How badly do you want to know the end of the story?

Have you ever been in the midst of reading a book and just had to look at the last few pages to see how it ends?

Have you ever been at the bookstore and flipped ahead in  the books you are considering, to decide which ending you would prefer to read?

Or do you consistently read the story as it is written:

• Bonding with a character because of the challenges they are facing?
• Cheering for them to come through it all, victoriously?
• Fully experiencing all of the emotions they are feeling?

How about with your own story?

• The water is rising in the midst of a storm – will the house flood?
• That amazing person just asked you out – will you have a future together?
• A loved one just passed away – how will you go on?
• The interview you just had, seemed to go so well – will you get the job?
• Layoffs are happening – If you lose your job, how will you provide?

Are you anxiously trying to look ahead trying see what the next chapter holds?

Wishing you could flip past all hard things?

Trying to make your ideal ending come true?

I ask because my story has me on the edge of something that my heart has been desiring for a very long time. As I anticipate the days ahead, I also find myself pondering the times my story has thrown me some of those unwanted plot twists. Seasons of gut wrenching experiences, drama, change or waiting…

In every case:

• God used those situations to help me become softer, stronger, and wiser.
• I’ve learned beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is faithful.

And when my heart’s desires have finally come, they have been so much sweeter.

I’m not just speaking for myself.  This is true for people that have had their homes flooded, lost spouses and children, and jobs.

If you are in the midst of waiting, unwanted change, or struggle: Be encouraged.

“ Great stories are filled with drama, twists, turns, up and downs.

“ Unwanted plot twists can help you become softer, stronger and wiser.

And as crazy as it may sound, you can experience more peace and ultimately more joy.

Below are 3 Tips for fully experiencing your story as it unfolds:

1. Be thankful even in the midst of unwanted plot twists. (Seriously.) Stop and list at least three things you are thankful for. Do this as often as you need to. Multiple times in an hour, several times a day or once a day. Doing this retrains your brain to stop focusing on everything that is hard and shines a bright light on everything you’ve been blessed with.
2. Make a list of what you are learning. And keep adding to that list long after the struggle ends. You’ll be amazed at the clarity that comes when you are through the struggle.
3. Share your story with others. What did you feel? How did you react? How did you get through it? What did you learn? How have you changed? Everyone struggles with something. Your story has the power to transform your future and the lives of others.

PLEASE SHARE:  What is your story teaching you?

Have you ever:

• Participated in conversations about the behavior of certain titled leaders?
• Expressed frustration at situations that seem corrupt, not in line with core values or unfair?
• Wondered why opportunities to problem solve and improve the future were not taken?

Have you ever spoken these words, “Why doesn’t “someone” do something?”  

When the change you want to see isn’t happening “out there”… 

“ What if, YOU are “the someone” that everyone is waiting for?

Below are 21 Reasons that it might be time for YOU to Take Action:

AT WORK – Do YOU see opportunities to:

1. Decrease silos
2. Increase employee engagement and retention
3. Increase customer satisfaction
4. Reduce expenses
5. Reduce risk
6. Limit layoffs
7. Increase profit

IN YOUR COMMUNITY – Do YOU see opportunities to:

1. Build stronger relationships
2. Work together on a shared vision
3. Increase involvement
4. Communicate more effectively
5. Improve the quality of life
6. Increase safety
7. Create a stronger future

IN YOUR NATION – Do YOU see opportunities to:

1. Increase ownership
2. Improve accountability
3. Improve collaboration
4. Grow trust
5. Decrease inefficiency and waste
6. Improve results
7. Make the vision a reality

If you see any of those opportunities.  If you’ve ever said those words.  Who are you waiting for? 

Yes it takes courage to lead up, but…

“ If not YOU, then WHO? #LeadChange

I am convinced that most of the answers workplaces, communities and nations are seeking today are lying dormant inside of their employees, customer and suppliers. …Just waiting to be discovered and unleashed.

Learn More About Leading Up Here

We’ve all been there…

When our boss hires a friend:

• Then the friend leverages that relationship to charm their way out of responsibility and accountability.

When laws are created for the good of all:

• But certain groups are consistently exempt from the law.

When an executive relocates:

• And thinks company policy does not apply to him.

