I’m delighted to share a guest post from Daniel Buhr in the series on Disagreement. Daniel was one of the co-authors of the book Energize Your Leadership. He works in health and safety at a Fortune 500 Company and shares his passion for leadership at cybuhr.com and @Cybuhr on Twitter.

Heels dug in? Check.

Ears closed? Check.

Mind made up? Check.

Bring on the discussion, I’m ready.  There’s no way I’m going to lose this one!

Have you ever approached a disagreement this way? I sure have. While I may not have expertise in resolving disagreements I certainly have plenty of experience in being a part of them. One thing I have learned from this experience is that as soon as you create a Me vs. Them situation you’ve already lost.

If someone has to be the winner then everyone is a loser. No one becomes more from someone else becoming less.

“ Approach disagreement with respect for the other person and curiosity for their viewpoint.

First determine if it is even a disagreement at all. You may in fact simply have different perspectives on the same viewpoint.

• Are you arguing about what an elephant looks like when one of you is looking at the trunk and the other is looking at the tail?
• Merge your thoughts, enrich your perspective, and move on to a more interesting discussion, like which end of an elephant is more dangerous.

Another possibility is that the other person isn’t disagreeing with you, they just hate you. If you took their viewpoint they would take yours. They’re coming from a place of pain and fear. Recognize this situation for what it is and deal with it accordingly. One option is simply to walk away. Even then, do so with respect.

“ I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. —GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

If you do indeed have a disagreement remember that having a disagreement doesn’t mean you have a problem, it means you have an opportunity. Every single person is unique with their own story, their own perspective on the world, their own vision for life.

• Disagreement is inevitable.
• Arguments are unnecessary.

Take a positive view of disagreements as a natural part of life and learn from them.

Start with listening, as hard as that may be. The notion that listening implies consent just isn’t true. Listening implies respect. Listen to understand and you will learn so much more than you would in a verbal tennis match.

Don’t make the disagreement personal. Focus on the issue and don’t allow personal attacks to become part of the dialogue. However, keep the interaction personal. Recognize and respect each person for who they are.

Disagreement with someone can actually be a form of respect. It says I trust you enough to open up to you. It says I believe in you enough to challenge you. It says, “Let’s work together on this and we’ll find a solution that’s better than either of us could find on our own.”

Realize that you can’t change someone’s mind. You can only influence them to make a different choice. By trying to gain what you can never have, control, you will lose what you most need, influence.

“ Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy. —ISAAC NEWTON

Resolving disagreement is by its nature a matter of leadership. Leadership gathers people together on higher ground. That is where the best solutions will be found. Bring people to a place of sufficient agreement that allows everyone to move forward.

The ultimate test of whether a disagreement has been handled successfully is to apply Robert Greenleaf’s test of servant leadership. “Do those served grow as persons? Do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants?” To determine how well you have led the handling of a disagreement ask yourself how well you have served those involved. Ironically it can be difficult for us as leaders to resolve disagreement since we are passionate about our beliefs and values. That’s why we lead.

Just remember – respect and curiosity. And always, always put people first.

Give ear to the dissenting voice.
Give voice to the silent.
Give respect to all.

Not long ago I met with someone that was struggling because new team members were speaking up and contributing at a higher level than he was comfortable with. He had a bigger title, more experience, and a deeper understanding of the organization’s history. He trusts the detailed work that the founders of that organization did to set it up and feels like is his it responsibility to ensure that their guidelines are followed. The new team members either don’t know or don’t fully understand that history, but they have strong skills, great experience, a huge desire to serve and are unafraid to challenge the status quo.

It was good for me to hear this man’s perspective, as I am usually on the other side of that experience –Deeply believing that:

[Tweet “We were all given a brain to think and a heart to serve.”]

At one point in my career, a functional leader asked me why I had to challenge everything. (Which was hard for me to process, because I’d intentionally joined that organization because of the way they empowered people at all levels.) Fortunately, we were at a corporate event, where we were being encouraged to think and to challenge anything that was limiting our customers, our employees, our results and our future. …Two hours later, that courageous leader followed back up to tell me that I was doing exactly what I’d been hired to do and to keep doing it.

