I am not a mother.  However, as Mother’s Day approached this year, I thought of multiple conversations I’ve had with mothers over the past few years.

• Conversations with new mothers that are in the midst of raising little children and have no time for themselves.
• Conversations with stay at home mothers that feel like they are frequently treated as if they are less intelligent, less creative, or have less to contribute to our world because they don’t have a full-time job outside of the home.
• Conversations with mothers in blended families, as they work to be peacemakers that are consistent, fair and explainable in all they do.
• Conversations with mothers that are a guiding light when their families go through trememdous change.
• Conversations with mothers that haverecently lost a child.
• Conversations with mothers that are raising children with cognitive challenges, health issues, mental health challenges…

As I think about the mothers and grandmothers I admire, these traits float to the top:

• Humility:  Ability to laugh at themselves.  Willing to tell stories about their own mistakes and heartaches to help those they love.  Admit when they are wrong.  Willing to do  not so glamorous work, and risk never receiving a word of gratitude in return.
• Commitment:  Practice tough love.  Practice amazing grace.  Practice forgiveness.  And never, never, never give up on their children.
• Priorities: Actively involved in the lives of their children.  Never misses a special occasion even if miles divide them from loved ones.  Clears tables of breakable decorations and replaces them with stuffed animals so grandchildren can explore freely.  Clears schedules at the drop of a hat to care for grandchildren.
• Strategic, Organized, Effective: Strategic in the types of experiences they want to give their children and dedicated to running their homes with so much efficiency and effectiveness that our nation should take lessons from them.

As I pondered the vision, commitment and sacrifices of mothers I reached out to friends and asked them to share their thoughts about mothers…

Drew is married to Kim and consistently posts loving comments about his wife on social media.  This is what Drew had to say about mothers, “They are devoted & dedicated to tirelessly serving their family. They demonstrate compassion and unconditional love for their children. They would gladly lay down their life for their kids. “No”, or “I can’t” does not exist in their vocabulary.”

Alli is a senior in high school and will graduate this week.  As her family prepares to honor her accomplishments, she had this to say about her mom Jennifer, “Something I was always amazed with was while she was a youth leader and Sunday school teacher how she was able to get down on our level and have fun but still be a leader and teach us about faith at the same time. When she was focusing on ministering to girls she won the girls over in our class surprisingly fast just by being an adult who showed that she truly cared about their well being and their faith.”

Erin is the mother of Evan and Ella.  I consistently admire her strategy, her creativity and her love for her children.  Last summer she instituted The Peaceful Project in their home to teach the children the importance of caring for and collaborating with each other.  This is what Erin had to say…

“I think one of the most important jobs as a mother is to be engaged enough to notice strengths. It’s NOT about US and our “glory days” re-lived through our kids. We need to be aware of how God made them, and we need to nurture their strengths and help them to follow their dreams.

I also think we can learn SO much from listening to our kids. I know mine keep me grounded and totally authentic. They won’t accept anything else!! And, their hearts are so pure at their ages. I always gain from listening to their perspectives and from allowing them to challenge me.

Parents also have to provide guidance and allow for failure. We need to give our kids enough perspective and helpful guidance, but allow them to do the work and experience the lessons that come with less-than-perfection.

More than anything, parenting -like leadership – is all about the relationships and positive impact. I refer back to my very favorite leadership quote, which SO applies…

Leadership is not magnetic personality – that can just as well be a glib tongue.
It is not “making friends and influencing people” – that is flattery.
Leadership is lifting a person’s vision to higher sights,
the raising of a person’s performance to a higher standard,
the building of a personality beyond its normal limitations.  ~ Peter F. Drucker”

Duane is marred to Elizabeth.  After years of trying to have children of their own they adopted Ayana.  Duane’s comments honor both his mother and Elizabeth.  (So much of what he shared about them shines a light on the strengths and dedication of my own mother Laurel.)    

“Apart from being a fantastic nurturer, the area where my mom stood out as a leader was in her ability to raise a family on a very tight budget. My Dad’s starting pay at the university was low as he worked on his advanced degrees, so my mom had to get creative. She picked up skills so that she could run a variety of part-time home businesses to help earn the small amount of extra income we needed. She did everything from making and selling decorative baskets, to wallpaper hanging, to selling plants. She also helped our family save money by planting and maintaining a huge garden and helping to run a small farm that supplied most of our food, and sewing clothes for the family. Much of these skills were self-taught. Through all this she taught us how to be creative, thrifty, independent, and self-sufficient. More often than not we were expected to work right along side her.

Elizabeth is incredible in her own way. She, too, finds great joy in being thrifty and creative with things like shopping, cooking, and home decorating – not out of necessity but because they’re admirable qualities. But where she really shines as a mother to our daughter is in how intentional she is about mothering. Long before we welcomed our daughter into our home Elizabeth had read multiple books on things like sleep training and parenting techniques. She wasn’t content with accepting the advice of the first person that came along, but rather put in the effort of finding and analyzing what all is out there before consulting with me and choosing a strategy. As a result she is probably the most prepared mother I know. She knows exactly what to expect in our daughter as she grows and develops, long before Ayana reaches a given developmental milestone. Elizabeth is patient, consistent, and intentional with her, and treats her job as a stay-at-home mom just like a career. As a result of her seemingly tireless teaching, focused playing, and constant communicating with Ayana, we already have a successful, well-rounded, developed, content, and happy child. Ayana is blessed to have her as a mom, and I’m blessed to have her as a wife.”

How about you?  How has your mother, grandmother, wife, sister, aunt or friend made a positive impact as a mother?  

Additional posts you may be interested in.  

• Honoring mothers on Mother’s Day…
• A nearly 90 year-old grandmother that is stil giving…
• Women mentoring others…

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