is Chery, and I am a recovering opinionista! (…Emphasis on recovering.) Somewhere along the way, I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror, and I didn’t like what I saw.

So I began to listen more and talk less. (Not because I didn’t have opinions, but because I didn’t know how to share them and really listen.)

Along the way I heard personal stories from people who had opposing views about some of the values that I hold most dear. And I began to really consider what it was like to walk in their shoes and even wonder if I’d experienced what they had, if I would hold those same views.

In most cases, my convictions did not change, but my understanding, compassion and creativity increased:

• So when the issues would come up again I was no longer focused shoving my opinions down their throat, or winning the debate.
• Instead, I became more focused on listening, learning, and finding solutions that included and honored the needs of others while still allowing me to be true to my values.

Every one comes from a different life experience and has witnessed, researched, or considered things you haven’t.  

One of the divisive issues that I have closely followed over the past few years is about police officers in America and the people they agree to protect and serve.

If you’ve followed that issue as well you have witnessed the emotional debates about the importance of their work, the challenges they face, the sacrifices they make and the corruption that eats at all of their credibility when it exists and when it is perceived.

This summer I watched the 10-minute, TED talk below, by Police Officer Chip Huth and was in awe. The tipping point was NOT when they realized that what they were doing wasn’t working, it came when they learned to see people instead of seeing problems. That lesson and their results will exceed your wildest expectations.

After viewing the video, I purchased the book titled The Anatomy of Peace, that was written by The Arbinger Institute – the group that trained Chip and his team. And then devoured the book.

This is one of the quotes from that book…

We end up gathering with allies – actual, perceived, or potential – as a way of feeling justified in our accusing views of others.  As a result of this fact, conflicts try to spread.  So what begins as a conflict between two people spreads to a conflict between many as each person enlists others to his or her side.  Everyone begins acting in ways that invite more of the very problem from the other side that each is complaining about. 

If the video and the quote resonate with you, please get your hands on the book, and begin to think about how these skills could be leveraged to help your family, workplace, community, nation or our world.

[Tweet “Unity is not sameness, it is oneness of purpose. Priscilla Shirer”]

Over the next month I will share additional articles about how this kind of thinking and behavior is being leveraged in different places and what people are learning.

PLEASE SHARE:   What have you learned from those that don’t share your values?  

Check out part II in this series here:  Benefits of learning from those that think differently.

Want more on this topic?  Check out the posts below.

• The 7 Habits of Highly Depolarizing People

Image credit:  Ace Concierge

Have you ever struggled to figure out how to leverage a strength that is coming across as a weakness?

If you’ve ever watched popcorn pop, you’ll understand one of mine.

One little kernel heats up, flies into the air and explodes into light fluffy happiness. POP!

Then a couple more kernels join the fun! POP! POP!

Then a few more! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!

Soon the party is in full swing, as the noise, chaos, and joy increase rapidly! POP! Pop! POP! Pop! POP! POP!!! POP!!!!

That’s me and…

For many years I sat in meetings:

• Excited by the challenge of problem solving.
• Fueled by the opportunity to be creative and to collaborate.

And frustrated because I could not clearly articulate what was happening inside my brain.

Each time I’d start to talk about the kernel that just opened up, another one would fly by, and then another and another.

I am pretty sure that I looked like a cartoon character with my eyes rolling around in my head trying to focus on the first kernel while another part of my brain not only noticed the new kernel, it recognized the synergy that was possible between them.

…All while more and more kernels began to fly by and explode with excitement!

So now, not only were my eyes rolling around in my head, my tongue was getting all twisted up trying to explain to the people in front of me that my brain was having a party they could benefit from – if I could get the words out!

It was only when I learned to give myself permission to write those thoughts down in the midst of a meeting that I began to find a way to unleash the strength that had always been there.  

• Almost as soon those kernels  flow out of my fingers and appear in front of my eyes, I am able to turn a zillion seemingly unrelated thoughts into bite-sized popcorn balls that others can understand and get excited about.

And in that moment one of my weaknesses becomes an even more significant strength.

Figuring out how to leverage that gift took time.

I learned to recognize and embrace that my need to see and touch things before I can articulate them clearly, is not weird!  It’s my natural learning style and it is appropriate in even the most conservative boardrooms.

The more I embrace my authentic self, the more I unleash the gift, and the more joy and confidence I have.

Today when I tell that story – people usually laugh at the comedy of it all, and then relate the lesson to a struggle in their own lives or to someone they know.