The gift of a change agent is that they see what is and WHAT COULD BE and they want to help you get there.

The challenge of a change agent is that they can’t turn off their ability to see WHAT COULD BE.   …And often their passion and drive to make things better for their customers, their employees, their organizations, their communities, their nations and our world – causes people in power to feel irritated or threatened.  (Which is actually kind of funny – because those same powerful people will later express frustration when their employees and citizens won’t take more ownership!)

[Tweet “Even the wisest needs the experiences, knowledge, and passion of others.”]

The truth is that change agents – even in empowered environments often struggle to learn:  

• When to share a risk and an opportunity
• How to present it in a way that would be short and effective – especially with people who spoke and thought differently
• How to demonstrate respect for someone else’s experience and/or position while sharing urgency
• When to wait for them to do something and when to follow up
• Who else to involve and when to involve them

Even the most effective change agents of our time, admit that leading change is not an exact science, and no matter how hard you try you will make mistakes and you will criticized.  …In Nelson Mandela’s book he shared this:

“…I moved in circles, where common sense and practical experience were more important than high academic qualifications. Even as I was receiving my degree, I realized that hardly anything I had learned at university seemed relevant in my new environment… No one had ever suggested to me how to go about removing the evils of racial prejudice, and I had to learn by trial and error.

 …One can always be correct about a political action one is reading about in the next day’s newspaper, but when you are in the center of a heated political fight, you are given little time for reflection.”

 In other words… Change agents will never be irritant free!   They are trying to balance the things that take time – like the need to learn the politics of an organization and the personalities and learning styles of each key stakeholder; with the things that can’t wait – like removing anything that is causing harm to people or the organization they serve.

 If you area titled leader that is not intentionally a part of the problem, but still find yourself being irritated by a change agent – I encourage you to seek them out and seek first to understand. Learn what they see, learn why they are so passionate, and learn how they seek to improve the situation you are in.

Then consider what would happen if their idea was implemented. What if…

• You increased your revenue____ %?
• You decreased your expenses ____%?
• You removed a significant risk for your organization?
• You made it easier for your customers to do business with you?
• You made it easier for your employees to focus on their jobs?
• People with disabilities had easier access to your building?
• You could remove multiple barriers for employment and increase the independence of many people in your community?
• You could build a critical bridge of communication between groups of people in your city?
• They have the solution you’ve been looking for?

Then share the history you know, the concerns you have and work together to create uncommon solutions.

[Tweet “Historic Wisdom + Modern Innovation = An Uncommon Future!”]

If you are a change agent with a fire in your belly that wants to be more effective – or a titled leader that is trying to figure out how to empower your people at a higher-level check out our free download here.

I was leading a small team in a culturally diverse city in the U.S. when two of my employees asked why all the titled leaders on our leadership team were white.

I was raised in a part of the country that was not culturally diverse, today – nearly a decade after their question 89% of the population in my home state is white and 95% of the county that surrounded the town I grew up in was white.  As a result, it was a question I didn’t see coming and one I did not have a good answer for.

[Tweet “If you seek to lead well… You will consider uncomfortable questions.”]

My reactions:

Honored that they trusted me enough to ask.

Pondered the team I was responsible for:

• A few whites
• A few blacks
• A few Hispanics
• Asian
• Mixed
• Both male, female
• With a span of ages on the team that represented 5 different generations.

Reflected on how new team members were hired:

• I had never considered skin color or nationality. Ever.
• No quota’s to fill.
• No strategy to match the culture of my team with my customers.

I consistently looked for people with the skillset for the job, and people that would work well with the team. (And if the skillset was a match but they were obviously not a fit for the team, they were not hired.) And oddly enough the team was a pretty accurate reflection of the percentages of nationalities in our city.

