For more than a decade I’ve been thinking about challenging conversations.

• About the people that avoid them at all costs.
• And about the people that drive over others with their opinions while refusing to listen to another point of view.

How do you usually respond?  (I’ve done both.)

And while I’ve been thinking about the importance of those conversations, I’ve been listening, learning and growing.

Below is a short list of reasons why it is so important for all of us to learn how to have these conversations:

1. Most of us don’t know how to have discussions about difficult topics.
2. FAKING peace and pretending a problem doesn’t exist doesn’t make it go away.
3. Staying in our own little corners and talking to those that think like us, doesn’t build bridges or trust with those that don’t.
4. The blame game never solves anything.
5. BREAKING peace by shouting, labeling and name-calling increases the division.
6. People matter.
7. Truth matters.
8. Compassion matters.
9. Critical thinking matters.
10. Character matters.
11. You have experienced, witnessed, researched and considered things that no one else has.
12. Others have experienced witnessed, researched and considered things you have not.
13. Half-baked solutions based on only part of the information will never solve a problem.
14. The purpose of our freedom is to be able to research, dialogue, learn and problem solve – together.
15. I need to know what you know, and you need to know what I know.
16. We can’t heal the past if we can’t discuss it.
17. We can’t create a stronger future if stay in our own bubbles and refuse to collaborate.
18. Real Peace MAKING makes a stronger future possible.

“ Change never begins “out there”.  It begins with the only person will ever control…   Ourselves.

Will you choose to be part of the solution?

If you live in greater Houston – Please join us for an energy-filled, hope-infused workshop on November 6th from 6:30 – 9 PM.  (People of different races, religions, political parties, ages, educational backgrounds are driving from all sides of Houston to participate.)

Learn more and get your tickets here:

CONVERSATION Safari Houston

I confess that I’m the sort of person that gravitates towards my own tribe. I consciously seek out interactions with people that I perceive to be like me and I imagine that most people are like this. Going where they fit in. The safaris have broken down those barriers. They have allowed me to rub my mind with the minds of women from very diverse backgrounds. I’ve come away knowing that I can have a deep sisterly bond with a lady from a completely different cultural, religious or racial makeup.C.H.
A frequent CONVERSATION Safari Participant from Zimbabwe and the USA

When was the last time you were in a conversation, and heard someone use the word “ALL” to describe the beliefs or behavior of an entire group of humans?

How many articles have filled your screens in the last week that emphasized all the reasons you should mistrust, disregard, or fear an entire group of people?

I’m deeply troubled about the volume of educated, intelligent, caring people that are having these conversations and sharing these articles and this is why…

Throughout history the word “ALL has been leveraged to:

1. Box and dehumanize entire groups of people
2. Fuel fear, judgment and anger
3. Shut down critical thinking
4. Increase distrust
5. Intensify division

“ Wise people don’t let others manipulate their thinking, behavior or results.

Today it is often being leveraged to convince you that “ALL“:

• ___  Executives are unwilling to receive feedback
• ___  Frontline employees are unwilling and unable to solve problems
• ___  Police Officers are unethical
• ___  Government offices are inefficient
• ___  Politicians are crooked
• ___  Home-schooled children are anti-social
• ___  Poor people are lazy
• ___  Wealthy people are selfish and greedy
• ___  Brown men are bad fathers
• ___  White men are racist
• ___  Saudi men are unwilling to support the dreams of their wives and daughters
• ___  Christians are hateful
• ___  Muslims are terrorists
• ___  Conservatives are racist
• ___  Liberals want to destroy your nation
• __________________________(Fill in the blank.)

What a list of word grenades! 

So why do we rage against being thrown into one of those boxes and labeled, and tossed aside?

And then judge ourselves by our intentions while failing to consider the intentions of others?

“ Sensible people listen to individuals and seek to understand.

Instead of just reading history, what if we LEARNED from it?