Inconsistency is unfair and confusing.  It creates stress, erodes trust, increases frustration, wears people out, decreases ownership and limits potential.

On the flip side of that, fairness:

1. Helps people feel heard, seen and considered
2. Tears down walls of self-protection
3. Encourages conversations
4. Increases understanding
5. Builds trust
6. Fuels collaboration
7. Unleashes energy and engagement
8. Creates positive change
9. Builds momentum
10. Maximizes results

A leader I’ve admired for many years received this feedback when he decided to run for a public office, “I have known him a long time and have done business with him on several occasions. I have to say he always treated me fair. I did not always get my way, but he always, treated me fair. …That’s just the way he is and how he does business, fair & square.”

“ That kind of fairness: Positively impacts people, problem solving and growth.

Yet so many leaders fail to cultivate fairness in their organizations.

Patrick Lencioni points out one very important reason why titled leaders often avoid simple but effective solutions:

..Simple solutions usually require discipline and hard work over time, while the sophisticated ones seem like shiny silver bullets, capable of making a problem go away in one innovative shot.

“ Fairness is hard work.

It requires focus, effort, consistency, and humility.

But the impact is worth the effort.

Have you ever made a strategic effort to be consistent, fair and explainable?

If not – why not make it your goal for the New Year?  (2018 will be very different from 2017 if you do!)

Got a Leadership Question – Contact Chery

I recently visited a high school that has invested years teaching their students to be activists.

While that effort alone is impressive.  The uncommon skill they are teaching, and modeling for the students is even more so.

Through instruction and experience, their students are learning that a healthy culture is a balanced culture.  And that in a balanced culture it is possible to think critically and to be compassionate.

They are learning how to shine a bright light on truth with data and personal experiences.  …While getting involved with, and loving people that have made choices they disagree with.

They are engaging people and growing their cause because of their unique approach.  And the impact they are having on the students, families and the community is beyond impressive.

What those students and their families may not realize:

• Is that it is uncommon it is to learn to balance challenging concepts.
• This skill will benefit every part of their lives in the years to come.  (As individuals. with their families, in the businesses and non profits they will serve and within the communities and nation they will live in.)

Now imagine the cultures you are a part of: 

“ Is a balanced culture part of your strategy to improve engagement and growth?

Are Truth and Love strategically poured into the foundation and the future?

Is Vision balanced with Ownership?

• Do you have a vision?
• Does everyone know why it is important? And how they impact the vision?
• Is it clearly and frequently communicated both internally and externally?
• Is that vision used to guide decisions or to decorate walls?
• Are all teams measured on goals that support that vision – or are they forced to fight each other and work against the vision to accomplish their objectives?
• How often do they experience uncommon synergy and results?
• Are all people empowered and unleashed to bring their best to your organization?
• Does everyone listen to and respond to your customers, members or citizens?

Is EVERYONE unleashed to make the greatest difference possible?

When that happens, people at every level take ownership of the opportunities they see and:

• Individuals have more freedom, energy, commitment and growth
• Teams experience greater collaboration, synergy, engagement and results
• Customers are valued, honored, and continually amazed

Is Accountability balanced with Compassion?

Are all wafts of smoke followed to the source and fires are extinguished before they spread?

Do Smoke-Chasers:

• Seek the whole truth about opportunities in the organization?
• Weigh everything against the company vision, mission and values?
• Confront internal barriers that are preventing titled leaders from listening and responding to employees or from communicating & problem solving with peers?
• Balance consistency with fairness in their conversations and decision making?
• Treat people with respect – regardless of their title, personality style or behavior?
• Address inappropriate behavior – “Boss babies” grow up or leave, Manipulators change or go?
• Help their organizations overcome challenges and grow:  Often reducing risk, increasing efficiency and maximizing results without added expense?

Those who build strong balanced cultures are rewarded with uncommon:  

• Engagement: Their people are committed, and energized.
• Growth: Because they’re leveraging the wisdom and passion of many.

Some people and organizations hate conflict.

They fear:

1. Discomfort
2. Disagreements
3. Judgmental words
4. Explosive behavior
5. Relationships struggling or ending

Then they allow that fear to drive their results!

