Search Results for: comfort zones

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9 Ways that the Fear of Conflict Kills and Destroys

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Some people and organizations hate conflict.

They fear:

  1. Discomfort
  2. Disagreements
  3. Judgmental words
  4. Explosive behavior
  5. Relationships struggling or ending

Then they allow that fear to drive their results!

  • Some feel victimized by the past and hold so tightly to those emotions that they experience less joy and less productivity.
  • Others have rumbling fires of anger burning about present issues. Occasionally smoke seeps out as they vent to those closest to them. As those fires continue to grow everyone is at risk of their eventual eruption.
  • Some are unwilling to learn an alternative way of dealing with conflict.
  • Others don’t realize there is an alternative.
  • And none realize that their choice to wait for the other party to change, is spreading growth-eating bacteria throughout their organization.
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Reasons for HOPE: Beyond the Great Divides that Separate Us

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In business, families, faith-based organizations and communities I’ve continuously witnessed the power of these words:

Together WE STAND. Divided WE FALL.

Prior to moving to Saudi Arabia, my focus on divisive current events was growing. …As was my determination to find ways to bring people together to find solutions.

So I began sharing this dream with others:Think about issues that divide us

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4 Years in Saudi Arabia: Living, Learning and Growing

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Life begins at the end of YOUR comfort zone. YOU decide. Are YOU living or dying-Since our return home from Saudi Arabia, (A place I once feared and had zero desire to move to.)  I have been facilitating a series of workshops for students – sharing what day-to-day life was like while emphasizing critical life, leadership and people skills that they will need throughout their lives.

In each workshop students are given a visual of a natural process that will happen the rest of their lives – as they decide if they have the courage to leave their comfort zones or the grit to survive when life hands them circumstances they can’t control.

Some of the questions I’ve been asked about Saudi are worth sharing:

What was the best part?

  • Living in an International Compound: Sharing life, friendship, and food with people from more than 50 nations and learning from them.
  • Riding motorcycle with men and women from all over the world and getting to experience parts of Saudi that many expats don’t get to enjoy. (Yes – My motorcycle jacket had ½ of an abaya attached to it and could be rolled up when I was on the bike and rolled down when I was off the bike. Allowing me to be respectful and safe while enjoying time on the bike with my husband.)
  • Vacationing in 11 countries besides Saudi and Bahrain in the 4 years we were there.

What was the hardest thing for you?

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In a divided world: We have more than two choices

The third option requires our brains AND our hearts

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Have you ever had a small child run to you in fear?  (Of the boogeyman under the bed, the barking dog, or the crack of thunder?)

How do you respond?

Do you ignore them?  Do you dismiss them?  Do you call them boogey-phobic, dog-phobic, or noise-phobic?  Do you make fun of them?  Or do you shine a light under the bed and explain why they are safe?  Take them to meet the neighbor’s dog and see that he is friendly?  Or explain how thunder works?

Have you been a titled leader in a business and heard employees expressing concerns about fairness or potential layoffs?

How have you responded?

Do you get defensive and angry that they dare to question you?  Do you blow off their concerns?  Do you talk down to them?  Or do you hear them and respond with understanding, compassion and honesty?

communication, discussion, dialogueHave you watched divisive current events and taken a side?  And then heard from a family member, friend, coworker or neighbor that has taken the other side?

How have you been responding?

Are you ignoring them?  Unfriending them?  Labeling them?  Shouting at them?  Making fun of them?  Or are you seeking first to understand what is driving them?

Great parents, leaders and friends – listen to questions and fears without anger or labels, or a dismissive attitude.  They seek to understand, and then shine a light under the bed and address real and imagined concerns.  They are honest about real challenges and about their commitment to their people.  

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An uncommon alternative, when current events make you angry and fearful

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On November 15th, twenty-eight women from a variety of races, nations and religions gathered together for a Conversation Safari.  The plan was to dive into divisive current events and the fears that drive our emotions, our behaviors and our results.

Our topic had been planned for months based on several private conversations:

  • I’d had with a Muslim neighbor
  • And several different conversations I’d had with ladies that will always have a better tan than I do

In each of those private conversations we shared fears, we felt each other’s pain, and considered new perspectives.

(The date of our event had been chosen because of some scheduling conflicts, not because of a master strategy.  But when November 9th rolled around and the election results from the U.S. hit the airwaves – fear in across the world and in the expat sandbox grew.  Our topic could not have been more perfectly timed.)

  • One of the women I had met with during the summer shared what was happening at the University that her son attends in the U.S.
  • Other neighbors were posting deep concern for their safety in the world
  • While other friends in the U.S. were sharing deep concerns about racism and bigotry