So when I looked at the leadership team and considered their question, I wondered:

1. About the quality and variety of the applicants that were being received for those positions. (No doubt there were plenty of qualified people of other nationalities in our city.)
2. Was it how those positions were advertised?
3. What it where the business was located?
4. Was there an intentional prejudice present that I’d never noticed?
5. Was it the preference of any previous candidates not to be the first person from another nationality on the leadership team?
6. Were there other contributing factors I was missing?

Please don’t misunderstand. I am NOT advocating quotas. As they encourage organizations to hire warm bodies instead of the best talent or the best fit for the team. They also foster laziness and a lack of accountability by those that fit into the required group.

But I do believe that if we are willing to consider uncomfortable questions, there is often an opportunity for leaders to grow and improve.

A few weeks ago, I returned from South Africa and where learned more about the Apartheid System that smothered, separated and limited their people and the potential of their country for more than 50 years.

This is one tiny example from Nelson Mandela’s book that gives a glimpse of how much confusion, pressure, and division Apartheid caused, “Africans were desperate for legal help in government buildings:  It was a crime to walk through a Whites Only door, a crime to ride a Whites Only bus, a crime to use a Whites Only drinking fountain, a crime to walk on a Whites Only beach, a crime to be on the streets past eleven, a crime not to have a passbook, and a crime to have the wrong signature in that book, a crime to be unemployed and a crime to be employed in the wrong place, a crime to live in certain places and a crime to have no place to live.”

 When you dive into history like that, it is natural to look for evidence of change.

As we walked streets in Cape Town and Johannesburg it was clear that the oppression that had killed hopes, dreams, collaboration and synergy for years is gone. People now have the freedom of movement, without passbooks, without limits on where they can live, visit, sit, eat, or who they can be friends with or date.

It has only been 20 years since massive change came to South Africa and change takes time. At the same time teams and cultures will only continue to evolve if everyone is willing to keep asking and answering uncomfortable questions.

Throughout our stay in Cape Town, Johannesburg, on our Safari –we saw more white people in leadership positions, and more black people in entry-level service positions.

And the nagging question in my head and my heart was the one I’d been asked so many years ago… Why were so many of the leadership teams we saw… White? Why were all but one of the guides on our safari white, and all of the trackers black?

…And yes I asked the question, more than once.

My job is to turn over rocks and look at the squiggly things, even if what you see can scare the h_ll out of you.

-Former Pitney Bowes Executive, Fred Purdue

[Tweet “If you seek to lead well… You will ask uncomfortable questions.”]

PLEASE SHARE:

• Have you ever asked an uncomfortable question?
• Have you ever considered an uncomfortable question?
• Has an uncomfortable question ever changed your behavior?

As a titled leader have you ever been in a situation where:

• Your objectives were INCREASING
• The volume of customers were INCREASING
• The demands on your team were INCREASING
• …And the effectiveness and efficiency of your tools were decreasing?

Was it possible to do MORE with less?

How did you navigate the changes?

Were you and your team at risk of burning out?

Did you struggle with victim thoughts?

Did you communicate your need for better tools or more help?

Did you give up?  …Or did you get creative?

How did it turn out?

What advice would you offer others?

If you are facing that situation now – I’ve been there. Here’s what we did…

If an energy sapping challenge is weighing on you YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  This struggle is real all over our world.

For two years, I had the honor of working with 15 Dedicated Authors from different parts of our globe, to create a book that would offer real help and hope to anyone in the midst of those struggles.  A few months ago, Energize Your Leadership was released.

Each author is an experienced corporate professional, working mother and/or a small business owner that has dealt with things like this:

• The increased use of technology that has you “plugged in” to work more often.
• Economic changes that increasingly require you to produce more with less.
• Stress caused by environment, health, and/or personal choices.
• The struggle to be physically and mentally present and engaged at home while still producing at work.

And each one has survived those energy-depleting seasons and emerged softer, stronger, wiser and more energized. If you are in the midst of an energy-depleting season, don’t let your struggle overwhelm you.

Pick up your copy today and prepare to Energize Your Leadership.

Get your copy of on Amazon Kindle or Paperback sent to you from Amazon today!

