Once upon a time, I worked with someone that had some great skills even though they made a lot of choices that I didn’t like, respect or trust. (This person was smart, witty, and could be really fun, but repeatedly lied and manipulated and bullied others to get what they wanted.)
Years after we worked together, that person sent me an invitation to connect on LinkedIn.
- If some time had not passed, I would have declined it instantly and been filled with tons of negative emotions as I did it.
But grace had changed my heart and in spite of all of the behaviors that I disagreed with I had learned to:
- Pray for them.
- Recognize their humanity.
- Ache for them, knowing some personal challenges they were dealing with.
- Appreciate their strengths.
- And even enjoy their personality.
And yet, in spite of the changes in my heart, I still had no reason to trust them.
- My gut kicked when I tried to imagine this person being truthful about much of anything.
- I knew my network had significant value to them and my gut said that was the real reason for the invitation.
- And when I tried to imagine them valuing the people or the relationships in that network, my gut responded again emphasizing that they were just a means to an end.
So after much thought and prayer I decided that although there are things I would be willing to do for them, this was not one of them.
And I declined the invitation.
Some recent events jogged that memory out of my mental database and this quote from Stephen M.R. Covey keeps running through my mind…
“There is one thing that is common to every individual, relationship, team, family, organization, nation, economy and civilization throughout the world – one thing which, if removed will destroy the most powerful government, the most successful business, the most thriving economy, the most influential leadership, the greatest friendship, the strongest character, the deepest love.
On the other hand, if developed and leveraged that one thing has the potential to create unparalleled success and prosperity in every dimension of life. Yet it is the least understood, most neglected and most underestimated possibility of our time.
That one thing is trust.”
Please share:
- [Tweet “Have you ever created a boundary in a relationship because of a trust issue?”]
- Have you ever juggled the desire to offer grace and kept a boundary in place at the same time?
- How do you cultivate trust with others?
Image Credits: iStock
My wife had chided me a bit at times because she believes I sometimes put up with way more from people than I should. Truth is, she’s probably right. As much as I sometimes want to hold someone to the fire for the past behavior, there always seems to be this grace side of me that wins out and offers them another chance to do right. Consequently, I’ve been burned by some people many more times than was probably necessary.
I believe very strongly that there does need to be those lines that we do not allow people to cross, for our own well being and sometimes for the well being of those we love. There are, unfortunately, some people who can just be toxic, manipulative and even abusive to us if we don’t set in place certain boundaries. But as I said, personally, I probably let people push my boundaries too far most of the time. It’s different where it comes to those I love though. I become very protective in those situations but for myself, I seem to have this thing in me that wants so much to help people find the good in themselves, that I will often put up with way more than I should.
Honestly, it’s hard to find the balance. We have a God of second chances. Heck, it’s the name of my ministry and it’s something I believe in very deeply because I know that we are called to forgive one another and even to put up with one another, but even God expects genuine repentance and there does come a time when we have to discern whether or not there exists a genuine desire for change and as you point out, that certainly can and does come down to a question of trust.