As we began working on the Character-Based Leader book, I dug deep to see if I could identify what had originally ignited the passion I have for character-based leadership. As I reviewed years of memories, I continually found examples that that evidenced my passion for others, almost as if it had always been there. So I dug deeper, determined to find the root. When I found it, I realized that my vision for character-based leadership stems from a very self-centered decision I made in elementary school…
When I was in first grade there was a girl in my class with messy hair and old clothes who was noticeably “different” than everyone else.
One day during recess several of the other girls in the class, me included, were awful to her. We made fun of her so someone else could feel big, and we did it because we were afraid of being made fun of too. Even while we did it, I did not feel good.
When I found out later that she had a crippled sister who was in and out of hospitals and that for some reason both girls were being raised by their grandparents who were doing the very best they could to care for those girls, I was heartbroken. I had been not just a mean girl, I had not just caused a little pain, I had actually increased pain for someone that was already dealing with more than I could imagine.
That moment became a transformational lesson that increased my understanding and compassion for others. It gave me a reason to change my behavior.
…We became friends, spending time at each other’s homes, and together at school. For Christmas that year, those two sisters made me a snowman ornament out of gumdrops.
Today more than 30 years have passed, that gumdrop snowman is worn and not very attractive but it sits on my desk to remind me to look deeper and to SEE people for WHO they are, not just at how they appear.
How about you?
- Are you passionate about character-based leadership?
- Is there one particular event in your life that changed your view of the world?
- How has that event impacted your leadership?
Please share your thoughts!
Prefer to hear Chery tell the story? Listen here.
Related articles:
- Diamonds in the rough: How to recognize your star employees.
- Standing in the face of harsh reality by Teri Aulph.
- Identity – the story of me by Kelli McCloud – Schingen
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Chery Gegelman is one of 21 author’s from 3 countries that connected virtually and discovered a shared passion that has resulted in a new book:
The Character-Based Leader: Instigating a leadership revolution… One person at a time.
This book encourages people everywhere to lead from WHO they are not WHERE they sit.
“Do what you can, with what you have, right where you are.” Theodore Roosevelt
“With great power, comes great responsibility.” Stan Lee, Franklin D Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, Voltaire
Chery, as always, you touch my heart with your honesty and depth of sensitivity. I was always the kid who was picked on; the “odd duck,” not even certain what was “wrong” with me that the other kids didn’t like me. As I grew older, it was simply that my life experiences had matured me more quickly than theirs had them. But it was a hard lesson to learn.
I was blessed to have two teachers who recognized my talents and gifts, and who provided outlets for me to grow and develop in environments where I wasn’t only accepted, but encouraged. One taught me the importance of expressing myself creatively; in that instance, through music, acting, and the church. The other taught me the importance of knowing myself, understanding the circumstances around me and identifying which ones I truly had ownership of, and which ones I didn’t.
It was the latter teacher who sparked the interest in leadership for me. He always stood up for what he believed was right, even when it went against the grain. He was the only teacher in school who insisted on being called by his surname, rather than allowing students the freedom to use his first name. When he finally bestowed that honor on me when I was in college, it was a true gift.
He also wore a coat and tie to school everyday, when the other teachers often wore jeans and a shirt.
He set a standard in order to be a role model, yes. But more importantly, he set that standard because he understood (and taught me the lesson) that we stretch to meet the expectations of us. When expectations are low, there’s no need to make an effort. Yet, when expectations are high, we strive to excel. Every one (children included) needs someone who has high (not unreasonable) expectations of them, so that they can learn that they are capable of more than they might think.
This teacher did that for me, and it was the first example of character-based leadership that I ever saw demonstrated and lived out before me day-in and day-out. I can’t wait to send him a copy of our book! 🙂
Thanks for sharing Tara!
…Both the journey through the pain, and the stories of the people that inspired you and made a difference for you!
Until I read your story Chery I had not thought back so far to identify the “root” of my personal journey in aspiring to be a Character-Based Leader. You reminded me that I too had a moment and it was fairly similar. I was in first grade and there was only one fat girl in my class. She also smelled pretty bad. A perfect target for kids to direct negative attention. I felt bad for her given how badly she was treated and it was clear she had no friends so I decided to become her friend. What I didn’t expect to happen was how the kids in the class turned their attacks onto me as well. I remember being so confused by that? I had no idea the moment I decided to be kind that I was opening myself up for ridicule as well simply because of my association. She and I really had nothing in common. I didn’t really want to hang out with her. I just didn’t want people to be mean to her and it hurt me deeply to see someone so sad and lonely. I had already made a decision that I would never be intentionally mean to anyone. But for the entire year (and beyond I suspect) I tried to figure out whether not being mean was really enough? At that age I had brought so much negative energy onto myself – it was so painful. It was so tempting to jump on the band wagon so I could get them to stop antagonizing me but I knew that was wrong. I was so hurt because I thought they were my friends. I found more questions than answers that year, but thanks to your post I can see it really was the beginning of my inquiry of what it means to lead with character. Thank you so much for sharing your story Chery! It is an honor and a privilege to be a part of this book with you and to have begin to share with you this very personal journey.
Susan,
Thank you so much for sharing your journey as well. It is amazing that both of us had first-grade experiences! …My husband and I don’t have children, however, the older I get the more I realize how much I was influenced by childhood experiences. (Literally EVERY part of my decision to start Giana Consulting, can be traced through elementary school. Faith, family, friendships, music, painful lessons, and joy-filled experiences…)
Honored to be a Co-author with you too!
Hugs to you my friend!
Chery