Propaganda has been used to impact thinking in every corner of the world, through all times.  Chains, paint, nakedness, skin color, smaller eyes, yellow stars, tattoos, head scarves, jewelry, the color of someone’s passport – have all been leveraged to convince people  that “everyone who looks human is not human.”

You don’t have to blindly accept everything and you don’t have to be manipulated by the “Box of ALL”.

Alarms should go off in every cell of your body when you hear that word in a conversation and see that word in print.

When those alarms are triggered:  Listen, research, and think.  Then challenge the narrative and help others see people instead of boxes.

“ Highly effective people tear off labels, kick open boxes, and bring people together.

Conversation Safari Workshops are designed to:

Help people challenge the narrative and while helping organizations engage people and grow.

Contact Chery to learn more 832-557-5327

I recently visited a high school that has invested years teaching their students to be activists.

While that effort alone is impressive.  The uncommon skill they are teaching, and modeling for the students is even more so.

Through instruction and experience, their students are learning that a healthy culture is a balanced culture.  And that in a balanced culture it is possible to think critically and to be compassionate.

They are learning how to shine a bright light on truth with data and personal experiences.  …While getting involved with, and loving people that have made choices they disagree with.

They are engaging people and growing their cause because of their unique approach.  And the impact they are having on the students, families and the community is beyond impressive.

What those students and their families may not realize:

• Is that it is uncommon it is to learn to balance challenging concepts.
• This skill will benefit every part of their lives in the years to come.  (As individuals. with their families, in the businesses and non profits they will serve and within the communities and nation they will live in.)

Now imagine the cultures you are a part of: 

“ Is a balanced culture part of your strategy to improve engagement and growth?

Are Truth and Love strategically poured into the foundation and the future?

Is Vision balanced with Ownership?

• Do you have a vision?
• Does everyone know why it is important? And how they impact the vision?
• Is it clearly and frequently communicated both internally and externally?
• Is that vision used to guide decisions or to decorate walls?
• Are all teams measured on goals that support that vision – or are they forced to fight each other and work against the vision to accomplish their objectives?
• How often do they experience uncommon synergy and results?
• Are all people empowered and unleashed to bring their best to your organization?
• Does everyone listen to and respond to your customers, members or citizens?

Is EVERYONE unleashed to make the greatest difference possible?

When that happens, people at every level take ownership of the opportunities they see and:

• Individuals have more freedom, energy, commitment and growth
• Teams experience greater collaboration, synergy, engagement and results
• Customers are valued, honored, and continually amazed

Is Accountability balanced with Compassion?

Are all wafts of smoke followed to the source and fires are extinguished before they spread?

Do Smoke-Chasers:

• Seek the whole truth about opportunities in the organization?
• Weigh everything against the company vision, mission and values?
• Confront internal barriers that are preventing titled leaders from listening and responding to employees or from communicating & problem solving with peers?
• Balance consistency with fairness in their conversations and decision making?
• Treat people with respect – regardless of their title, personality style or behavior?
• Address inappropriate behavior – “Boss babies” grow up or leave, Manipulators change or go?
• Help their organizations overcome challenges and grow:  Often reducing risk, increasing efficiency and maximizing results without added expense?

Those who build strong balanced cultures are rewarded with uncommon:  

• Engagement: Their people are committed, and energized.
• Growth: Because they’re leveraging the wisdom and passion of many.

Since our return home from Saudi Arabia, (A place I once feared and had zero desire to move to.)  I have been facilitating a series of workshops for students – sharing what day-to-day life was like while emphasizing critical life, leadership and people skills that they will need throughout their lives.

In each workshop students are given a visual of a natural process that will happen the rest of their lives – as they decide if they have the courage to leave their comfort zones or the grit to survive when life hands them circumstances they can’t control.

“ Learning to embrace life outside your comfort zone is a critical skill.

Some of the questions I’ve been asked about Saudi are worth sharing:

What was the best part?

