Dear Bully

My friend, Kate Nasser is doing a beautiful job of leveraging her #PeopleSkills platform to shine a light on workplace bullying.

She recently challenged my friend and co-author Susan Mazza to share her Letter To A Bully on her blog.

In Susan’s post she asked, [Tweet “If you wrote a letter to a bully, what would you say?”]

It did not take me long to craft my response to Susan because I’ve spent so much time pondering this issue – long before I called it what it is.  (Anyone that tears down others so that they will feel better about themselves is a bully.)  Below are links to three of my previous posts.

1. I was a bully, and it changed my life.

2.  Like you, I’ve seen great leaders and I’ve seen workplace bullying that reminds me of the playground.   It makes my stomach churn and my heart ache.

3. Bullies on the playground and in the workplace reflect the hearts and minds of racists, drug lords, human traffickers and unfortunately many world leaders.

This was my answer to Susan…

Chaos or Vision: YOU Choose!

As expats we live in a secure compound with high walls, inside those walls we have grass, trees, flowers, beauty and order.

Without a Vision

Many local families live in their own high walled “compounds” with their extended families.  And although I have never been behind those walls I have heard of their gardens.

Outside of all of our walls is the city we all share.  Most of the city is full of trash, partially developed buildings, blowing sand, broken sidewalks – if there are sidewalks at all; narrow streets and tiny parking lots that don’t accommodate all of the cars, and random unmatched street lights that don’t begin to illuminate the dark.

A few weeks ago I met with some local women and they encouraged me to check out a city that is 101 kilometers (62.75 miles) away.

This past weekend, my husband and I rode there on our Harley with several other couples.

Before we left one of the women commented about how much she likes the city we were driving to.  When I asked why she said, “it is just like the movies at night, it is all lit up…”

So as we drove into this neighboring city my eyes were wide open…

As I looked specifically for light sources I noticed several things:

Leadership 101: Consistent, Fair, Explainable

Several years ago a mentor shared his business plan with me.  In part of it he wrote something he called a STAND.  When I asked what that was, he said it was knowing what you stand for before you are faced with a situation and have to make a choice.

I’ve shared part of his leadership wisdom and how it impacted me in this previous Smart Blog Post:  Why Leaders Need To Practice Compassionate Accountability

For the past several weeks I’ve been focused on another part of his STAND:  “[Tweet “I choose to be Consistent, Fair, and Explainable in all that I do.”]

These are some of the reasons those words are resonating with me again:

I’ve been studying the impact of parents that have a favorite child that is treated differently than the others.  It’s an ugly situation for everyone.  ….Even the favored child.

I’ve been thinking of times I’ve witnessed a boss becoming close friends with some of their employees and how that broke down trust with other employees.  (Even if both the boss and the employee were holding each other to a higher level of accountability, the perception of unfairness was still there.)

I know an executive that is struggling because he makes hard fast rules that sound powerful in his office, however when the rules are challenged or violated that executive avoids confrontation at all costs.

Putting the HUMAN back in Human Resources

This is the third post in our series:  What does HR Really Stand For:  Human Resources or Human Remains?

Kevin KennemerAs I thought through this series, I reached out Kevin Kennemer because I knew that he had both the passion and the data to make the case that Great Workplaces enjoy a significant competitive advantage over their competition.  Kevin is a Great Workplace Advocate, and the founder of The People Group, a firm dedicated to transforming companies into winning workplaces. He works with CEO’s of small and medium sized businesses to create work environments built on trust, respect and dignity.  Kevin holds a Master’s Degree in Organizational Management.  This is what Kevin had to say:  

What does HR really stand for: Is it Human Resources or Human Remains?

Over a year ago I met with a group of people about an upcoming speaking engagement.  As we discussed the focus of my presentation I said, “it’s about putting the Human back in Human Resources.”

Immediately one of the men in the group got really quiet and after a few minutes he said,

I have been in HR for several years, I’ve attended tons of seminars and I’ve NEVER heard anyone talk about the HUMANS.

In the past few months as I’ve been publishing stories and lessons in an ongoing series about “The Real Housewives of Expat Men”, this subject has come up again.

The examples below are real and come from people employed with several different organizations.

Imagine…

  • Organizations that notify their people of life-altering changes with a two-sentence email with no details and no timelines, let alone any discussion, questions or answers.
  • Annual reviews that are delivered over a computer instead of by a live person, evaluating the recipient on objectives they were never told they had and leaving no opportunity for discussion.
  • Bosses that make decisions about their employees lives, don’t communicate those decisions and when they are asked about them, then play the blame game pointing fingers at the titled leaders above them.
  • Families that are days away from finishing their time overseas and have sold things, packed, said tearful goodbyes to friends, and have families at home excitedly waiting for them, that are notified two days before they are scheduled to leave that they won’t be going home now.  And as each day goes by their expected departure date continues to change.
  • HR never responding to emails or phone calls and then one day emailing the office and getting a response that says, “Today is my last day, I quit.”
  • Companies that emphasize that their policy is to make sure that EVERY exiting employee receives a survey when they leave the company – no matter why they leave.  However, when a boss fears the information an exiting employee will share, that survey is never given to the exiting employee even when they ask HR for it.
  • HR admitting that the exit surveys that are received are rarely looked at or used to evaluate leadership and organizational development opportunities.

Those stories make my heart ache.  So I reached out to friends with HR Backgrounds that are Consultants, and Leadership Experts and asked them three questions:

[Tweet “What does HR really stand for: Is it Human Resources or Human Remains?“]