• Have you ever struggled to unleash a strength that is anxiously waiting to be leveraged?
• Have you ever mined for a strength inside one of your employees or family members?

If you are interested in learning more check out these resources:

(Both were transformational for me as an emerging leader.)

• About Strength Based Leadership
• About Your Own Strengths

Image Credits:  istock

Have you ever had someone that works for you ask you for a meeting? …Try to share a concern with you? …Or passionately try to share an idea?

How do you react when that happens?

 Have you ever considered that they are bringing you a gift?

• The person that is coming has chosen to take a risk and invest in you and in the organization.
• No matter what their title is – they have knowledge and experiences that you don’t have.
• No matter what their role is – they see things in your organization that you don’t see.

~ Thank them for their courage.

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. ~Winston Churchill

They may not know how to present to you in the style that you are most comfortable.

• They may not know your DiSC profile, your learning style, or use the same business terms that you use.
• They may be so nervous that the words get twisted up when they speak to you.
• Know that underneath their passion, there is also knowledge.

~ Dig deeper. Listen closer. Seek to understand.

Please note:  When I encourage people to lead up – I encourage them to learn your DiSC, your learning style and your business language. (Are you leading by example and doing the same for them?)

They may not be skilled at presenting what is so clear in their minds.

• They may only state the problem – even though they can visualize possible solutions.

~ Ask questions that help them think and articulate instead of a hitting them with a fire hose.

To receive their gift – You need to be humble and curious. (Not defensive.)

• If you’ve never served in their position – it means admitting what you don’t know.

~ Ask clarifying questions, have them to draw on a whiteboard, or give you a tour…

Know this:

• If you choose not to meet with them.
• If you blow off their courage.
• If you don’t listen to the message underneath the delivery.
• And if you let your pride get in the way.

You not only throw away the gift, you risk damaging your leadership and the growth of your organization.

• Minimum damage – If they feel like you don’t value their time and effort they may never try again.
• Moderate damage – They no longer believe you are worth investing in.
• Escalating damage – They commiserate with others that have experienced the same thing from you. And negativity spreads.
• Crushing damage – Your organization experiences a crisis, and they have the answers that could have grown your organization, but now it is too late.

What gifts have you been offered lately? Have you opened them? …Or sent them back unopened?

Image credits:  iStock

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[Tweet “Have you ever been distracted by a squirrel? “]

Several years ago I attended a live auction to raise funds for a charity.  One of the items on the auction was unique piece of jewelry that mot of us ladies were imagining as our own before the auction started.

When the bidding started I sat up and paid more attention, wondering who would walk away with that piece.

Like with most auctions, there were several people willing to make opening bids, but the number of active participants quickly narrowed.

Soon there were just two men, each seated by their beautiful wives, on the opposite sides of the room in a bidding contest.

As the bidding grew more intense, I became fascinated with the body language of both men and their wives.

• Couple A: The wife appeared to be encouraging her husband to keep bidding and obviously wanted her man to put some heart into getting that item for her.
• Couple B:  The wife was looking more and more uncomfortable with each bid.

As the price climbed, Husband A looked like he was struggling to stay “in the game,” and Husband B was so focused on winning he was like a dog with a bone.

Both men were so absorbed in their own thoughts that they had forgotten who they were trying to purchase the gift for.

Eventually Husband A stopped bidding.  And Husband B triumphed.

• Wife A looked really disappointed.
• Wife B looked really embarrassed.

And neither man noticed.

Although both men started bidding for their wives, both had lost their focus.  One appeared to be more focused on honoring his wallet while the other one was more focused on honoring his own ego.

Leadership can be just like that.

We can start out with good intentions deeply desiring to serve God, our families, our employees and/or our cause…

But it does not take much to become so distracted by our challenges, or our dreams of success that our focus changes from others to ourselves.

[Tweet “Have you ever lost your leadership focus? “]

I ‘m not pointing fingers, because I’ve done it…  more than once. 

I have become so consumed by a challenge I was trying to figure out that I didn’t listen intently when my husband, sisters, parents, friends or team members shared a story.

• So instead of communicating my love for them, I was communicating that my challenge was more important they were.

I have become so distracted by successes that I started to believe all the positive press and thought I deserved it.

• And when pride moves in, humility moves out.  …Making it impossible to serve the people or the cause with my whole heart.

Both situations erode trust with those you love and are called to serve; and make you less effective.

Have you ever made those mistakes?

What did you learn?

What do you do today to protect your leadership from those distractions now?

If this post reminds you of yourself, and you’re wondering what to do…  Check out this link.