• Some feel victimized by the past and hold so tightly to those emotions that they experience less joy and less productivity.
• Others have rumbling fires of anger burning about present issues. Occasionally smoke seeps out as they vent to those closest to them. As those fires continue to grow everyone is at risk of their eventual eruption.
• Some are unwilling to learn an alternative way of dealing with conflict.
• Others don’t realize there is an alternative.
• And none realize that their choice to wait for the other party to change, is spreading growth-eating bacteria throughout their organization.

“ Unresolved conflict does not go away. —DAVID ROTH

9 Ways that the fear of conflict kills and destroys:

1. The ability to consider the needs of others is replaced with “self” first
2. Comfort zones become more important than the mission
3. Small problems are unaddressed and become big ones
4. New opportunities are avoided
5. Collaboration decreases
6. Energy, engagement and hope fade
7. Growth declines
8. People leave
9. It becomes harder and harder to simply maintain

“ Fear of conflict is a growth-eating bacteria that kills and destroys.

Learning how to engage in healthy conflict:

1. Builds confidence while increasing compassion
2. Keeps the focus on the mission
3. Limits the growth of problems
4. Unleashes opportunities
5. Fosters collaboration
6. Generates energy, engagement and hope
7. Fuels growth
8. Entices people
9. Multiplies possibilities and creates a stronger future

While no single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of a career, a business, a marriage, or a life, any single conversation can.  -Susan Scott

Want to learn how to have healthy conflict?   Check out the resources below:

1. Silos, Politics and Turf Wars
2. The Anatomy of Peace Book
3. Peacemakers Study
4. Fierce Conversations

Want to experience healthy and productive conflict?

A Conversation Safari is a workshop that merges the spirit and adventure of a real safari with an opportunity to dialogue with and learn from those that think differently than you do. …Helping you turn unaligned agendas & conflict into an adventure that fuels problem solving.

Conversation Safari’s are designed to help participants BALANCE the use of their brains AND their hearts. Resulting a dialogue that is fueled by critical thinking AND compassion.

Attendees leave with increased understanding, energy and hope.

Contact Chery to learn more about Conversation Safari’s.  

This is a piece of a puzzle.

-A PIECE of something greater than itself.

This piece is important.

-Without it, the picture is INCOMPLETE.

This piece is filled with critical clues about the WHOLE picture.

-But it will never be able to tell the story alone.

Each piece must be heard.

-But must NOT be the only perspective we consider.

ONE piece emphasizes:

My team

My budget

My knowledge

My experiences

My perspectives

My goals

-ME!

SEVERAL pieces provide more clues:

-But still fail to tell the whole story.

Our corner – Our people

Our side – Our needs

-Are more important than yours.

When ALL the pieces start asking:

Where are we going?

What do you see?

What do you know?

How can we help each other?

The picture becomes clear.

-And each piece becomes WHOLE.

Viktor Frankl survived a concentration camp and said this…

Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.

Post Charlottesville conflict continues to fill the airwaves and cyberspace, encouraging chaos and division.

…So how have you been responding?  Are you:

1. Denying that this conflict is impacting real lives, workplaces and communities?
2. Pushing your perspective on others?
3. Sitting in silence and worrying about it?
4. Studying the issues, and then carrying your candle into the darkness, determined to be a part of the solution?

IF YOU SEEK TO BE A PART OF THE SOLUTION:

The process below will help you fully leverage your freedom, while strategically using both your mind and your heart.

Seek FIRST to UNDERSTAND:

1. Your perception and my perception don’t have to be the same to be real to each one of us.
2. You’re NOT listening to someone if you respond by saying,  “It wasn’t me.” – Or – “Look – they are just as bad.”

“ A wise man will hear and increase learning. -Proverbs

CHOOSE COMPASSION:

Sit with those you don’t understand or agree with and listen. Use your ears and your heart, honoring the experiences that are driving their emotions.

1. How old are they?
2. Where have they lived and traveled?
3. How have they personally experienced hate? – Or – How have they been taught to hate?
4. How many years have they been experiencing hate? – Or – Been focused on hateful propaganda?
5. How long does it take you to forgive intentional hate? – Or – Consider a new perspective?

Now let everything they shared soak in.

Did you hear anything you had not considered before? How has your knowledge, compassion and understanding increased?

THINK CRITICALLY:

Deeply consider current events and historical facts.

