On Monday morning women from 9 different nations connected in an online Conversation Safari to explore the question… Are you being manipulated?
During that discussion, we talked about different kinds of manipulation.
- Unintentional manipulation – like a guilt trip to get someone to do what you want him or her to do.
- Intentional manipulation – when someone intentionally distorts facts for personal gain.
- Intentional AND strategic manipulation – when someone strategically distorts facts, and creates disruption to accomplish a specific goal.
Most people on the call believe that intentional AND strategic manipulation happens more often than we realize.
A few days later I stumbled into a real life example of their point.
I was attending a public meeting and just before the meeting closed…
A woman took a seat in front of an elected official that has been manipulating facts and people.
As she spoke into the microphone, her statement shined a bright light on important details:
- First she quoted policy and reminded everyone in the room how disagreements and concerns were supposed to be handled.
- Then she listed specific dates and read exact quotes when this man had publically posted statements that were out of line with that policy.
- After reading each one of his quotes, she shared actual data from meeting minutes, and from emails that countered his false statements.
Her data made a huge impact:
- Filling in missing information that altered his stories completely.
- Supporting co-workers that he’d attacked.
- Effectively defending her own work.
She made each point with confidence, often looking up and making eye contact with the man that is used to intimidating others into silence.
As she spoke, his red face deepened in color.
His only verbal responses were to request a copy of what she read, and to ask if the meeting was over.
He made no attempt to explain or defend. And provided no indication of shame, remorse or correction.
As women come together to stand against Weinstein’s abuse of power. This one woman, was alone at the microphone.
Courageously standing against the behavior of a titled leader that has been scheming to destroy truth, teamwork and individuals for his own gain.
I don’t know what the future holds for that man, the people that work with him or the people that he was elected to serve.
But I do know this:
-Regardless of the group you typically align yourself with.
- (Loyalty to political party, religion, social network, co-workers, friends and even family – should be second to TRUTH.)
What a powerful post Chery! Your phone call must have been fascinating. I would have loved to listen in.
I think strategic manipulation has been around for a very long time in the workplace. I have worked with people who had a “divide and conquer” mentality and spent most of their time trying to pin team members against one another. In the end the team members realized what was happening and decided to come together or left the company.
Kudos for all the good work you are doing!!
Hi Terri! It was the first time we tried the online safari and the technology worked so well that I could tell when someone wanted to make a comment by their facial reactions and body language. So the conversation flowed just like a live event. If all goes according to plan – others will be invited to join us in the new year.
Your point is huge. The very best way to defeat a manipulator is to get a team to stand together. That takes trust, collaboration and courage. The other options are to continue to deal with the behavior or to leave. It is so sad when good people leave a good company because of one person.