Image Credit:  iStock

Last week  I shared a post with my friends – including some of my expat neighbors, about the people from Iran that were arrested after they recorded their own “Happy” YouTube Video.

I shared it because I’ve been really caught up in the news in the past few weeks:

• News of mass abductions.
• News of a death sentence for a woman who married outside of her absent father’s faith, that will be executed once her baby is weened.
• News of others that have been arrested, beaten and jailed because of a stand they have taken.

I shared it because the longer I live as an expat in a land that operates in many of the same ways as Iran, the more I sense a silent pressure building between our little trips outside of this country.

I shared it because my heart hurt when I heard the story of young people trying to do something fun to celebrate the beauty of their country – only to come face to face with some of the reasons their land is often stereotyped.

I shared it because freedom is a core value of mine.  And a cause my family members have given years of their lives to.  (A cause they have been thanked for profusely, by those who have benefitted from their service.

Bottom line…  I shared it from my own perspective. 

My neighbor read it from her own heart and her own perspective. 

Each one of us brought our personal history and values and began commenting.   Before long we were engaged in a rich dialog about what freedom means.  (A discussion that has caused me to think deeply about  my core values, how I would rank them, when they are helpful  and should be acted on, and when they are disrespectful to others.)

Our social media conversation soon sparked the interest of others and expanded.

When the public discussion ended my neighbors and friends on the other side of the world had breathed life into a dream I shared in a SmartBlog post over a year ago.

A dream I imagine everytime I see people and organizations and countries engaged in divisive conflicts.

Think for a minute about a hot topic that is dividing people you love, an organization you support, or a community you live in.   

As soon as you’ve got it, imagine what would happen if…

• We would sit down at a table surrounded by diverse people and really listen?
• We allowed others to share their stories and convictions unapologetically and with passion?
• We left those conversations and examined our own hearts and motives?
• We dived into world history to learn from the past?
• We came back to the table to share what we’ve learned, deeply desiring to better understand?
• We would sit at that table and intentionally look fear (and some squiggly things) in the face and begin to turn each one of those rocks over?

Can you imagine what kind of creativity and energy we would unleash?

Or how many problems we could solve?

Or how many people we could bring together?

Those women just deepened my conviction that this dream is possible!

I invite you to share the dream with me…  And be The Change, You Want To See!  

Image credit:  iStock

Would it help you get through the struggle if you knew that it was necessary to unleash your greatest strength?

There is a pattern throughout history that fills me with so much hope that it almost makes me wish for a big struggle…

Below are three examples.

ONE: I’ve been studying the life of a dreamer…

A boy with natural leadership skills.

A teen that knew he was born to do something of great significance for others.

But his ego was bigger than both his wisdom and his compassion.

Because he was hard to tolerate, he was betrayed by family and became a victim of human trafficking.

He spent years in slavery. …Grieving the loss of freedom, friendship, family and those dreams.

In time:

• His big ego was replaced by humility.
• He became wiser and more compassionate.

And in spite of his captivity, his leadership, and his refined character, were evident to everyone who met him.

Through a strange series of events, a day came when this prisoner was asked to consult with a CEO about an issue that the professional consultants said they could not figure out.

When he met the CEO, he exuded a strange mix of humility and confidence.

He discerned the issue and courageously shared a mix of good news and bad news.

And then offered wise advice.

In a moment he was freed from bondage and promoted to COO.

His advice ultimately saved the country he was in, saved the family that had betrayed him, and turned the dream he had as a teenager into a reality.

 TWO: Nelson Mandela

• Spent 27 years in prison for believing in a dream. (Years spent probably grieving the same losses of freedom, friendship, family and dreams much like the man in the story above.)
• A man who was given a lot of time alone – not by choice.
• A man who leveraged that painful season to learn.
• When he was released his gift had been developed.
• The prisoner became a President!

Study the lives of the great people who have made an impact on the world, and you will find that in virtually every case, they spent a considerable amount of time alone thinking. John Maxwell

THREE: Dave Ramsey

• A man that was gifted uncommon financial sense.
• A man that experienced extraordinary success at a young age -and probably had a big head to go with his success!
• A man that lost it all and suffered humiliation, fear, grief and marriage struggles.
• And then, in a newly humbled state, those hard-earned lessons and his significant gift collided and he began teaching others a deeper wisdom that was a combination of both his gift and his struggle.
• Today he lives a life of purpose, teaching people a simple process to reduce their stress, give them financial freedom, help them provide for their families and their communities at a higher level, all while providing a great living for his family and employees.