Several years ago I was asked to serve on a Board that was responsible for overseeing resources from the federal, state and local area.

To learn more, I did a lot of research and then decided to drive to the locations that provided those services.

I found the first location with no problem.

But when I followed my GPS to the second location. I found a police station. Then drove up and down the street and around in circles.

I tried to call but a recording made it impossible to reach a live person. …When I finally asked a police officer, he had no idea where the place was.

Eventually I drove down a little alley. Parked my car and walked into a building – that was right next door to the police station, with old lettering on it that read, “Community Center”. Inside a bunch of cubicles filled a large area that had at one time been used for community gatherings.

It was indeed the location I was looking for.

A few questions later, I learned that the cubicles had been in that location for years.

So I asked how people that had never been there before were expected to find the building when:

1. There was no sign to indicate that someone should turn down the alley.
2. There was no sign on the building.
3. Even their immediate neighbors were unaware of what they did in this building.

Eventually I learned that:

• This building was owned by the city, and at one time only city employees worked here.
• The building I had visited earlier was owned by the state, and at one time only state employees had worked there.

Then legislation changed, requiring the city and the state to share:

• Locations
• Staffing
• Workload
• Branding
• Credit

The city had been given a sign but refused to hang it up because the sign because it didn’t give them credit for their funds, their staff or their contributions.

And that was just the tip of a very big iceberg.

• Silos, politics, and turf wars were the priority.
• Finger pointing and blame games were the norm.
• Staff reflected the divides that were modeled for them.

And the purpose of both locations were buried under drama.

As you read this story were you imagining:

• The bloody, unwinnable battles that employees had to fight each day?
• The energy it took just to go to work, let alone do their jobs?
• The time and talent that were being wasted?
• How many people with needs that were not getting served well?
• How many people with needs that were not being met at all?

Did you find yourself getting irritated at how childish this situation sounds?

Who were you tempted to blame?

At first glance it appeared that the city had issues.

The truth is that divide was so big and the history so buried that I’m not sure:

• Who disrespected who first.
• What the reasons for the lack of trust and respect were.
• If anyone had ever tried to work through the conflict.
• Or when they became so focused on fighting each other – that they forgot what their mission was.

Here’s the thing:

Situations like this exist all over our world.  Many times within the walls of a single organization, with leaders that are on the same payroll.

“ When people see a lack of alignment at the top, they know they don’t have to align. —KEN BLANCHARD

• Pointing fingers and playing the “blame game” or ignoring each other – won’t fix the issue.  It will increase the division.
• As the divide increases: more and more energy, time and resources are wasted.
• Loyalty decreases.
• Your ability to achieve your mission decreases.
• Growth declines.
• And everyone’s stress increases.

“ Whether you are the CEO or lead a small work team, you are ridiculously in charge if you are the leader. And you can certainly protect it and defend it against that which would infect it, derail it, or bring it down. You will get what you create and what you allow. —DR. HENRY CLOUD

YOUR Turn!  

What’s the greatest division you’ve ever witnessed between a group of people that should be working together?

What did you do?

Need help bringing people together?

Check out these posts:

• Rocks, Squiggly Things, Questions and Growth
• Breaking The Cycle of Organizational Chaos and Decline

You’re invited to email chery@consultgiana.com to make an appointment for a free consultation about how we can change the direction of your team.

Image Credit:  iStock 

Yesterday I felt a strong urge to clearly articulate what Character-Based Leadership means to me.

As I wrote it I thought of:

• Leaders that create beautiful symphonies by unleashing the differences and strengths of others.
• Leader that inspire us all to lead at a higher level.
• Leadership decisions that make my blood boil.
• People I am currently serving and people I’ve served.
• Times I’ve led well, and times I’ve failed.
• All that I am and all that I hope to be…

[Tweet “What’s your leadership manifesto? “]

This is mine:

It’s NOT about me.

• I am here to help us accomplish our mission and to serve.

My heart’s desire is to model our core values & to be consistent, fair & explainable.