• Living in an International Compound: Sharing life, friendship, and food with people from more than 50 nations and learning from them.
• Riding motorcycle with men and women from all over the world and getting to experience parts of Saudi that many expats don’t get to enjoy. (Yes – My motorcycle jacket had ½ of an abaya attached to it and could be rolled up when I was on the bike and rolled down when I was off the bike. Allowing me to be respectful and safe while enjoying time on the bike with my husband.)
• Vacationing in 11 countries besides Saudi and Bahrain in the 4 years we were there.

What was the hardest thing for you?

In order to say yes to living there I adjusted my expectations – intentionally trying not to expect things that I would expect at home. Most of the time that plan worked. Although, I never appreciated things that made life less clear, fair and efficient – I didn’t ride big waves of frustration.  There were two big exceptions in the four years that we were there:

• The first time was when there were bombings at mosques in cities near us three weekends in a row. The company we worked for hosted a security meeting and I expected that they would recommend a security protocol for our housing compound. The company did not have any of their own staff present – sending only their subcontracted security firm – who would not provide that information without the company’s approval. So we received none of the information I expected to receive, the entire meeting felt like a giant placebo and a waste of time. And I really struggled to find a new perspective and reset my expectations.
• The second time was this past summer when thousands of people – many who are dear friends – had their homes flooded in Louisiana.  I shared links on my Facebook page so that people could donate and support them. Not long before that, a man had been arrested and was serving time in a neighboring and much more liberal country for doing something similar. As a result, some of my neighbors in the sandbox strongly encouraged me to take my post down. As they shared their concerns, I remembered a few other situations in our location so I did as they suggested.  But I raged against the lack of clarity and the inconsistencies that caused this confusion and the need to even consider the possibility of removing the post.  Especially when my biggest desire was to support friends in need and the organizations I was recommending were vetted and trusted.

What was the biggest lesson?

• In order to embrace our unwanted change I learned to used both my brain and my heart in balance.  Constantly seeking truth instead of urban legends and choosing love over fear.
• As I watched the news while we lived in the sandbox, I noticed that in nearly every divisive issue in our world –  we are pushed to choose one of two sides: Total Acceptance OR Fear.
• We were all given a Brain AND a Heart. When we intentionally BALANCE the use of both we discover a third option -that leads to wiser and more compassionate decisions and healthier relationships, workplaces, communities, and nations.

Are you glad you are home?

Yes.  I miss the people we came to know and love and I am so thankful for our time there.  At the same time I am savoring life here in a new way:

• I fight tears when I sit in a church building – free to worship as I please.
• I giggle like a schoolgirl when I drive my car.
• And I am intentionally leveraging my freedom of speech at a higher level – hoping to encourage others to utilize this extraordinary freedom at a higher level and increase our ability to dialogue with and learn from each other.

 Did your values change?

• My values stayed the same, but they become deeper and stronger.
• My vision for helping people, workplaces, communities, nations and our world – grew significantly.

Would you go again?

• If we had it to do all over again – we would absolutely say yes!
• We learned more about geography, world history, different cultures, different foods, and different beliefs.
• We made amazing lifelong friends from all across the world. Which means we are more attentive to world news – deeply considering how it impacts people we know and love and the nations they call home.

What personal experiences will you cherish forever?

Life in the sandbox inspired me to try to make connections with Saudi ladies when I was out of our compound:

• Most of them covered their faces with only their eyes showing.
• I loved smiling at them and greeting them, and  recognizing when they were smiling in return by the way that their eyes lit up and crinkled.

On more than one occasion I sat on a bench and smiled at a woman next to me and greeted her in Arabic.  Each time:

• There was an instant warmth.
• A conversation – in spite of language barriers.
• I was offered some of whatever they were snacking on.
• And as soon as there were no men in the area, each one voluntarily lifted the cloth that covered her face.
• Brilliant, beautiful unexpected connections that make my heart overflow.

No matter where you live: You can choose to leave your comfort zone, use your brain AND your heart and reach out to others:

• Age doesn’t matter
• Race doesn’t matter
• Religion doesn’t matter
• Uniform doesn’t matter

“ The state of your heart matters… Be the change you want to see!

