Tag Archives: fear

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When doubt whispers in your ear – What do you focus on?

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Several years ago I was in a new role that required me to give a presentation to the largest audience I’d ever spoken to.

  • As I prepared for that event a part of my mind wanted to focus on everything that might go wrong,
  • While the other part of my mind just wanted to listen to my heart and focus on the opportunity.

I chose to listen to my heart and had fun preparing the presentation.  However, as the date of the event grew closer, the fearful part of my mind started raising doubts again.

In the midst of those thoughts I remembered tips from speech tournaments – tips like visualizing your audience in their underwear.  (After a quick giggle at that idea, I dismissed it, wondering how anyone could do that and actually make it through a presentation!)

At the same time, I knew that I needed to confront the flashes of doubt that my mind was generating.

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We’ve walked into paralyzing fears and become stronger.

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We’re doctors, nurses, schoolteachers, writers, actresses, artists, musicians, hair-stylists, yoga teachers, economists, consultants…

We’re red, and yellow, black and white and every color you can imagine.

We’re in our 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and yes even in our 70’s!

Some of us are newlyweds, some are new mothers, some are raising teenagers, some have four-legged furry-children, and others have grandchildren.

We’re Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu…

Some of us have husbands home each night, while others navigate the new lands we live in while our spouses travel or are offshore for weeks at a time.

We’re not just “Trailing Spouses” – We’re real people that have been “Thrown In” and instead of being destroyed by the pressure of constant change and the unknown we’re transforming.

[Tweet “We’re The Real Housewives of Expat Men”]

Agents of Change iStockLast week I announced a new blog series about Expat Wives in this post:   

Uncommon and EXTRAordinary Agents of Change  

This is the first story in the series.  

  • It’s written to encourage anyone in the midst of change.
  • It’s written for everyone that loves an adventure.
  • It’s written to remind Recruiters and Hiring Managers that in order to find Diamonds you have to mine for them.
  • It’s written challenge companies that hire expats to evaluate their processes.
  • And most of all it’s written with a grateful heart and in honor of the women I’ve met on my journey.

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Head, Gut or Fear: Which one do you listen to?

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Shortly after one of our many moves, I was asked to serve on a local board.  One of the board members that I got to spend a lot of time with was a smart, energetic woman that ran a local literacy coalition.

Each one of us brought different knowledge, experiences and strengths to our conversations but we shared a vision and a passion.

After one of our long meetings of turning over rocks, looking at squiggly things underneath them, and brainstorming solutions, she made the comment that when we spent time together it felt more like playing than work.  (I felt the same way.)

Isn’t it awesome when you can pour energy into something, think deeply, challenge yourself or learn something new that several hours later instead of feeling tired you feel energized, focused and hopeful?

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7 Reasons to “FEAR NOT!”

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Today I shared a new post titled 5 Truths To Help You Do “It” Even If You Are Afraid on The Lead Change Group Blog.  While many of you are familiar with our expat story I have never shared the level of fear I felt when we were asked to make this move.

7 Reasons to Fear Not!

I wrote the story several weeks ago deeply believing that we all battle fear.  And knowing that as long as we are webbed in place we can’t contribute our greatest gifts to each other, to our workplaces, to our communities, or to our world.

Since writing it I have run into more hurdles getting this article published than any other post I’ve ever written.  Which makes me even more convinced that needs to be shared.

If you or someone you know is in the midst of a battle with fear I encourage you to read that article and to savor the quotes below. (Some of the quotes in this post are linked to previous articles about fear.)

1.  Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world. Ralph Waldo Emerson

2.  The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown. H. P. Lovecraft

3.  Facing your fears robs them of their power. Mark Burnet

4.  Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.  Bertrand Russell

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What’s Driving You: Fear or Wisdom?

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[Tweet “What’s Driving Me?  Is it Fear or Wisdom?”]

This is a question I frequently ask myself as I make decisions. 

Because – I believe that fear is the greatest when I become consumed with ME. 

  • My comfort, my past pain, my unknowns, what others think of me, of my job security, my physical security etc…

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I also believe that wisdom is rooted in prayer, considering my purpose, the needs of the people and the organizations I serve.

In the summer of 2013 I was a brand new expat with a whopping 3 months of experience living in a foreign country and came face to face with some assumptions I’d always made about how things work when you live outside of the land you call home…  (Yes – I had believed what I saw in the movies and had always assumed that if you were in a foreign country and needed a safe-haven you would find it at your country’s embassy or consulate.)  What I’ve learned since is that there is some truth in that assumption, however, it is NOT the primary purpose of those facilities.

Because of the mass closures of those “safe-havens” that summer –  I kept wondering…  “What’s driving the decision – Is it Fear or Wisdom?”

Fear or Wisdom

As I pondered that question I reached out on Social Media and asked others to weigh in.

What advice would you give leaders to help them make wise decisions instead of fear-based decisions?