Everyone I serve is important and considered before I make a decision:

• Your race doesn’t matter.
• Your religion doesn’t matter.
• Your gender doesn’t matter.
• Your title doesn’t matter.
• Your education level doesn’t matter.
• How much money you do or do not have in the bank doesn’t matter.
• Who you hang out with doesn’t matter.

No-one has more value.   No-one has less value.  …And no-one gets special favors.

I will speak only truth.

• And I expect the same from you.

I will NEVER be perfect.

I am human and I do have feet of clay.

• That is a reality but NOT an excuse.

As a result:

• If you see me make a decision that you don’t understand – please ask me about it.
• If my character falters – I expect you to hold me accountable.
• I will own my mistakes and work to correct them.

I recognize your humanity as well.

• So if you do something that violates our core values – I will hold you accountable and treat you with respect and compassion.

Before I make decisions I ask myself:

1. Will this help us fulfill our mission?
2. Is this in line with our core values?
3. Does this support the people I serve?

If not, we don’t do it.

If something is best for the majority and an inconvenience for me – I will still do what is best for the majority.

When there are policies in place that don’t support those three things:

• If I have the power to change them I will.
• If I don’t have the power to change them but can influence change I will.
• There will be times that you will need to take the lead on making change happen.

Some changes take decades, but if they are critical for our success I will continue to do what I can, with what I have, right where I am – until it happens.

Learn More About How To Lead Change Here

I promise to never forget that YOU are here for a reason:

• You have knowledge I don’t have.
• You have gifts and talents I don’t have.
• You have experiences I don’t have.
• You see things I don’t see.

We are stronger, wiser and more beautiful together.

You’re invited to put your skin in OUR game!

YOUR TURN!  

What would you add to this Manifesto?

Have you written one of our own?

Image Credits: iStock & Fotolia

When we announced our plans to move to a giant sandbox on the other side of the world. I promised to share both the beauty and the struggle of our experiences.

It’s been easier to capture the beauty and share it.

• Mostly because it’s energy-filled, it bubbles out and I know that people will be encouraged by it.

Sharing the negative side is tougher.

• Because it’s hard to write about the things that cause frustration and pain without being judgmental.
• And it’s even harder to write about them without feeling negative and heavy. (And that is not something I want to pass on to anyone.)

The reality is that our lives here are both beautiful and hard.

Today I started with the beautiful:

I spent time with women from all across the world, soaking in the beauty of our different accents, mannerisms, backgrounds and colors. When our gathering ended I had tea with a neighbor from Eritrea. This woman and I really struggle to understand each other’s words. However, we see something in each other’s hearts that keeps pushing us to try – and each time it gets a little easier.

Both experiences have me bubbling over inside, feeling joyful and thankful for our lives here.

And when I got back home I sat down to finish the article I’ve tried to write for days about one of the biggest struggles we face here:

Inconsistency. (That sounds like a fairly harmless word – right?)

So let me paint you a picture of how that one word has grown into an epidemic that impacts the lives of everyone here on a daily basis.

At work:

Job descriptions and minimum standards are often not defined and changes are not communicated. Employees are expected to read minds and to adjust to the moods and personalities of their titled leaders. (Which means it’s nearly impossible to do their jobs correctly and to feel any sense of accomplishment.)

Pay and accountability are based on your family name and nation of origin not your qualifications or performance. (So there’s not much incentive to learn more or to provide high-quality service.)

It is almost impossible to find someone that can tell you the exact process or steps to get anything done – because the process change daily based on who is doing it and how much work they are willing to do that day. So it can take weeks of constant follow-up to complete a task. (This applies to everything from the paperwork you need to get in and out of the country, to having the Internet hooked up. – It literally took 60 phone calls to get a new Internet service installed at our home!)

FAKE rules are made so that organizations will appear to be compliant with local laws. Other rules are real and made with the expectation that you follow them.  (So after some time here people begin to assume that they have it figured out, but no one really knows for sure…!)