Looking for a speaker or a facilitator for your next event?  

Beyond learning about the day-to-day realities of life in Saudi that aren’t fairly or fully captured in movies or the news – Experiences and learning’s from Saudi can be leveraged to help:

1. People work through divisive current events
2. Students, adults and organizations develop critical life, leadership and people skills
3. Followers of Jesus to find Biblical responses to the news and division in our world

View Speaking Testimonials Here

Image Credit:  Pixabay

This weekend, we spent time with my sister and her family.  Several years ago they adopted a three-year-old little boy.

Jason was born with a genetic condition and under the influence of the drugs and alcohol that his birth mother used during her pregnancy.  Collectively, all of those things impact his cognitive abilities.

Jason is a beautiful soul that loves life, people and all kinds of animals.  But there are days that he struggles with emotions, decisions and expressing himself.

Over the weekend, I heard stories from his big sister and his mom about times he is having a challenging day.  In those moments, they’ve heard him coaching himself with words like these:

• “Gotta be nice, calm down.”
• “You know that’s disrespectful.”
• “It hurts her feelings when you do that”
• “Why do you do that?”
• “I don’t know why, it’s just hard sometimes”

When I shared the story with my husband he was impressed that Jason was trying to use logic to govern his emotions.

He is a pre-teen with the mind of a little boy and a heart that is more mature than many adults.

“ Have you ever used logic to govern your emotions?

Recently some of the ladies that had attended several Conversation Safari’s shared these stories of how they have been coaching themselves.

Both are Muslim women that wear a hijab.  (The hijaab is the scarf that covers a woman’s hair, making it easy to identify her faith, which sometimes makes her a target of bigots.)

One was preparing for a family vacation to the U.S. and very concerned about how she and her family would be treated when they arrived.

• She coached herself to return any rude or hateful behavior with kindness.
• Throughout her vacation she radiated joy and kindness and received the same in return.

The second one is from Germany and converted to Islam when she met her husband.

• She was recently introduced to someone on social media that was raised in East Germany under communist rule and was about to begin her first expat experience in The Middle East.
• When they met in person, my friend did not have her hijab on, because there were no men present.  As a result, the new expat had no idea that my friend was a Muslim and made a few negative comments about Muslims.
• My friend silently coached her own behavior and responded with kindness, even as she revealed she was a Muslim.
• In spite of a challenging first meeting, my friend’s reaction made it possible for them to continue to meet and build a friendship.
• Today they meet with a group of women from a variety of nationalities and religions.  (And this new expat is constantly surprised and inspired, to learn that it is possible to have deep and energizing dialogue about challenging topics.)

Both of these women will tell you that:

• It is easier to let their emotions respond.
• It is a much harder and a much more productive choice to make their emotions obey their logic.
• This skill has made their interactions with others significantly more energizing and effective.

So how about you?

“ When was the last time you coached yourself?

• To seek first to understand
• To listen more
• To talk less
• To assume the best
• To be kind – even if you don’t trust
• To apologize
• To forgive

How do you need to be coaching yourself?  …And how would your life be impacted if you did?

Offering interactive speaking and workshops

That leverage true leadership stories and experiences as an expat in Saudi Arabia

To educate, inspire and emphasize leadership and life skills for adults and teens  

View Testimonials Here

On November 15th, twenty-eight women from a variety of races, nations and religions gathered together for a Conversation Safari.  The plan was to dive into divisive current events and the fears that drive our emotions, our behaviors and our results.

Our topic had been planned for months based on several private conversations:

• I’d had with a Muslim neighbor
• And several different conversations I’d had with ladies that will always have a better tan than I do

In each of those private conversations we shared fears, we felt each other’s pain, and considered new perspectives.