1. As you review current publications – Are you reading and considering all sides to a story? Are you mindful of specific examples throughout history – where evil people manipulated violence and death to spin the narrative and control the outcome?  Do you identify false news – especially when it is saying what you want to believe or are you being manipulated?
2. If you are struggling with hate speech – Have you ever considered why we have freedom of speech?  How do you use your freedom of speech? Do you know what it is like to live where speaking what you believe is restricted? Have you studied what has happened in countries where this freedom has been taken away? Can you separate hateful speech from hateful acts?
3. When preserving history is important to you – Will you review how history has been preserved in your community? Is the whole story being told about the imperfect humans from different races that shaped our country? …Or are there better ways to do this?

NOW CHOOSE YOUR RESPONSE:

Don’t be surprised if you learn something that softens your heart, or alters your thinking.  Slightly or significantly.  You are growing.

Your brain is  wired to learn. So whatever you think stirs your emotions. Those emotions then direct your behavior and ultimately create your results.

THEN LOOK FOR LIGHT AND SHARE IT:    

Now focus on discovering and sharing how people are communicating, working together and finding solutions –  by doing so, you are sharing vision, offering hope, and generating more light.

One candle illuminates the darkness.

One person can make a difference.

Be that one.

I have used this process with many divisive issues.  Each time has led to a different result.

• Sometimes I started on an uninformed fence, and ended up with an informed opinion.
• Other times, I started in one place, and ended in another.
• And in other situations, my heart has softened greatly toward those that hold a different opinion, even though my mind still holds many of my original views.

If you decide to continue reading below, I will share where this issue has taken me.  

My objective is NOT for you to agree with me.  Instead I want to: 

• Emphasize the importance of leveraging our uncommon freedom – to listen, think, speak, collaborate, learn and problem solve.
• Spotlight the wisdom that comes from strategically balancing the use of both your heart and your brain when these issues arise.

 I’d love to hear from you as you work this process: Where did you start? What are you learning? How are you sharing those learning’s with others?

When New Orleans considered removing Confederate statues:

• I thought of the way the Nazis controlled what people learned – so that they could manipulate what people thought and how they would respond.  As a result, my immediate reaction was that we can’t learn from erased and sanitized history – therefore it would be dangerous and unwise to remove statues.

MY HISTORICAL FILTERS:

I was raised in a state that is 90% white and although I was not surrounded by diversity, I was taught to love my neighbor as myself.

As a child I raged about slavery and racism – but viewed it all as historical.  Almost as if someone had waved a magic wand and suddenly racism disappeared.  (Not at all logical, but what my heart wanted to believe.)

SEEKING FIRST TO UNDERSTAND and CHOOSING COMPASSION:

As an adult I moved to a southern state, and new friends helped me understand that when they were children it was illegal for them to:

1. Use a toilet or to drink from a fountain for white people
2. Eat in particular restaurants and limited seating in other restaurants
3. Attend school with white children
4. Marry a white person
5. Vote

LEARNING: My friends have scars from years of their lives – living what I have only imagined.

A few years later I moved to another southern state and discovered that one of my black friends was afraid to go to a neighboring city in the daylight because the KKK is still terrorizing people there. A few weeks later, a white friend shared that when he moved to the area from another state that he had invited black friends to his home and the KKK warned him not to do it again.

LEARNING: Some of my friends are still living – what I have only imagined.  

Most recently, I spent 4 years living overseas. During that time I lived near and worked with people from more than 50 nations in our world. And deeply treasured our conversations, sharing food, traditions, and learning about each other.

Although most of my experiences were filled with great love and are deeply cherished, I consistently witnessed people from one nation bullying and manipulating people from multiple nations, races and religions.  In each of those moments, I was faced with the choice to believe that every single person from that nation is evil, or to look for the good. I chose the latter. At first I was only able to count 5% of the people I knew from that nation as compassionate, caring and trustworthy. With focused effort that percentage increased to 25%.

LEARNING: If the majority the interactions I had with people of a particular race, nationality or uniform throughout my entire lifetime were negative – Could I still make the hard choice to continue to look for the ones that aren’t like that? Or would I be even a little bit tempted to make the easy assumption that all of them are bad?