Sometimes people are hired to create job descriptions, processes or procedures for groups of people that aren’t used being accountable for them, and haven’t experienced the benefits of clarity and fairness. (Benefits like: less stress, more synergy, efficiency, effectiveness, pride, joy, and growth…)  Unfortunately it is normal for the hiring managers to bend the very policies they wanted to create.

As a customer:

It’s common for the items that are listed on the menu to not be available. (Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe never.)

It’s normal to find things in the grocery story for a few months and then not again for several months. (It’s a joy-filed day when they appear again!)

It’s not shocking to call a business during business hours and have no one answer the phone.

It’s not surprising to go to the mall or a restaurant during their posted hours of operation and find that they aren’t open. (Maybe running late, maybe closed for inventory, maybe taking a holiday – you guess!)

If you’re waiting for a service to be provided – you better communicate constantly or it won’t happen when it is promised and even if you are communicating constantly there are no guarantees.

You should definitely expect to receive a different level of service based on your nationality and your gender.

Day to day:

You will witness people walking to the front of a line because they don’t think they should have to wait like everyone else.

You won’t get stopped by the police for violating traffic laws: So if you want to drive in the middle of two lanes, drive over the speed limit or suddenly cross three lanes in heavy traffic to get to the exit on the opposite side of the road – go for it! However if you are a certain gender and you choose to drive a car, you are almost guaranteed jail time – even though it is not against the law.

As extreme as all of this sounds:

• Inconsistency of any kind creates> a lack of clarity and/or unfairness.
• That lack of clarity and/or unfairness causes > our actions to be unexplainable.
• Unexplainable actions create stress, erode trust, increase frustration, wear people out, decrease ownership and limit potential.

And as the dominos fall – employees, customers, families, organizations and even nations are impacted.

As a parent, spouse, neighbor, or titled leader your actions will:

Either keep the dominos falling – increasing the odds that this epidemic will go viral where you live.

– OR –

Break the cycle and help you build a stronger and healthier future.

[Tweet “Is your behavior consistent, fair and explainable?”]

Image Credit:  iStock

I pointed to my historical pattern of two years of achieving in a role, before I got bored and needed to learn something new and needed to make a greater difference. (Which usually meant I moved on…)

The interviewer smiled and nodded and shared that he had the same problem. …Until he came to work in this company…

He had my attention.

I had his attention.

And I got the job.

Nearly two years later – the team I was serving was no longer the least engaged, or lowest performing. They were so highly engaged that customers commented on the difference, the entire company felt their presence, and their results were setting the bar.

And I began to feel that familiar itch…

• Now what?
• Where do we go from here as a team?
• How can I learn and serve more?

At first I looked at the grass on the other side of the fence – just like I’d always done. It looked so green, so interesting, so inviting… And I considered making the leap.

And then one day I stumbled over a rock in our department and discovered a slimy squiggly thing that was hiding in a dark corner under all of our success. (How dare he!)

So the team began to shine the light of our efforts on that squiggly thing.

As we did we felt renewed energy and teamwork and before long that dark corner was fully illuminated and that squiggly thing moved out.

So we turned over another rock. …And then another rock. And then another one…

Sometimes we discovered more squiggly things.

Sometimes we discovered traces of gold and focused our efforts on making the most of a new opportunity.

Each time we turned a rock we were like children on a treasure hunt.

• We had an exciting adventure.
• Our knowledge and skills grew.
• We became a stronger team.
• And we made a greater and greater difference for our company.

And yes – I stayed 3.5 times longer than my historical pattern.  

In that process I learned:

1. Focusing on improving who you are and contributing to where you are can eliminate the two-year itch and any temptation to rest on previous successes.
2. You don’t have to give into the itch, don’t have to rest the moment you experience success, don’t have to experience decline, and don’t have to jump ship.
3. You can continue to engage others and grow simply by examining shadowy places and shining light into them.

[Tweet “Continuous Improvement increases satisfaction, engagement and growth – right where you are!”]

Today it is exactly two years since my dog and I said goodbye to friends in Tulsa, and started a road-trip before joining my husband overseas.