(The date of our event had been chosen because of some scheduling conflicts, not because of a master strategy.  But when November 9th rolled around and the election results from the U.S. hit the airwaves – fear in across the world and in the expat sandbox grew.  Our topic could not have been more perfectly timed.)

• One of the women I had met with during the summer shared what was happening at the University that her son attends in the U.S.
• Other neighbors were posting deep concern for their safety in the world
• While other friends in the U.S. were sharing deep concerns about racism and bigotry

The morning of the event, each lady that attended agreed to:

• Share what makes them feel angry and fearful – beyond the election
• Be courageous and open, even if they were uncomfortable
• Bring compassion, curiosity and a spirit of adventure – instead of a desire to win a debate

Each one shared their perspectives

and listened to others.

Some cried, and all laughed, loved, and learned.

After sharing what made each one angry and fearful…  I had been given permission to share the following story from one of those private conversations…

A brlliant, compassionate and beautiful African woman is in an environment where she is often treated as less because of the color of her skin.  One day a neighbor called her a Negro – to her face.  The pain that word caused, still shines in her eyes when she shares the details of that event.

Once the ladies in the room had a few minutes to process her pain, we compared that to another true story…

A white woman that is in her late 60’s was raised in a very rural part of the U.S.. It was so rural that she was 20 years old before she saw a person of color in real life.

Because of her environment and age, this woman used the word Negro as recently as two years ago, as a descriptive term.  (Much like people use the words Caucasian or Hispanic, tall or short – not understanding how much pain it can cause.)

-This white woman cares about her brothers and sisters, regardless of their skin color and wants to understand at a higher level.  But she is unsure how to connect.

Not long ago, she and her husband visited the Southern part of the U.S. and took a tour of slave history.  They were the only white people on the tour.  She was heartbroken by what she saw and disappointed that more white people weren’t there, and even more disappointed about how awkward and uncomfortable it was.  She didn’t know how to express her desire to learn, and the rest of the people on the tour were more than a little suspicious of her presence.

No matter which side of the story we relate to, how do we really know:

• When someone’s intent is malicious?
• If they don’t know what they don’t know?
• Or if they just aren’t sure how to express their compassion and desire to learn?

“ If you are seeking to understand, it’s really ok to say…“I care, I want to know more, I’m outside my comfort zone and I don’t know what to ask.”

Then we discussed a TED Talk about a Muslim woman who lived in the U.S on Sept 11, 2001.  All day long, she experienced great fear about being blamed and persecuted for something that others did.  Instead of her worst fears coming true, she received amazing care and support from her community.

And we compared her experience that day to:

• The experience of one of the Muslim ladies in the room – Who was living Australia far away from her home country of Pakistan for the first time.  Navigating a new culture on her own, far from her father and her husband.  She was treated badly that day – not because she did anything wrong, but because some people were fearing all Muslims, based on the actions of a few.
• My experience – Living in the 4^th largest city in the U.S and not knowing one Muslim. Not one.  The day the planes hit, I was on a business trip in a different state. So my focus was on the safety and security of our country and my loved ones, supporting the co-workers I was with, and getting home to my husband.  …And it never occurred to me to wonder what innocent Muslims were experiencing.  

  “ What would happen if we paused to hear each other’s stories and consider other perspectives?

After meeting with one of my Muslim neighbors this summer – she shared this video with me.

• It emphasizes the temptations we all face in the midst of divisive and terrifying issues
• And recommends an uncommon solution – that each one of us can act on immediately

So before our safari ended the entire group watched it.

As fear-filled news swirls around us, and the world trys to convince us that we have to choose a side… We can choose to:

• Stay in our comfort zones and continually dwell on our anger and fear
• Talk endlessly to people who are angry and fearful of the same things we are – which only increase the size of our monsters
• Sit in judgment of those who don’t side with us

OR

• Stop feeding the anger and fear in our thoughts and our conversations
• Leave our comfort zones and seek to understand those have different stories and perspectives
• Share what we are learning with others

One choice fuels despair, the other fuels hope.

“ What if…  We intentionally and strategically chose love over fear?