THINKING CRITICALLY:

As I explored all sides of this issue I was greatly influenced by a speech given by Mitch Landrieu, the Mayor of New Orleans about why he was removing the statues. It is important to note that I didn’t expect Mitch’s speech to impact my thinking.  I thought he would offer some lame excuse for removing the statues. But his logic resonated. This is some of what he said…

New Orleans is truly a city of many nations, a melting pot, a bubbling caldron of many cultures. There is no other place quite like it in the world that so eloquently exemplifies the uniquely American motto: e pluribus unum — out of many we are one. But there are also other truths about our city that we must confront. New Orleans was America’s largest slave market: a port where hundreds of thousands of souls were bought, sold and shipped up the Mississippi River to lives of forced labor of misery of rape, of torture. America was the place where nearly 4000 of our fellow citizens were lynched, 540 alone in Louisiana; where the courts enshrined ‘separate but equal’; where Freedom riders coming to New Orleans were beaten to a bloody pulp. So when people say to me that the monuments in question are history, well what I just described is real history as well, and it is the searing truth.

And it immediately begs the questions, why there are no slave ship monuments, no prominent markers on public land to remember the lynchings or the slave blocks; nothing to remember this long chapter of our lives; the pain, the sacrifice, the shame… all of it happening on the soil of New Orleans. So for those self-appointed defenders of history and the monuments, they are eerily silent on what amounts to this historical malfeasance, a lie by omission. There is a difference between remembrance of history and reverence of it.

For America and New Orleans, it has been a long, winding road, marked by great tragedy and great triumph. But we cannot be afraid of our truth. As President George W. Bush said at the dedication ceremony for the National Museum of African American History & Culture, “A great nation does not hide its history. It faces its flaws and corrects them.

…Consider these monuments from the perspective of an African American mother or father trying to explain to their fifth grade daughter who Robert E. Lee is and why he stands atop of our beautiful city. Can you do it? Can you look into that young girl’s eyes and convince her that Robert E. Lee is there to encourage her? Do you think she will feel inspired and hopeful by that story? Do these monuments help her see a future with limitless potential? Have you ever thought that if her potential is limited, yours and mine are too? We all know the answer to these very simple questions. When you look into this child’s eyes is the moment when the searing truth comes into focus for us.”

As I pondered his comments, I thought about Holocaust Museums that include the star that every Jew had to wear and Nazi uniforms, flags, and propaganda that helped Hitler promote his agenda. None of it is sanitized, but it is placed in context so we can all learn from it without honoring evil.

Further reading uncovered additional perspectives that have provided more food for thought:

1. Thomas Tappan Thompson the designer of the Confederate flag wrote several editorials about his design,  “As a people, we are fighting to maintain the Heaven-ordained supremacy of the white man over the inferior or colored race; a white flag would thus be emblematical of our cause.”
2. General Robert E. Lee actively discouraged memorializing the confederacy, “I think it wiser,” the retired military leader wrote about a proposed Gettysburg memorial in 1869, “…not to keep open the sores of war but to follow the examples of those nations who endeavored to obliterate the marks of civil strife, to commit to oblivion the feelings engendered.”
3. In Germany there are no statues to honor Nazi leaders and it is illegal to fly the Nazi flag unless it is for historical or film purposes.

CHOOSING MY RESPONSE:

People matter: Red, yellow, black or white. ALL are created by God and precious in His sight. ALL are my neighbors. And ALL make our world richer. Racism and hate don’t belong our multi-cultural country or in our world. So I will stand against it will every cell in my body.

The whole truth matters: There is a way to tell the story of strategic minds, and people who fought causes that they believed were honorable – while emphasizing that it is a failed caused, and that the oppression of others is evil. That story gets richer and more valuable when we are equally devoted to sharing the stories of those that were oppressed, those that fought for freedom, and how all cultures and races impacted our nation.

We can do better.

“ Solutions are found when we seek the whole truth and love.

Image Credits:  Fotolia, iStock

“ Bridge builders close gaps between people and purpose.

Bridge Builders listen to the perspectives of others, instead of fearing their knowledge, experiences and convictions.

With vision, respect and wisdom they connect:

• Front lines and executives
• Teams across silos
• Customers and the organizations that serve them
• Individuals
• Communities
• Nations

As a result, productive conversations across races, religions, and even cultural and political differences are possible.