• On April 10^th – I’ll have been an expat for two years.

And the itch has been increasing for a few weeks.  So – Yes I’m turning a few rocks!

How about you? Do you have a natural rhythm that “itches” after a set amount of time? How do you handle it?

Image Credit – iStock

• I rave about it when I am a customer and someone exceeds my expectations.
• I prefer to work with people who want to exceed the expectations of their key-stakeholders and customer.
• And I delight in finding ways to provide that kind of service to others.

As a result I’ve historically struggled to be on the receiving end of poor service, and really struggled to work with titled leaders that don’t care about anything but meeting minimum standards.

 So imagine living life in a place where:

• Minimum standards are not predefined and consistency is not the norm.
  • Multiple items on the menu are frequently not available.
  • Businesses frequently don’t open on time.
  • Business phones are not always answered.
  • And you don’t want to know what public restrooms look like!
• Accountability is one extreme or the other with not much in between:
  • There is none OR limbs and lives are at risk.
• Discrimination not against the law it is the law.

A few months ago one of my neighbors was expressing frustration about how a special event she attended did not meet her expectations.

She was sad because she’s lived here longer than I have and has learned that in spite of what is and isn’t she has figured out that there are ways to create high-quality experiences.  …And as a result she has come to expect a different norm here than I have.

As she expressed her thoughts I realized that we don’t share the same vision of what is possible here.

The mirror she held up cause me to recognize that:

• In a different time and place the idea of lowering my standards was almost against my religion.
• When I came here I also made a choice to alter my expectations, knowing that if I focused a lot of energy on the things I could not control I would be frustrated all of the time.

That conversation made me ponder my history and my present choices, and I wondered if I’d altered my expectations too much, or if I’d wisely prevented energy leaks.

And as I pondered I remembered reading this on my Aunt’s wall each time I visited her home when I was little…

God grant me…

The serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change those I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Over the past few weeks I’ve had several additional conversations, with a variety of people, about different topics but all in relation to the norms here.

• Some spend absolutely no energy or time considering what they can’t control.
• Some don’t like parts of their experiences, but are afraid to rock the boat they are in and choose to do nothing.
• Some are raging against what they can’t control and complain to people that don’t have the power to fix anything.
• And some are trying to figure out what changes they can influence.

I’d love to hear your thoughts…

• Is it healthy to lower your expectations and accept what is?
• Can you grow if you never raise your expectations of yourself, your loved ones or your organization?
• How do you decide when to accept and when to be courageous?

He blames his staff, treats them badly, moves them to different locations, stalls their vacations and refuses to listen to their feedback.

The truth is:

• He has been an absentee owner that has happily collected profits from the businesses while choosing not to be involved in day-to-day operations.
• He hasn’t trained his employees or empowered them to make decisions.
• He has not been engaged with his customers and doesn’t know what they value.
• He hasn’t been proactive about growing his businesses or even keeping up with his competitors.
• His prices are higher than the competition and his facilities are cramped, cluttered, outdated, and equipped with poor quality equipment and tools.

He can’t see what is obvious to anyone that seeks the services of his company…

HIS behavior is the root cause of the decline in his business.

And as bad as he sounds… He is not alone in his denial.

When human beings in large corporations, communities, countries and families begin to see the impact that neglect has on their lives and work – We are all tempted to look for a quick fix:

• How many times have you listened to a title leader blame others for what is not working?
• How many times have you seen an organization get rid of long-term employees that care deeply about the success of the organization?
• How many times have you seen someone trade in his or her family for a new one?
• How many times have you wished that there really were an EASY button to press?

If you are dealing with a challenge and struggling to figure out what to do about it pause and remember:

[Tweet “A Band-Aid covers the problem but it does not cure it.”]

Solutions aren’t found “out-there” ~ They are discovered after YOU take ownership of your behavior:  

• How are you contributing to the problem that you are facing?
• Are you investing time and energy taking care of what you have?
• Have you changed your behavior, before asking others to change theirs?