CLICK HERE to find out how you can participate in our launch of CONVERSATION Safaris in Greater Houston Nov 6, 2018

*An important mention:  In one of our Safari’s I was asked if it was ok to say “white people” to describe my race.  It was an instant bonding moment for the entire room as we recognized how challenging and uncomfortable it is to have these conversations.  Imagine asking someone about a physical or cognitive challenge, or how to properly describe someone’s race, nationality or religion…  There are very few words that all people agree on.  If we all understand that – it is easier to offer each other grace and keep learning!

Image Credits:  Ghadeer El-Nadoury

Titled leaders and employees are happier and more successful when they learn how to have discussions that include deep listening and truth telling.   A failure to do either one equals missed opportunities for learning and growth.  (This is also true for family and community members.)

As a result,  I’ve been encouraging listening, thinking, and dialogue with increasing frequency and leveraging current events as examples of how we can do this.

As you watch the news, are you ever so aware of the pain and the division in our world that it is hard to think about anything else?  

Recently in my home country:  

• A woman was set on fire because of her faith.
• Two other women were punched because of their faith.
• Bombs were set off and people were stabbed for their faith.
• A man was killed because of the color of his skin.
• Several men were killed because of the uniform they wear.

Some have responded with fear and hate for everyone that is not like them. 

Others deny that any problem exists and encourage blind acceptance.  

Do we really have only two options???

What if you learned to walk through those fears to seek truth and understanding?

What if you sat at a table with people that aren’t the same color as you, don’t have the same religion as you, don’t wear the same uniform as you and actually talked about the things you are concerned about?  

The goal is NOT to win or to convince someone of your point of view.

The objective IS to:

• Consider another perspective
• Deepen your understanding
• Give you a reason to read more about both sides of the issue
• Have more discussions

If you are not sure how to get started, the discussion starters below are a good place to begin:  

• How do you experience racism today?
• Is there any one term that everyone agrees with that is an acceptable descriptive word for people of color?
• How do you know if someone’s intention is hateful or earnest desire to find the right descriptive word?
• Please share your experiences and emotions on days that terrorist attacks are committed:
  • As a citizen:  In the country it happened and/or in another country observing it from afar
  • As a member of the faith community:  That was attacked and/or as a member of the same faith as the attackers

“ Peacemakers: Balance Truth with Love

The more I do this, the more I discover how hungry people are for these types of conversations…

These are some of the takeaways from discussions that are taking place in living rooms and over lunch tables:

• Racism isn’t always open and in your face, sometimes it is as subtle as sexual harassment. You may know in your gut that is the intention but sometimes it is hard to define.
• Negative past experiences with a particular word or a particular “group” of people makes it challenging for us to hear that word or to engage with that group of people again.
• We all want to be safe and we all experience fear.  Some fear of being the victim.  While others fear being persecuted because of the hateful actions of others that just happen to look like them.  (Skin color, uniform, or religion.)

In spite of the urban legend that it is unwise to talk about some of these topics…

• These discussions have not ended in energy sapping behaviors.  There has been no shouting at those who disagree and no venting to those that do agree.  Instead, the people that have engaged in this process are anticipating a discovery, sharing their curiosity, listening with compassion, pondering deep learning’s, building relationships and leaving these discussions with great energy and hope.

On October 4th we’re launching Conversation Safaris on our International Compound to encourage these kinds of discussions between people from more than 40 nations and a variety of faith backgrounds.

Would you like to join us?  You can start Conversations Safaris in your living room, your dining room table, or at a larger venue in your community.  If you need help getting started.  Please email your questions to chery@consultgiana.com.

Our world needs people who can lead positive change!

It requires unshakable vision, grit and character.  Recently I’ve been watching a story develop in the U.S. that is worth studying – Even if you don’t live there.

For those that aren’t aware of this story, this is a quick look at the facts:  

Colin Kapernick is a professional football player that recently decided to exercise some of the freedom our country grants everyone.

