I DARE YOU: To Be The Change YOU Want To See

Yesterday morning I had a conversation with a close friend who is very angry about a couple of situations in her life.  As we spoke I was reminded of something I learned years ago…

Think about that for a minute.  If you have been deeply hurt and never been given the opportunity to be really heard and understood, it is naturally tempting become angrier and to begin to think and talk and act like a victim.  If you give into that temptation, it becomes even more tempting to consistently look for new evidence to support your anger.

There is so much at stake if you give in:

  1. Anger Grows
  2. Anger Consumes
  3. Anger Assumes The Worst
  4. Anger Breeds Negativity
  5. Anger Saps Joy
  6. Anger Kills Peace
  7. Anger Threatens Your Health
  8. Anger Alienates and Divides

Worst of All:  Anger Spreads and Infects Others

If you live your entire life believing you are a powerless victim, that no one listens to you, no one respects you, and that everyone is out to get you…  Your children and grandchildren will begin to believe the same thing.  And they will learn to think and act from a place of anger and judgment first.

  • They may never have had your experience.
  • But they will take on your baggage.
  • And their reaction to their circumstances will make it difficult for them to be heard and understood.
  • Which will validate their belief in your belief.
  • Causing their anger and the victim thinking to grow.
  • And the cycle will continue to repeat itself and grow in size from one generation to another.
  • Causing division in their relationships, their homes, their communities, their workplaces and in our world.

…Until SOMEONE chooses to break it….

No matter where you sit right now – As the person who is angry about specific circumstances in your life.  As the person who has seen this behavior modeled so long that you’ve assumed the baggage.  Or as the person who has just encountered someone who is angry.

As the person who has been victimized: it is natural to feel hurt and to feel anger.  And then YOU have an opportunity to make an uncommonly wise choice to break the cycle before it starts by walking into that pain, acknowledging all of the hurt, and earnestly beginning the process of forgiving and healing.  (Big emphasis that this is a process not an event!)

As the person who took on someone else’s baggage:  YOU have the opportunity to see it for what it is.  To intentionally learn new ways to handle struggles in your own life and to break that cycle instead of passing it on!

If you are the person who comes in contact with someone who is angry: It can be so tempting to walk away – because it’s hard, and it’s messy and you don’t want to get involved.  However if YOU immediately recognize that anger is a cover for pain and instead of dismissing it, YOU seek first to understand and listen more intently… There is a very good chance that by listening you will gain wisdom, insight, or a different perspective that may cause you to change a few things too!  (Yes at some point they will make the choice to live as a victim or a victor, but chances are that they need your love and understanding to start the journey!)

I DARE YOU:  To Be The Change YOU Want To SEE!!!  Will YOU do it?   

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Photo Credit:  iStockPhoto

President, Giana Consulting

Chery Gegelman is an adventurer that loves to learn. ...Deep conversations, books, travel, and daily living are all food for growth.

As a speaker, facilitator and workshop leader she creates energizing environments that reflect God's grace, tear down walls, help people to consider new perspectives, and inspire change.

Chery is the Founder of Giana Consulting and Conversation Safari's, listed as a Great Leadership Speaker by Inc., writes a recognized leadership blog and has co-authored two leadership books.

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12 thoughts on “I DARE YOU: To Be The Change YOU Want To See

    • Kimunya – Thank you so much for sharing your link! It is a perfect compliment to this post! …I completely agree that home is the ideal breeding ground for great leaders!

  1. Thanks, Chery. This is a very timely piece and well appreciated. We have seen this process at work in our own lives this week. Very uplifting when the anger is stripped away and the hurts can actually be soothed. In Jer 29:10-14 the Lord was speaking to the Israelites in exile, but I think His words have meaning for us in the exile of anger and pain. When we look past the anger and look for His plans, “this is where the healing begins”. (Subtle song reference for you) Thanks again.

    • Bruce – Isn’t it cool to see it work?!!! Goosebumps! And thank you for the subtle song reference! As soon as I read your comments I had to play the song… Each time I hear the music from 58 Watt I am transported back in time, sitting in the same room as all of you, and filled with thankfulness for that time and for each one of you.

  2. Brilliant brilliant brilliant Read.

    I truly love when you say:
    Change does not start out there: It starts within YOU!

    I will share this worthy message. Thanks

    • Lolly, I know that you consistently pour your heart, soul and mind into your work. So I know you will get this. After sharing from the deepest part of yourself, there is an overwhelming sense of satisfaction, a peace, and an awareness of the energy it took to share that deeply. When you hear that what you shared resonated it’s a bit like an energy boost! THANK YOU so very much for your comments and the boost! Consider Yourself Hugged!

  3. Loved, loved your poignant post, Chery! I agree that anger is the other side of the coin of pain. I have a close friend who I am going to share this with. It is interesting how you make the point that being there for another is important to help them on their journey. Really connected with that! We do spend too much time being angry and it can get in the way of moving forward in our life journeys. Thanks for sharing! Terri

    • Terri – Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and for sharing the post! I hope it plants a seed for your friend! I am glad that you are there for her!

    • Thank you Tim! It came on the heels of 10 weeks of studying love and some tough stuff in the media. It was one of those posts that consmed my heart, my mind and my soul!