Bridge Builders:

1. See people not labels
2. Step into the tension between what is, and what could be
3. Explore instead of interrogating
4. Listen to what is NOT being said, as much as what IS being said
5. Recognize pain points
6. Teach truth seeking and critical thinking
7. Increase compassion and understanding
8. Emphasize common ground
9. Encourage collaboration
10. Facilitate problem solving

When a bridge is built:

• People collaborate instead of blocking progress
• Solutions are found
• Healing begins
• Hope is restored
• Growth happens
• Synergy is unleashed
• More bridges are constructed

Our families, workplaces and world need more bridge builders.

If you’d like to make a greater difference, follow the links below to learn more about building bridges with those around you:

• Your boss
• Executives
• Employees
• Peers
• Customers
• A very diverse group of people and opposing views
• A family member that thinks differently
• A new contact who thinks differently
• A complete stranger who thinks differently

Please share:  How has a bridge builder helped you to consider another perspective?  How has that new perspective changed your thinking, your behavior, or your results?

I recently went into a store to pick up an order for someone else. When I arrived, I asked for the supervisor of that department by name. She was gone for the day, so a teenager tried to assist me and I proceeded to ask for the order by name and then by description.

The teen was was unaware of the order and asked her two coworkers for help. (Both of them were in their late 50’s.)

Her coworkers just shrugged, said they didn’t know anything and walked away.

“ Is the generational diversity of your employees impacting your customers?

So the teenager looked everywhere she could think of, and then asked one of her coworkers for help again.

The elder woman snapped at her and walked away again.

The teenager’s voice quivered a bit but she stayed in the game and said, “I don’t know where to look or how to help the customer, you have been here longer than any of us, so you should know the most. I need your help.”

“ Great service people own the problem and involve others, until a solution is found.

I was in awe. It was clear that the teen was frustrated. Heck, I was frustrated with her. But she didn’t give up. She didn’t get nasty. She gritted up, got the help she needed, and I left a few minutes later with the order.

Popular perceptions often indicate that younger generations are the cause of teamwork issues in the workplace.

“ Blaming the generational gap for workplace issues won’t make your company healthier.

What if they are symptoms of a greater opportunity?

Taking the time to understand root causes and doing something about them will help the team experience less frustration, serve customers more effectively and generate higher profits.

Below are 6 places to start:

1. Employee retention:  Is this a daily experience for the teen and if so, how long will she stay in this role?
2. Historical behavior of the teens:  How often have the other teens in the store taken this kind of ownership or do many of them live up to the perception that teens are irresponsible, disrespectful and immature?
3. Historical behavior of the oldest generation: How often have the more mature and experienced members of the staff acted like roadblocks instead of being mentors?
4. Vision:  Has management ever brought the team together and emphasized the value of their diversity as a team? (*See below.)
5. Training and development:  What kind of customer service and teamwork training has titled leadership provided to the staff?
6. Communication and accountability:  Have processes ever been put in place that keep both the team and management informed?  Are those processes used?  How are those processes evaluated?

If you were leading this team what would you do?

* In a recent article about diversity LaRae Quy stated that, “Research has shown that it is a good idea to highlight differences because this tends to make those differences be taken seriously by all members of the team. These were the teams that came up with better ideas than homogenous teams. But, only when they were told to listen to, and respect, the perspectives of their teammates.”

Since our return home from Saudi Arabia, (A place I once feared and had zero desire to move to.)  I have been facilitating a series of workshops for students – sharing what day-to-day life was like while emphasizing critical life, leadership and people skills that they will need throughout their lives.

In each workshop students are given a visual of a natural process that will happen the rest of their lives – as they decide if they have the courage to leave their comfort zones or the grit to survive when life hands them circumstances they can’t control.

“ Learning to embrace life outside your comfort zone is a critical skill.

Some of the questions I’ve been asked about Saudi are worth sharing:

What was the best part?

• Living in an International Compound: Sharing life, friendship, and food with people from more than 50 nations and learning from them.
• Riding motorcycle with men and women from all over the world and getting to experience parts of Saudi that many expats don’t get to enjoy. (Yes – My motorcycle jacket had ½ of an abaya attached to it and could be rolled up when I was on the bike and rolled down when I was off the bike. Allowing me to be respectful and safe while enjoying time on the bike with my husband.)
• Vacationing in 11 countries besides Saudi and Bahrain in the 4 years we were there.