He decided to stay seated during our national anthem, as the rest of the stadium stood and honored our flag and our country.

Colin says he is protesting because, “I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color. To me, this is bigger than football and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder.”

His decision created a lot of heated debate with some people criticizing his patriotism, some people defending his right to protest and others applauding his reason for protesting.

It did not take long to discover that Colin chose to wear socks with pictures of pigs in police uniforms during practice, which caused more debate.

A short time later he met with a Nate Boyer, a former Green Beret Soldier and professional football player with his own passion for freeing the oppressed. Their conversation resulted in Colin’s decision to kneel; instead of sitting the next time the National Anthem was played.

Colin has also indicated that he will donate $1 Million to help those affected by police injustices.

Lessons for Change Leaders:

ACKNOWLEDGE THE GAP BETWEEN WHAT IS AND WHAT COULD BE:  Although our country has made significant progress towards our vision, we aren’t there yet. (I’ve written about that gap before and made suggestions about actions that each of us can take to close that gap.)

LEVERAGE RESOURCES AVAILABLE TO YOU:  All U.S. citizens have the right to speak out on any issue and to peacefully assemble. Although I can’t imagine not standing for our anthem, our uncommon freedom gives Colin the right to protest in this way.

LISTEN TO OTHERS:  Colin deeply considered Nate Boyer’s perspective and decided that as his protest continues he will kneel instead of sitting. His new choice demonstrates respect while protesting.

THE CONTENT OF YOUR CHARACTER MATTERS:  Wearing socks with pigs in police uniforms is antagonistic, and indicates that ALL police officers are contributing to the problem. It also implies that the public is never wrong and should never be accountable for their choices and actions. This choice did nothing to facilitate healing or change. Instead it fueled more division and causes police officers to be more defensive and fearful of the kind of behavior that Colin appears to be encouraging.

STAY FOCUSED ON THE SOLUTION: Making a donation to victims of injustice is compassionate. But it focuses only on what has gone wrong instead of helping things to change for the better. All change leaders need to ask themselves, “Are my actions helping to facilitate a solution?”

CELEBRATE PROGRESS:  Our focus drives our behavior and our behavior drives our results. If we spend all of our time and energy talking about what isn’t working, instead of remembering how far we have come, we will be discouraged and angry.   And those negative emotions will continue to fuel negative results and increase the size of the gap.

Harvard sociologist Orlando Patterson is known for his work regarding issues of race. He has said that “America, is now the least racist white-majority society in the world; has a better record of legal protections of minorities than any other society, white or black; and offers more opportunities to a greater number of black persons than any other society, including all of those of Africa.”

That’s something to focus on and celebrate while we continue to work to close the gap.

KEEP GOING:  Just like sports teams that must continue to practice to improve, change leaders celebrate their achievements and then keep working!

CONNECT THE TRUTH BETWEEN THE EXTREMES:  Bias exists both consciously and unconsciously. As change leaders discover connection points, they draw people in from both extremes and illuminate opportunities to work together.

 Montrell Jackson personally lived between those extremes. He was a black man and a police officer. In the two-week time between Anton Sterling’s shooting and the ambush that took his life, Montrell shared some of his thoughts and feelings in Facebook post that went viral after his death. “I’m tired physically and emotionally. Disappointed in some family, friends and officers for some reckless comments but hey what’s in your heart is in your heart. I still love you all because hate takes too much energy but I definitely won’t be looking at you the same. Thank you to everyone that has reached out to me or my wife it was needed and much appreciated. I swear to God I love this city but I wonder if this city loves me. In uniform I get nasty hateful looks and out of uniform some consider me a threat…”

 “There are those who see humanely and those who don’t in every country and faith community.  Lumping everyone of a particular race, culture, religion or uniform, into a single stereotype is a way of failing to see them as people.” -Anatomy of Peace Book (Italics mine.)

 People on both extremes of this issue, are failing to see each other as people, and inviting more of the very behavior they say they hate.