If you are in the midst of a great struggle… What are you learning that is developing your natural strengths?

Don’t give up dreamer… It is the struggle that makes you stronger, softer, wiser and prepares you for your calling.

[Tweet “Lean into the struggle and learn all you can. Your time is coming!”]

When lessons from your greatest struggle collide with and begin to grow your greatest strength… Your purpose is discovered and unleashed Lives are changed And your cells dance!

Have you ever considered how much courage it takes to create a family or an organization where people are encouraged to speak and to live their truth?

For the first time ever, I’ve been pondering the wisdom and the courage of the founders of our country when they decided that EVERYONE should be allowed to speak THEIR truth.

Can you imagine creating a country where:

•  Laws are not mandated by the titled ruler of the land but decided by a group of elected officials?
• You are allowed to speak your truth about anything?  …Even if it is against the government?
• You have the right to practice ANY religion you want to?

It sounds chaotic and a little insane – right?

Seriously!  …How do you get people to believe in your truth if they are given choices and allowed to use their brains, and follow their hearts?

What kind of crazy people would create an organization or country like that?

• Wise leaders that had lived under oppression long enough, that they had no desire to oppress anyone else.
• Confident leaders that believe in their truth so much that they believe it will be self-evident, even if everyone is allowed to speak their own truth.
• Innovative leaders that know that when people with diverse backgrounds and experiences come together growth happens!

Think about the people you know that simply can’t listen to anyone else’s truth:  It might be the bully boss, the parent or spouse or teenager that thinks everything has to be their way, it might be the media, the politician, the church leader, the CEO or the leader of the country, or me, or you…

[Tweet “If we are convinced we are speaking the truth, why are we so afraid to listen to someone else’s truth? @GianaConsulting”]

Below are five reasons that WE fear other people’s truth:

1. Our self-esteem is lacking and WE have an immense need to be right all of the time.
2. WE haven’t done enough studying on our own to learn how to articulate our truth so it’s easier to plug our ears about someone else’s truth than to engage.
3. WE know that the truth WE claim is really a lie and WE are afraid of the light.
4. WE are lazy and know that accepting another truth will cause us more work.
5. WE simply want to control others.

So – How do you know if YOU are not a part of that WE?

It’s simple:  When was the last time you encouraged someone else to speak their truth to you – even if it is the opposite of your truth?

…If you’ve done it what did you learn?

• Did you gain understanding about why someone else believes what they believe?
• Did you begin to see them as people instead of a threat?
• Did the conversation give you a reason to do some extra research?
• Did the conversation change your mind or your behavior?
• Did you earn the right to share your truth too?

When you disagree with someone — don’t dismiss them. Dialogue with them. Exiling them, firing them, dismissing them doesn’t change them — or you.  Ann Voskamp

If you find that you have been a part of that “WE” check out the list below from John Maxwell.  It is full of reasons to consider changing your behavior…

Insecure Leaders share several common traits:

1. They don’t provide security for others.
2. They take more than they give.
3. They continually limit their best people.
4. They continually limit their organization’s success.
5. They spend more energy trying to keep their job than doing their job.

Will you choose to be a courageous leader this year and encourage others to speak their truth?

Additional posts that will enhance this topic:

• What’s driving you:  Fear or Wisdom?
• How to end “the blame game” – A dream for change.
• What if the solution your organizaiton is seeking, begins by taking the air out of your tires?

• Conversations with new mothers that are in the midst of raising little children and have no time for themselves.
• Conversations with stay at home mothers that feel like they are frequently treated as if they are less intelligent, less creative, or have less to contribute to our world because they don’t have a full-time job outside of the home.
• Conversations with mothers in blended families, as they work to be peacemakers that are consistent, fair and explainable in all they do.
• Conversations with mothers that are a guiding light when their families go through trememdous change.
• Conversations with mothers that haverecently lost a child.
• Conversations with mothers that are raising children with cognitive challenges, health issues, mental health challenges…

As I think about the mothers and grandmothers I admire, these traits float to the top:

• Humility:  Ability to laugh at themselves.  Willing to tell stories about their own mistakes and heartaches to help those they love.  Admit when they are wrong.  Willing to do  not so glamorous work, and risk never receiving a word of gratitude in return.
• Commitment:  Practice tough love.  Practice amazing grace.  Practice forgiveness.  And never, never, never give up on their children.
• Priorities: Actively involved in the lives of their children.  Never misses a special occasion even if miles divide them from loved ones.  Clears tables of breakable decorations and replaces them with stuffed animals so grandchildren can explore freely.  Clears schedules at the drop of a hat to care for grandchildren.
• Strategic, Organized, Effective: Strategic in the types of experiences they want to give their children and dedicated to running their homes with so much efficiency and effectiveness that our nation should take lessons from them.