What was the hardest thing for you?

In order to say yes to living there I adjusted my expectations – intentionally trying not to expect things that I would expect at home. Most of the time that plan worked. Although, I never appreciated things that made life less clear, fair and efficient – I didn’t ride big waves of frustration.  There were two big exceptions in the four years that we were there:

• The first time was when there were bombings at mosques in cities near us three weekends in a row. The company we worked for hosted a security meeting and I expected that they would recommend a security protocol for our housing compound. The company did not have any of their own staff present – sending only their subcontracted security firm – who would not provide that information without the company’s approval. So we received none of the information I expected to receive, the entire meeting felt like a giant placebo and a waste of time. And I really struggled to find a new perspective and reset my expectations.
• The second time was this past summer when thousands of people – many who are dear friends – had their homes flooded in Louisiana.  I shared links on my Facebook page so that people could donate and support them. Not long before that, a man had been arrested and was serving time in a neighboring and much more liberal country for doing something similar. As a result, some of my neighbors in the sandbox strongly encouraged me to take my post down. As they shared their concerns, I remembered a few other situations in our location so I did as they suggested.  But I raged against the lack of clarity and the inconsistencies that caused this confusion and the need to even consider the possibility of removing the post.  Especially when my biggest desire was to support friends in need and the organizations I was recommending were vetted and trusted.

What was the biggest lesson?

• In order to embrace our unwanted change I learned to used both my brain and my heart in balance.  Constantly seeking truth instead of urban legends and choosing love over fear.
• As I watched the news while we lived in the sandbox, I noticed that in nearly every divisive issue in our world –  we are pushed to choose one of two sides: Total Acceptance OR Fear.
• We were all given a Brain AND a Heart. When we intentionally BALANCE the use of both we discover a third option -that leads to wiser and more compassionate decisions and healthier relationships, workplaces, communities, and nations.

Are you glad you are home?

Yes.  I miss the people we came to know and love and I am so thankful for our time there.  At the same time I am savoring life here in a new way:

• I fight tears when I sit in a church building – free to worship as I please.
• I giggle like a schoolgirl when I drive my car.
• And I am intentionally leveraging my freedom of speech at a higher level – hoping to encourage others to utilize this extraordinary freedom at a higher level and increase our ability to dialogue with and learn from each other.

 Did your values change?

• My values stayed the same, but they become deeper and stronger.
• My vision for helping people, workplaces, communities, nations and our world – grew significantly.

Would you go again?

• If we had it to do all over again – we would absolutely say yes!
• We learned more about geography, world history, different cultures, different foods, and different beliefs.
• We made amazing lifelong friends from all across the world. Which means we are more attentive to world news – deeply considering how it impacts people we know and love and the nations they call home.

What personal experiences will you cherish forever?

Life in the sandbox inspired me to try to make connections with Saudi ladies when I was out of our compound:

• Most of them covered their faces with only their eyes showing.
• I loved smiling at them and greeting them, and  recognizing when they were smiling in return by the way that their eyes lit up and crinkled.

On more than one occasion I sat on a bench and smiled at a woman next to me and greeted her in Arabic.  Each time:

• There was an instant warmth.
• A conversation – in spite of language barriers.
• I was offered some of whatever they were snacking on.
• And as soon as there were no men in the area, each one voluntarily lifted the cloth that covered her face.
• Brilliant, beautiful unexpected connections that make my heart overflow.

No matter where you live: You can choose to leave your comfort zone, use your brain AND your heart and reach out to others:

• Age doesn’t matter
• Race doesn’t matter
• Religion doesn’t matter
• Uniform doesn’t matter

“ The state of your heart matters… Be the change you want to see!

Looking for a speaker or a facilitator for your next event?  

Beyond learning about the day-to-day realities of life in Saudi that aren’t fairly or fully captured in movies or the news – Experiences and learning’s from Saudi can be leveraged to help:

1. People work through divisive current events
2. Students, adults and organizations develop critical life, leadership and people skills
3. Followers of Jesus to find Biblical responses to the news and division in our world

View Speaking Testimonials Here

Image Credit:  Pixabay