YOU can be a part of closing this gap:

1. Change starts with the only person you control… You!  Ask yourself,

   “ Am I as vigilant in demanding the eradication of my own bigotry as I am in demanding the eradication of theirs? —ANATOMY OF PEACE BOOK

2. Watch the 10 minute TED Talk below:  Police officers in the most complained upon unit in their department learned how to create positive change.  A change that has resulted in them building community relationships and receiving zero complaints in 6 years, while increasing the effectiveness of their mission in the community.
   If you can’t see this video in your RSS reader or email, then click here.
    

   “ What if protests turned into fundraisers to provide training and support for police officers and communities?

3. Purchase a copy of The Anatomy of Peace Book. This book is the foundation of the training those officers received.  It is a life changing book for almost everyone that reads it.  (Something I continue to witness on our international housing compound and something you can validate by reading the reviews on Amazon.)

Please share: What would you add to this list?

As many of you know, I’m living in a part of the world where many freedoms that I once took for granted – don’t exist.  -Now don’t get me wrong I agreed to move here, to seek first to understand and to learn.  So I’m not complaining.  …But I absolutely must share what I’m learning.

Have you ever considered that…

• In countries where sharing research and opinions puts liberty and lives at risk – citizens are being taught that it is safer not to think
• In countries that allow freedom of speech, traditional journalists have done so much of the work for citizens – that we’ve allowed ourselves to become lazy thinkers
• Dialogue is a way for us to seek truth, gain new perspectives, build relationships, and solve problems
• Dialogue is also a freedom that many take for granted

Not long ago I watched a TED Talk by Margaret Heffernan titled The Dangers of Willful Blindness, in that talk she said,

Freedom doesn’t exist if you don’t use it. 

Within the same 24 hours: I watched several family members and 2 friends, use their freedom to share their political views on Social Media.   Three posts from 3 separate people, that live in 3 different places.

And then watched as some people expressed frustration at another political post, while others leveraged their own freedom to respond.

There was lots of talking, lots of defending and not much listening:

• One discussion ended with threats of no longer doing business together.
• One ended by several people unfriending each other.
• All three sounded hostile, and involved some of the following: name-calling, cursing and passive aggressive behavior.

On the positive side:

One of those discussions eventually turned a bit more positive, as people participating in the discussion took more time to show respect for the values of those they were dialoguing with, and then encouraging them them to read particular articles and think.

Another unrelated discussion started between friends.  And from the very beginning of the discussion most people paused to pay respect to the people they were dialoguing with and then challenged each other’s thoughts with new perspectives and more articles.

Those that are starting a conversation or responding have taken the first step in leveraging their freedom.  

The second step is learning to:

Hear the Biography, not the ideology.  — Agape, via A Free Listening Project

That second step becomes even more critical when you consider the following:

Have you ever read conflicting articles that report the same events with such entirely different perspectives that they don’t sound like the same event?  …And then you aren’t sure what to believe?

This article emphasizes how Social Media has disrupted the truth.

In a biased world that is not fact checked – WE must to learn to listen, research, dialogue and think!!!

Yes it takes time, energy, courage, and humility.

(And to be honest there are times my brain feels it’s been through a blender!)

But thinking will fuel your intellectual growth.

It will help you uncover truth.

It will grow your compassion.

And it will help you solve big issues at a root level instead of a surface level.

You can start by asking this question:

Will you tell me your story?  I’d love to know how you came to this point of view.  -A Free Listening Project

To become even better at dialogue, these are great resources:

1.   How to listen when you disagree.  From A Free Listening Project
2. A TED Talk that encourages us to be a scouts instead of warriors.  
   If you can’t see this video in your RSS reader or email, then click here.

Special thanks to:

•  Tony Vengrove for sharing the article about how Social Media disrupted the truth.
• Erin Schreyer for sharing the article from A Free Listening Project.

Image Credits:

• Vacation photos from Kapama Lodge, in South Africa
• iStock