As I pondered the vision, commitment and sacrifices of mothers I reached out to friends and asked them to share their thoughts about mothers…

Drew is married to Kim and consistently posts loving comments about his wife on social media.  This is what Drew had to say about mothers, “They are devoted & dedicated to tirelessly serving their family. They demonstrate compassion and unconditional love for their children. They would gladly lay down their life for their kids. “No”, or “I can’t” does not exist in their vocabulary.”

Alli is a senior in high school and will graduate this week.  As her family prepares to honor her accomplishments, she had this to say about her mom Jennifer, “Something I was always amazed with was while she was a youth leader and Sunday school teacher how she was able to get down on our level and have fun but still be a leader and teach us about faith at the same time. When she was focusing on ministering to girls she won the girls over in our class surprisingly fast just by being an adult who showed that she truly cared about their well being and their faith.”

Erin is the mother of Evan and Ella.  I consistently admire her strategy, her creativity and her love for her children.  Last summer she instituted The Peaceful Project in their home to teach the children the importance of caring for and collaborating with each other.  This is what Erin had to say…

“I think one of the most important jobs as a mother is to be engaged enough to notice strengths. It’s NOT about US and our “glory days” re-lived through our kids. We need to be aware of how God made them, and we need to nurture their strengths and help them to follow their dreams.

I also think we can learn SO much from listening to our kids. I know mine keep me grounded and totally authentic. They won’t accept anything else!! And, their hearts are so pure at their ages. I always gain from listening to their perspectives and from allowing them to challenge me.

Parents also have to provide guidance and allow for failure. We need to give our kids enough perspective and helpful guidance, but allow them to do the work and experience the lessons that come with less-than-perfection.

More than anything, parenting -like leadership – is all about the relationships and positive impact. I refer back to my very favorite leadership quote, which SO applies…

Leadership is not magnetic personality – that can just as well be a glib tongue.
It is not “making friends and influencing people” – that is flattery.
Leadership is lifting a person’s vision to higher sights,
the raising of a person’s performance to a higher standard,
the building of a personality beyond its normal limitations.  ~ Peter F. Drucker”

Duane is marred to Elizabeth.  After years of trying to have children of their own they adopted Ayana.  Duane’s comments honor both his mother and Elizabeth.  (So much of what he shared about them shines a light on the strengths and dedication of my own mother Laurel.)    

“Apart from being a fantastic nurturer, the area where my mom stood out as a leader was in her ability to raise a family on a very tight budget. My Dad’s starting pay at the university was low as he worked on his advanced degrees, so my mom had to get creative. She picked up skills so that she could run a variety of part-time home businesses to help earn the small amount of extra income we needed. She did everything from making and selling decorative baskets, to wallpaper hanging, to selling plants. She also helped our family save money by planting and maintaining a huge garden and helping to run a small farm that supplied most of our food, and sewing clothes for the family. Much of these skills were self-taught. Through all this she taught us how to be creative, thrifty, independent, and self-sufficient. More often than not we were expected to work right along side her.

Elizabeth is incredible in her own way. She, too, finds great joy in being thrifty and creative with things like shopping, cooking, and home decorating – not out of necessity but because they’re admirable qualities. But where she really shines as a mother to our daughter is in how intentional she is about mothering. Long before we welcomed our daughter into our home Elizabeth had read multiple books on things like sleep training and parenting techniques. She wasn’t content with accepting the advice of the first person that came along, but rather put in the effort of finding and analyzing what all is out there before consulting with me and choosing a strategy. As a result she is probably the most prepared mother I know. She knows exactly what to expect in our daughter as she grows and develops, long before Ayana reaches a given developmental milestone. Elizabeth is patient, consistent, and intentional with her, and treats her job as a stay-at-home mom just like a career. As a result of her seemingly tireless teaching, focused playing, and constant communicating with Ayana, we already have a successful, well-rounded, developed, content, and happy child. Ayana is blessed to have her as a mom, and I’m blessed to have her as a wife.”

How about you?  How has your mother, grandmother, wife, sister, aunt or friend made a positive impact as a mother?  

Additional posts you may be interested in.  

• Honoring mothers on Mother’s Day…
• A nearly 90 year-old grandmother that is stil giving…
• Women mentoring others…

Photo credit: iStockphoto.com