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The good, bad and ugly of: “I want it my way”

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Several years ago I interviewed someone that had a lot of impressive experience, someone that I enjoyed in many ways, but someone I did not endorse as a prospective team member for only one reason… My gut said that this person would consistently operate with this philosophy, “It’s My Way or The Highway!” And I knew that mode of thinking would damage relationships, divide teams, decrease effectiveness and impact customers.

Recently I’ve witnessed other situations where a group of people have been so focused on what they wanted, that even after a majority decision they used intense peer pressure, persistence, and manipulation in attempts to force their agenda.

So I’ve been pondering:

  • What causes people to behave this way..
  • When is it wise to believe in your vision so much that you absolutely won’t bend?
  • And when is it wise to leave your ego behind and seek a win/win?

This is what I’ve come away with:

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When doubt whispers in your ear – What do you focus on?

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Several years ago I was in a new role that required me to give a presentation to the largest audience I’d ever spoken to.

  • As I prepared for that event a part of my mind wanted to focus on everything that might go wrong,
  • While the other part of my mind just wanted to listen to my heart and focus on the opportunity.

I chose to listen to my heart and had fun preparing the presentation.  However, as the date of the event grew closer, the fearful part of my mind started raising doubts again.

In the midst of those thoughts I remembered tips from speech tournaments – tips like visualizing your audience in their underwear.  (After a quick giggle at that idea, I dismissed it, wondering how anyone could do that and actually make it through a presentation!)

At the same time, I knew that I needed to confront the flashes of doubt that my mind was generating.

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Feb. 2014 Leadership Development Blog Carnival: What Great Leaders Do

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Leadership Development Blog CarnivalI’m honored to host Dan McCarthy’s Leadership Development Blog Carnival this month.

January ended with MLK Day.  This month we honor Washington and Lincoln.  So when Dan and I reached out to our leadership networks, we asked bloggers to share posts about what great leaders do, posts that highlight vision, passion, courage, commitment and even a willingness to sacrifice their very lives to create a legacy of change.

24 Leadership Guru’s responded with stories, inspiration and tangible ideas to help each of us to lead at a higher level.  …And while we don’t all agree on where to stand on specific issues, we emphatically agree on what it takes to lead well.  Below each post is a quote from that contributor so you can easily share on Twitter!

In this post What Makes The Great Great, John Spence shares Nine Principles of Extraordinary Achievement.  The leaders we mentioned above lived these principles.  Do you?

[Tweet “Live a life of honesty and integrity. Your reputation is really all you have. via @AwesomelySimple “] 

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…Need people that are skilled at managing & coping with change?

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goldfish jumping out of the waterLast year, The Institute for Corporate Productivity released a study listing the Top 10 Critical Human Capital Issues for 2013.  Numero Uno on that list was Managing and Coping with Change.  

One of the big reasons for this blog series about “The Real Housewives of Expat Men” is to share stories and lessons from real people that have become highly skilled at doing just that!

  • If your organization needs help Managing and Coping with Change – try hiring one!
  • And if your organization hires expats, please take a few minutes and consider the families that serve you and how they in turn serve your customers.

If you don’t know any – you’ll still love their stories. And if you spend any time thinking about them, you will discover ways to help the people in your organization and your neighbors at a higher level.

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We’ve walked into paralyzing fears and become stronger.

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We’re doctors, nurses, schoolteachers, writers, actresses, artists, musicians, hair-stylists, yoga teachers, economists, consultants…

We’re red, and yellow, black and white and every color you can imagine.

We’re in our 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and yes even in our 70’s!

Some of us are newlyweds, some are new mothers, some are raising teenagers, some have four-legged furry-children, and others have grandchildren.

We’re Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu…

Some of us have husbands home each night, while others navigate the new lands we live in while our spouses travel or are offshore for weeks at a time.

We’re not just “Trailing Spouses” – We’re real people that have been “Thrown In” and instead of being destroyed by the pressure of constant change and the unknown we’re transforming.

[Tweet “We’re The Real Housewives of Expat Men”]

Agents of Change iStockLast week I announced a new blog series about Expat Wives in this post:   

Uncommon and EXTRAordinary Agents of Change  

This is the first story in the series.  

  • It’s written to encourage anyone in the midst of change.
  • It’s written for everyone that loves an adventure.
  • It’s written to remind Recruiters and Hiring Managers that in order to find Diamonds you have to mine for them.
  • It’s written challenge companies that hire expats to evaluate their processes.
  • And most of all it’s written with a grateful heart and in honor of the women I’ve met on my journey.